How do you deal?

Not sure if this is the correct forum - but it does concern a relationship.. it's neighbor to neighbor relationship.

So, the question is .. how do you deal with a neighbor that accuses you of something you are not doing - and then denies accusing you? How it happened ... she came down (she is my upstairs neighbor) and knocked on my door, says she is still having the problem of someone turning off the light switch in the hallway (we live in an indoor apartment building)and outside - causing her and the other neighbor upstairs (Only 4 of us live in each building) to fall down the steps. Now, she also said she knows the other 2 nor her are doing it - which only leaves me. I have not been going out after dark since the landlady came over asking about if we (my husband and I) saw any strange person around becausr someone had gotten broke into a couple weeks ago. After I told her I had nothing to do with it, she went upstairs and started talking loudly to the other neighbor saying how she knows that we are the ones doing it, etc. So I came out and said we are not the ones doing it, and she started hollering at me and threatening to talk to the landlady and etc. I just wanted to get along with everyone. (Moved in 3 months ago) but it seems that isn't going to happen even though we mostly keep to ourselves.

Now she is upstairs making as much noise as she can trying to get our dogs to bark. How do you deal with a neighbor like that?

Personally I would ignore the neighbor and get in touch with the landlord to let them know you arent doing it.

Tell landlord about it and don’t speak to a neighbor.

Hm. Yes, talk to the landlord and let the landlord know you're not turning off the light. I would also let the landlord know that your neighbor is being very loud.

Be polite to your neighbor if they speak to you again, but firmly let them know it's NOT you, and would they kindly please stop talking to others saying its you because you can hear everything they're saying. Also, I would ask them to please kindly tone down their voices, because you can hear everything and it makes your dogs bark, and thank you. Be polite, but firm with your boundaries.

I agree with the others, Crypts_Of_The_Mind. Just ignore this person and tell your landlady the truth. Hopefully she will be on your side. I'm so sorry unfortunately some neighbors can be really annoying. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

Me I wouldnt even answer the door. I would instead let her go complain to the manager, then when the manager comes over make a suggestion that the manager enclose the light switch in a lock box, that way no one can turn the stair well lights on and off. thats how things are in many apartment buildings here in the city because fire code laws require all public stair wells to be lit and clear of personal items and trash at all times. the lock boxes come in clear and many colors so that managers can place them anywhere in the building over any thermostats, and light switches that need to regulated / monitored.

once the lock box goes on the neighbor cant complain you are messing with the lighting in the stairwell.

The problem is two-fold here .. the neighbor makes it impossible to ignore her by knocking on my door, and the landlady does not get in til Monday so we have to wait til then to get in touch with her. Otherwise, yes, we intend on getting ahold of the landlady.

This neighbor also let's her dogs run around off their leash (she has 3 small dogs) and she is either smoking crack or weed bc she gags all the time - but only when inside her apartment, never wheezing climbing the stairs or etc .. and my husband said he smelled crack when he went outside our apartment once when she was gagging. She works night shift so she allows her dogs to run and bark and play early in the morning when she gets home - and yea, you can hear the running through our ceiling loud enough it wakes us and our dogs up. When I told her about the dogs barking waking us up she said "well I don't get the luxury of staying home with my dogs all the time" (both my husband and I are on disability due to our psychological problems), I have to WORK for my pay. As if my life is some kind of luxurious thing bc I am on disability.

These are the things that brought me to needing disability:
My mom died when I was 12
I blamed myself for her death
My dad was not there for me emotionally at all after that
Both my step mom and him became emotionally abusive, as was one step sister
My violin teacher tried to molest me
When I quit lessons my Dad demeaned me
My first job I was sexually harassed to the point I was scared for my life
When I told boss, she spread rumors about me
When I quit, Dad demeaned me
My first boyfriend raped me but I kept going out with him anyway bc he was the one who showed me the most love
When we planned and successfully became pregnant when I was 17, my Dad made me adopt my child out - he is the only child I was ever able to conceive (I am 44)
When I was 18, I was held at gunpoint during a robbery at my 2nd job
When I was 19, I moved in with my aunt's across the US bc dad would not let me move back in without paying $200/mo rent to sleep on the couch and I had just lost my job due to totalling my car in an accident, and they demeaned me too.

