[Laure]

Hello

I signed up here because it appears like the best place to ask this. I just wanted some thoughts please if I've done anything wrong. The other day I was at home doing not much and we have had trades-men working on the walls inside the house for a few days because of some damage we had

Basically I'm sure I'm like most women and when I am at home I don't wear a bra. Well my mom arrived home and saw I was not wearing a one under my shirt. I never do when I'm at home coz they're not comfortable but my mom got angry at me and said it was unacceptable for me to be braless when trades-men are here working.

I'd like to know if my mom ova-reacting? I'm not very big up top. And I was wearing a top but just no bra under. So I don't see the problem. Even tho i don't have big boobs, i guess you could say my nipples are not exactly small but Is this a reason why I should wear a bra if anyone is here?

Pretty much my mom said it looks really bad and its not acceptable when trades men are here. Is she ova-reacting?

She used a few words I wont repeat here but they hurt me

Thank you

I don't think you are doing anything wrong (I have seen people wear much worse in public)--this is your mom's anxiety. Just today, when I went on an errand, I cut it short because I couldn't remember if I had locked the door (and my daughter may have been sleeping, didn't want to wake her). Now that we do not have a dog, I get scared about her being home alone in the middle of the day. And having construction workers working on my house has always freaked me out because there was one that worked on our home for a long time that seemed like a serial liar the things he said would freak me out--I would find myself wondering what he was capable of....

I am sorry that she got so upset at you.

Originally Posted by Laure

Hello

I signed up here because it appears like the best place to ask this. I just wanted some thoughts please if I've done anything wrong. The other day I was at home doing not much and we have had trades-men working on the walls inside the house for a few days because of some damage we had

Basically I'm sure I'm like most women and when I am at home I don't wear a bra. Well my mom arrived home and saw I was not wearing a one under my shirt. I never do when I'm at home coz they're not comfortable but my mom got angry at me and said it was unacceptable for me to be braless when trades-men are here working.

I'd like to know if my mom ova-reacting? I'm not very big up top. And I was wearing a top but just no bra under. So I don't see the problem. Even tho i don't have big boobs, i guess you could say my nipples are not exactly small but Is this a reason why I should wear a bra if anyone is here?

Pretty much my mom said it looks really bad and its not acceptable when trades men are here. Is she ova-reacting?

She used a few words I wont repeat here but they hurt me

Thank you

It is PERFECTLY acceptable to go without a bra any time you like!!! I hate wearing a bra...they are awkward and uncomfortable but I was raised like you...that I HAD to wear one by a certain age.

Here's what I think is happening...your mother has bought into partriarchal ideas that girls and women (I don't know how old you are) are sexual creatures no matter what. Therefore, our chests and breasts are sexualized too and must be covered up with a bra. I am assuming that's what your mother was told when she was growing up. You have a right to bodily autonomy which means that if you don't want to wear a bra you don't have to. I take mine off and soon as I get home. A maintenance guy had to come and do some work in my home and I didn't bother to put bra on before he arrived. I just made sure that my top wasn't too thin...because I wouldn't want him to see anything. And that's just me. Each to their own! I also have started going out sometimes without a bra because I think it's healthier...I mean its a band of tight fabric across our ribs...fun times!

If your mother was shaming you and calling you names, that is verbal abuse and not okay. How do you folks get along in general?

Would you mind sharing how old you are? Just so i know the dynamic with your mother. Perhaps I could give you a tip on how to talk it over with her. I would not recommend showing her my post above...it likely won't go over well.

[Laure]

Thank you!

I'm 18

Originally Posted by Laure

Thank you!

I'm 18

Hi! So legally you're an adult!!! Are you planning to continue living at home for quite some time or might you be moving out soon? I ask only because it's harder to exercise autonomy with a parent while still residing in their house.

[Laure]

Probably at home for now

[WishfulThinker66]

yes she IS over-reacting

My daughter won't wear a bra too and she is 21, she hates anything too close to her skin, she is autistic. Have you tried a sports bra? they are more comfortable than the ordinary bra, I wear them too

[nesaya]

I can see both your point and your moms, maybe she was worried for your safety? was there anyone else in the house with you? could safety have been an issue?unfortunately we live in a worl where women do need to think about such things

