Definition of a Toxic Person

Feb 23, 2019 at 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

My old boss is toxic and will never change.

Toxic people rarely do change.

TishaBuv · Feb 23, 2019 at 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Toxic people rarely do change.

Sadly, I agree. You just have to get away from them. This is so hard to do, too, sometimes. Some of us get to be part of the toxic dance and become toxic as well.

downandlonely · Feb 23, 2019 at 05:42 PM

I don't think it is possible for a person to change another person. A toxic person would have to decide to change on their own. And many will choose not to do that.

Fuzzybear · Feb 23, 2019 at 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Toxic people rarely do change.

I have also found this.. they very rarely change.

Ggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Feb 23, 2019 at 05:52 PM

I would kind of like to know what is causing it.

My guess is... in the past everyone was raised with strong manners engrained in them from youth. It scares me that maybe, just maybe, the human condition is to be toxic and that to the extent we are not toxic - we were given manners. However, without strong guidance and social conformance of good behavior, people are left to rot.

My guess is that family is the worst place for this because social niceties are relaxed.

I kind of wish someone would make this a real serious issue because honestly I am currently looking for a shack in the woods for my retirement.

Feb 23, 2019 at 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

I would kind of like to know what is causing it.

My guess is... in the past everyone was raised with strong manners engrained in them from youth. It scares me that maybe, just maybe, the human condition is to be toxic and that to the extent we are not toxic - we were given manners. However, without strong guidance and social conformance of good behavior, people are left to rot.

My guess is that family is the worst place for this because social niceties are relaxed.

I kind of wish someone would make this a real serious issue because honestly I am currently looking for a shack in the woods for my retirement.

I believe it stems from family relations, a toxic upbringing and other negative environmental influences.

There are a lot of unhappy people in this world, which doesn’t mean they’re toxic necessarily, but there’s a lot of unhappiness which can breed toxicity.

Feb 23, 2019 at 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I believe it stems from family relations, a toxic upbringing and other negative environmental influences.

I don't know. My family was normal and kind but my sister is a toxic fool that I don't want anyplace around me. But I have noticed she is better behaved around her husband and husband's family when I am around. But once they are gone, the toxic disrespect comes flying at me.

Feb 23, 2019 at 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

I don't know. My family was normal and kind but my sister is a toxic fool that I don't want anyplace around me. But I have noticed she is better behaved around her husband and husband's family when I am around. But once they are gone, the toxic disrespect comes flying at me.

That’s just sickening. Turning it off and on like a switch.

Fuzzybear · Feb 23, 2019 at 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by golden_eve

That’s just sickening. Turning it off and on like a switch.

Agreed grrrrrrrrrrrrr

01:23 PM

“Do you have toxic people in your life? Do they influence you in detrimental ways? Do they leave you feeling manipulated or bad about yourself after every encounter? If so, you’re probably wondering how things got to be this way. Despite your positive attitude and approach to life, you find yourself unexpectedly surrounded by negativity.

It might not occur to you that some of your strongest positive attributes may actually be attracting toxic people. These people may subconsciously feel threatened by your strengths, or they may just see you as an easy target. Either way, they will attempt to undermine or control you by limiting your peace of mind, happiness or success.”

Source:

7 Surprising Reasons You’re Attracting Toxic People

rechu · Feb 25, 2019 at 06:42 AM

Ugh, now she texted me now asking if I have gotten over being offended. She doesn’t realize that this goes way beyond just how she made me feel with those comments.

I mean those were bad enough. If I had continued being friends with her, I would always be worried that I might be bothering her with my petty problems. And I’m sure she’d still expect me to listen to her problems for hours. It would be a very unequal relationship.

But, it’s all the wider patterns that those comments brought to my attention that are the real issue. She is a toxic, negative, victim-playing drama queen, and I see now that she’s only been draining me and bringing me down. I think I have to stay no contact. I am done. If I e-mail her and try to give explanations, she will just try to drag me back in to her drama.

I was able to block her through other contact methods, but I can’t seem to block her texts and several have gotten through.