Before losing my job, I was raped a second time by a co-worker while on break at work and a third time by my ex-boyfriend at my home when he came over once. I reported the third rape to the cops but they refused to do anything about it saying it was a lover's spat.

Once I was at my aunt's I started trying to find psychological help for myself bc I had been suicidal for years but everyone just laughed and said "everyone has problems, get over it". Every boyfriend I got .. even the one hub and I got (up til 3 years ago when we divorced and remarried) was emotionally and/or psychologically abusive to me. Finally, when I moved to TN, I found a psychiatrist - Only bc I did try suicide and the hospital sent me to the community psych hospital which set me up with psychiatric appointments upon discharge.

Those were the reasons that I began having psychological problems and was finally siagnosed.

Year's later, I wound up with a home health care nurse through my job due to how bad my problems gotten. After a couple years, she advised I apply for disability. I wound up in the Salvation Army while applying for 6 months - but then I got on disability, but like I said .. I was still going through abuse even then for another 9 years, plus my income went from a bit over $2k/mo to a bit over $800/mo.

So .. how exactly is that "luxury"?

Hi Crypts of the Mind,

Some people are just jealous because they don't qualify for disability. Don't worry about other people's opinions about your staying home because of your disability. However, your neighbor is obviously disrespectful. You need to tell the landlord about her dogs going in the yard without a leash in the early hours of the morning, though. Chances are, you are not the only neighbor annoyed about that.

We have some strange neighbors too.

You shouldn’t speak to your neighbor about her dogs or what not. She now retaliates.

When you have issues with neighbors you have to complain to management, file reports etc as well as perhaps call police.

You are under no obligation to open doors when people knock (unless it’s police). By engaging into arguments with neighbors you open yourself for issues.

Trust me I had some horrid neighbors over the course of my life and I always lived in expensive apartments and still it happened. Do not engage with them. Why do they need to know that yiu are in disability? It’s sure no one’s business

Our landlady tells us we must try to clear it up amongst ourselves before going to her, so we have to speak to each other. She knows about the disability bc she once complained to us bc our dogs bark during the day when we are not home bc we are at soup kitchen eating. I explained to her we simply do not get enough money to get enough food for the month and both of us only get paid once a month. She asked "well why do you only get paid once a month, don't you both work?" I said "no, we are on disability and our other bills come before our food." So last night she brought that up again - I said our dogs bark during the day, your dogs bark at night. She said "it doesn't matter when they bark - I work night shift, I want to play with my dogs when I get home. I don't get the luxury of playing with them during the day. I have to WORK for my living."

Hey,
Thanks for responding.
We don't have a "yard" here - it's just a parking lot and she never puts them on.a leash, sometimes she just watches them from inside the door with the door propped open without even going out with them. Many neighbors have spoken to her about it but she just looks at them and does nothing. Once they came running straight up to my dogs and got in my dogs faces before I could get them away, my dogs started attacking. I had my dogs on a leash but hers kept chasing mine, so mine kept attacking and since I have 2 - it's hard to pick both up when they are in attack mode . They have done the same to other dogs with similar reactions.

The only way I know how to suggest dealing with them is to assert yourself. Make it clear you won't tolerate their **** any longer. If possible, install a camera facing the front door of your apartment, maybe inside the window or something.

If they pick a fight with you or start messing with your dogs and your dogs attack, you can't be held liable, especially if there is recorded evidence showing them starting the fight. For an extra bonus, if the person harassing you is a man just use the fact that you're a woman and were scared of him as an excuse to punish him further.


Also, I would say just let the dogs attack and put them in their place if getting nearest heavy object and using it on them isn't an option.

Alternatively, if you go the camera route, use the recording to file a police report for harassment.