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Laura I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. You're free to make your own decisions and I don't think it was particularly inappropriate. I understand why your mom would be bothered by it, but it is your own decisions and there are people who are doing much worse. I'd suggest to talk to your mom about this and see how it goes from there. Hopefully she'll listen to what you have to say and understand you. I'd suggest to wait until she feels calmer, like HopefullyLost1211 has already wisely suggested. I'm so sorry. I understand it must be pretty hard to fight with your own parents. Hopefully it's nothing too serious. How is your relationshipw with your mom otherwise? I hope things are going ok with her. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

[amandalouise]

there is nothing wrong with not wearing a bra when men are present. that said some people see it a sign of respecting ones own body and not accidentally inviting trouble. you see there are certain locations, religions and cultures that require certain clothing / coverages around men.

there is also a sensitivity situation where there are certain parts of the human body that are extra sensitive to touch including fabrics. lets put it this way breasts have lots of sensitive nerve endings that become for lack of better words aroused sometimes just a shirt touching them can cause this normal reaction.

when this happens it shows through the shirt and can be mis interpreted as a woman or man being sexually attracted to those around them. Hence why women and men are taught to wear undergarments (bras for women and t-shirts under their shirts for men.) this way there is no mis interpretations or accidental arousal reactions due to the breasts against outer clothing showing through.

think of it kind of like a guy who wears a cup over their penis in certain sports, activities and sometimes just around the house. they are protecting their ultra sensitive parts of their body from harm.

A bra gives a woman a bit more protection then no bra. not to mention the muscles in breasts can stretch, hang lower and lower... not to mention back issues that can happen when there is no support over a length of time.

my suggestion is that if its your moms house, moms rules would apply, your own house your rules. your body you need to decide how much respect for your self and your body you want to have when around other people. whether you want to give the messages of who you really are or have the guys around you mis interpreting who and what you are.

no Im not saying if anything were to happen it would be a result of clothing or not clothing. just that in life we all have to decide how we want others to see us, do we want people to see us as hanging low or supported, with dignity and respect.... that kind of stuff.

me I hate the dang things too but when around others I have respect for my body and understand that my "girls" need all the support and respect that they deserve after all they are my childrens first meals and all. when its just my wife and I in the home its all natural

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Laure

Hello

I signed up here because it appears like the best place to ask this. I just wanted some thoughts please if I've done anything wrong. The other day I was at home doing not much and we have had trades-men working on the walls inside the house for a few days because of some damage we had

Basically I'm sure I'm like most women and when I am at home I don't wear a bra. Well my mom arrived home and saw I was not wearing a one under my shirt. I never do when I'm at home coz they're not comfortable but my mom got angry at me and said it was unacceptable for me to be braless when trades-men are here working.

I'd like to know if my mom ova-reacting? I'm not very big up top. And I was wearing a top but just no bra under. So I don't see the problem. Even tho i don't have big boobs, i guess you could say my nipples are not exactly small but Is this a reason why I should wear a bra if anyone is here?

Pretty much my mom said it looks really bad and its not acceptable when trades men are here. Is she ova-reacting?

She used a few words I wont repeat here but they hurt me

Thank you

Really you already know you can decide at home how you dress. I doubt you're naïve to think that it's not noticeable and I'm sure you made that decision yourself. Over reacting? who cares. its your house. Why even bother to consider it. Your thoughts, your values and beliefs are hers and hers are hers. leave it at that and just tell your mom "thanks for the input" and move on from there. This is a very insignificant thing, and you gotta choose your battles.

[luvyrself]

I’m a senior (older woman) and I agree with Mom. Sorry, there are rapists and you don’t know these workers. If you were my daughter or granddaughter I wouldn’t call you names. I would just suggest you wise up and protect yourself. Young people think nothing can happen to them. When I was a college student I used to walk to the library alone at night even though I knew there had been rapes on campus. This was a huge campus and no one might have heard me scream if something happened. Some men love smaller breasts, not to mention what nipples can do to a guy. Do you know the statistics about how often during one day a man thinks about sex-lots. You could always throw an open button up shirt over whatever top is showing your nipples.

[healingme4me]

I personally prefer some type of support on my chest, have for as long as I can remember, but I can also appreciate the discomfort many women feel.
I'm trying to consider your mom's point of view. And what other than saying something is unacceptable to her is an over reaction-did she raise her voice?
Could she have been concerned that it's a display of attention seeking behavior?

[Travelinglady]

I am a senior lady, too. I suggest you wear something over your shirt if you have no bra underneath IF your nipples show. I like to go braless, too, sometimes, but if someone is coming over, male or female, I cover up a bit.

[Molinit]

Gee whiz, why bother with a shirt then? Since the other answers are encouraging you to do what you like.