Feb 25, 2019 at 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rechu

Ugh, now she texted me now asking if I have gotten over being offended. She doesn’t realize that this goes way beyond just how she made me feel with those comments.

I mean those were bad enough. If I had continued being friends with her, I would always be worried that I might be bothering her with my petty problems. And I’m sure she’d still expect me to listen to her problems for hours. It would be a very unequal relationship.

But, it’s all the wider patterns that those comments brought to my attention that are the real issue. She is a toxic, negative, victim-playing drama queen, and I see now that she’s only been draining me and bringing me down. I think I have to stay no contact. I am done. If I e-mail her and try to give explanations, she will just try to drag me back in to her drama.

I was able to block her through other contact methods, but I can’t seem to block her texts and several have gotten through.

Rechu, good for you. Do what you need to to for your own mental health and sanity. NO need for negative drama!!! Absolutely not. I hope you can figure out how to block the texts.

TishaBuv · Feb 25, 2019 at 07:05 AM

Some here have mentioned these things:
1. Venting our problems to others who eventually use this against us.
2. Not using our manners.

These ARE behaviors that led to toxic relationships.

I had a relationship with my FOO where they encouraged me to vent my frustration with other family members, then they threw that in my face the first second when they turned on me. So, I got myself caught in a trap that led to toxic... see?

And, yes, if we all remembered our good manners, so much strife would be thwarted.

rechu · Feb 25, 2019 at 08:08 AM

Tisha - yeah, my mother is like that. I learned years ago not to divulge too much personal information to her. She eventually would find a way to turn around and use it against me.

Laure · Feb 25, 2019 at 12:02 PM

This is really awesome thanks

I have been trying to get away from an old friend who I started to realize was like this and its hard cutting someone off but after reading your description, I can note see they have everything you mentioned. I mean everything. I guess maybe I have to be selfish in a way and just cut them off because it totally drains my energy just to even stay friends

I just have to work out a nice way to do it

But thanks

divine1966 · Feb 25, 2019 at 04:32 PM

Toxic people are often passive aggressive. They won’t spell things out in direct manner but instead making passive aggressive sneaky comments. It’s quite silly but annoying.

TishaBuv · Feb 26, 2019 at 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Toxic people are often passive aggressive. They won’t spell things out in direct manner but instead making passive aggressive sneaky comments. It’s quite silly but annoying.

Ugh, yes! I’ve grown hypersensitive to detecting this from having been taught by receiving this treatment.

How about someone who insults you veiled as humor. Then when you call them on it, they say they are only joking, and tell you that you are too thin skinned, and refuse to stop.

I laid down a boundary with a friend who was doing that. “If you don’t stop doing it, I won’t be your friend anymore.” She didn’t stop. We are no longer friends.

divine1966 · Feb 26, 2019 at 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Ugh, yes! I’ve grown hypersensitive to detecting this from having been taught by receiving this treatment.

How about someone who insults you veiled as humor. Then when you call them on it, they say they are only joking, and tell you that you are too thin skinned, and refuse to stop.

I laid down a boundary with a friend who was doing that. “If you don’t stop doing it, I won’t be your friend anymore.” She didn’t stop. We are no longer friends.

My dad does that. All the time. Now we all on occasion do stupid things like that but when it’s consistent and not improving when you ask you stop then it’s toxuc behavior to a t.

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Definition of a Toxic Person

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downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	Feb 23, 2019 at 05:42 PM #43 I don't think it is possible for a person to change another person. A toxic person would have to decide to change on their own. And many will choose not to do that.
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rechu Magnate Member Since Apr 2016 Location: Somewhere in South America Posts: 2,319 8 1,063 hugs given	Feb 25, 2019 at 08:08 AM #54 Tisha - yeah, my mother is like that. I learned years ago not to divulge too much personal information to her. She eventually would find a way to turn around and use it against me.
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,765 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,291 hugs given	Feb 25, 2019 at 04:32 PM #56 Toxic people are often passive aggressive. They won’t spell things out in direct manner but instead making passive aggressive sneaky comments. It’s quite silly but annoying.
	Reply With Quote