At least, that's how I would handle it.

Do you have an Iphone or something where you can video or even take pictures of her dogs running loose with no leashes? It would be a good idea to do that since her dogs run up to yours in case one of your dogs ends up nipping one of her dogs.

that was a snide comment from your neighbor to have made about your disability. She has no idea of what you've gone through or why you are on it. People make assumptions, wrong assumptions, about those on disability sometimes. Like they're too lazy to work, they're trying to milk the system and rob our tax dollars, all those kinds of negative beliefs. She also may be envious, as someone else said, but again, she does not know your struggles or past issues. It's sheer ignorance and an obnoxious statement I would rise above and ignore, if you can.

Take pictures and email or show them to landlord. Every single time. We did this with random dogs outside and people eventually had to move out.

Is this legitimate landlord? I’ve NEVER heard such a thing. Every apartment complex informs people that if they have issues, inform manager, do not enter altercations. Unless you are on good friendly terms with a neighbor, it’s unacceptable to tell you clear issues with neighbors. Jeez.

You do not need to tell strangers where you are at (soup kitchen or strip bar-not their business). And why do you inform her that you don’t have enough food or what not. Less you talk to confrontational busy body neighbor, better it is. You are opening yourself for these discussions.

Hey Darkness! ❤

Awesome to hear from you again! As far as the camera thing - it is four of us in an enclosed inside apartment building. The door leading outside the building itself does not lock. That's the one that leads to the hallway and ultimately connects to the outside and outside light. Each of our individual apartments have locking doors but they only have peepholes, no windows. I have a living room window facing the parking lot, but she normally parks away from my window and out of view and the building door entry is also out of view. If I put a camera outside my door, it would just be ripped off and stolen or thrown away. So I don't know how to do that in a working way here bc we are not allowed to mount anything on the outside of the building itself.

It's a woman I am having issues with so yeah both are good advice but not feasible (that I can see) in this situation. Today she has been trying to cause a ruckus with our dogs either by making as much noise as possible in her apartment or by making a bunch of noise outside our door and lingering longer than needed as she passes by. So its aggravating but not sure what to do til I can speak to landlady (Now that we have spoken, I can speak to landlady)

I do have a phone that can video, but when I was being abused and contacted police and lawyer they both advised me in this state it is illegal to video anyone unless they know you are doing so and consent to it and you have that consent on video.

This would be awesome, but again - any kind of recording or picture is illegal here unless the person (in this case owner) is aware you are doing so and you have that consent videoed or legally documented, in this state (that is what I was told by both attorneys and cops 3 years ago)

Yes, she is legitament. Actually is part of a rental agency and is the agent assigned to this property. I agree it is a strange rule but her reasoning is "the problems between neighbors tend to escalate if the landlord becomes involved bc it upsets people".

I believe it’s not against the law taking pictures of random dogs. You can’t be expected to get consent from a dog. For all you know you might not know who these dogs belong to. Could be stray. In our case we were told by management to take pics of dogs running around and they will investigate who they belong to. Which they did. Sure, don’t take pics of people

You are too nice. It doesn’t pay off

Call rental property

I know people make ignorant comments and usually do just ignore but when she makes it impossible to ignore her by knocking on my door, causing my dogs to bark which in turn frustrates my husband .. which results in my stress level going through the roof ... I cannot ignore her comments.

I hope that clarifies my conundrum.

As I have said - the landlady has said we must try to resolve it amongst ourselves. She was questioning why didn't we take our dogs with us - bc we were going somewhere dogs are not allowed and in this state it is illegal to leave them unattended in a car. Most places you can go and find ways of accommodating small dogs (we have chihuahuas) so she acted as if I was lying - so I laid it out for her. Please don't come at me as if this is my fault which you do by saying "you are opening yourself up to these discussions"- which comes across as "you bring this on yourself". I seriously doubt you would want others giving similar comments to you when you are stressed to a point of . I say that in both a friendly but serious way. Thank you.