[avlady]

I don't see a problem with this.

[seesaw]

Because the reason she would be raped is because shes not wearing a bra? You think that a rapist cares whether or not you're wearing a bra? Wear what you want. You could be nude and it would still not be your fault a man assaults you. There is nothing you do that makes it your fault a man rapes or assaults you. Period.

[piggy momma]

Originally Posted by luvyrself

I’m a senior (older woman) and I agree with Mom. Sorry, there are rapists and you don’t know these workers. If you were my daughter or granddaughter I wouldn’t call you names. I would just suggest you wise up and protect yourself. Young people think nothing can happen to them. When I was a college student I used to walk to the library alone at night even though I knew there had been rapes on campus. This was a huge campus and no one might have heard me scream if something happened. Some men love smaller breasts, not to mention what nipples can do to a guy. Do you know the statistics about how often during one day a man thinks about sex-lots. You could always throw an open button up shirt over whatever top is showing your nipples.

So if she doesn’t wear a bra and gets raped it’s her fault? What are the statistics on bras preventing rape? I haven’t read them before.

[Molinit]

A few people seem to be over-reacting.

There are strangers in your home. Would you leave the house with no bra? If not, then put one on when strangers are in your home.

If you want to walk around your home with no bra and strangers are looking at you, then that's on you.

Also, it's your mother's house. If you're going to live there and she wants you to wear a bra when there are men you don't know in your house, then put the bra on. You can be braless as much as you want with whoever you like when you're paying for your own house.

I am going to respectfully call for decorum here if the moderators don't get here before me.

I want to remind folks that the OP is an 18 year old who asked for our advice in good faith.

Wearing a bra is not a legal requirement. It is a socially constructed norm in some patriarchal societies.

Bras are NOT good for health or breast tissue. Do your research. They do not help with lift etc. Over time, they have the opposite effect because the tissue depends on the bra for support. Same reason you should only wear an ankle brace on an injured ankle when you run...not all the time or the ankle will grow dependent on the brace and become weaker. Bras also constrict breathing and comfort...they are a tight band of fabric right across the ribs.

Yes, I do leave my home without wearing a bra sometimes. Nobody noticed and nobody raped me.

Rape is not associated with being braless. Rape is associated with violent offenders who seek to overpower and dominate innocent people who happen to cross their path.

The fact that rape was mentioned in a thread with a simple question from a girl asking about bra etiquette is appalling to me. Standards???

I have chatted with Laure, the OP. She is an intelligent and introspective young woman. Any of us would be lucky to know her and should respect her questions and concerns.

[Calypso2632]

Thank you @HopefullyLost1211 I agree with all you said. I also leave my house with no bra. And I have a larger chest. It is what it is. Read up on it. Bras really aren't good for us. Moms can be nit picky and were raised with different thinking than some of us have acquired. I'm 36 and had to start wearing sports bras in like 5th grade I think cause boobs. Ugh. I was a tomboy. That broke my little heart. Lol. But now I have my fair share of assorted bras from sexy to boring comfy sports bras ment to work in and no matter what I can't wait to get out of them. Braless doesn't equate to being brazen or rape-y.. it's just for a person's comfort level and taste.

[Quarter life]

I have now renovated 3 homes and landscaped 2 gardens...and I gotta tell you that I have encountered many tradesman in the process of completing certain contracts in my home who wore singlets or no shirt and had much larger breasts than mine....I wonder if their Mothers railed on them.

In this 21st century everyone should wear what they like when they like...this isn't the Edwardian Era.

[TishaBuv]

I learned from this thread about a bra not really being helpful. I thought they did help keep your breasts from sagging sooner. I suppose everything can be good and can also be bad for you. Who knew?

I get the impression that your mother’s intention for telling you to wear the bra was in regards to the workers ogling her daughter. She wanted to avoid whatever was upsetting to her about that scenario.

By age 18, though, you are making your own choices as a woman. I’d think some conversation has come up in the past regarding modesty and unwanted male attention.

I’m not sure why she would hurl some hurtful words toward you about it. Was there some issue about this in the past?

There may be some deeper struggle with you are who you want to be and she is who she is.

My opinion on ‘to bra or not to bra’ is I cover up when I don’t want that attention and flaunt it when I do.

[sarahsweets]

There is nothing wrong with not wearing a bra. I often joke I am "braless and lawless". If its uncomfortable do not wear one. Mind comes off when I get home too.