Emotional abuse? Controlling? What's he doing to me?!

“When he’s happy, we’re perfectly fine” Hmmm... Okay, when you are unhappy are you fine? A partnership is when both partners look at what makes their partner happy or unhappy and tries to tilt the relationship to happy.

That said, it sounds like his attitude is becoming “make me happy or there will be hell to pay!” ... and let me guess: it’s becoming more and more like that? And the man you started dating and who had such wonderful things to say about the future for the two of you, that man has disappeared— mostly—but reappears JUST ENOUGH to give you hope hope hope that you can get back to how wonderful it was at the beginning?

I think you deserve a partner who’s more consistently nice to you and listens to what makes you happy or unhappy without making you feel bad about speaking up about how you feel.

Thank you ALL so much for your beautiful replies, you wonderful people - I am so so so terribly sorry for not replying to all of your caring meaningful responses sooner and individually. I really want to emphasise how much these messages do in fact mean to me, I have read all of them carefully and am overwhelmed by the support and understanding I took the popular advice on board and tried to break up with my boyfriend but he's apologised and wants another chance which I gave him after a very long intense phone call.. We're meeting latee today to discuss it further.

Forgive me, all - I know I am probably not doing the right thing knowing he'll never change but I would like to see what CAN change.. for closure, I think. this is his final chance to make things right, I promise.

I hope you're all well thank you all, again - I am truly touched.

I'm so terribly sorry to hear about such awful treatment from this man and those unhelpful people.. that's one of my biggest fears, denied being saved from a stoppable situation - an attack, theft, accident etc... Thank you so much for sharing, you brave , strong person

Being abused by one man is not worth it, not at all !! Thank you for this, really - these responses are eye opening and I'm seeing everything a lot clearer and far more confidently. thank you

Just remind yourself that deserve better treatment and start reading up on patterns of verbal and emotional abuse in romantic relationships. The more that you inform and educate yourself, the stronger you'll feel and eventually, will be able to set firm boundaries with abusive men, to protect yourself.

That boyfriend of yours is not a good guy and he'll do anything he can to reel you back in to the cycle of abuse he's created. I hope you'll find the strength to leave him behind when you're ready! I know you gave him a second chance, but just know, that is what he wanted and he will tell you whatever you want to hear, and he will treat you sweetly until he knows he's hooked you again. And then he'll verbally abuse you and then shame you when you react aware that you know what he's doing. FYi: men who verbally/emotionally abuse and manipulate will never acknowledge that's what they're doing. They will lie to you, deflect, and evade accountability. Take it from a gal who's been hit a few times. I still get manipulated, but at least I stop the cycle before it gets to the physical abuse stage now. Being single for a decade was not by choice, but because i attracted abusers into my life. So, until I can fix that codependent part of myself that attracts abusive men, I am very, very, leery of men at the slightest verbal cue that they're abusive, passive, aggressive.

i wish you luck dear! Always put yourself first in your relationships with men. Don't date a man to fix him, b/c you can't. The only person who can fix a broken man, is himself. And if he doesn't want to do the work, he'll just look for convenient victims to project his self-disgust on to, and will abuse because that fills the void he has within himself, that is self-loathing. Until he fixes himself, he will continue to abuse women.

(((eclairparty98))), I think with your situation it may be helpful to see if this individual is using emotional blackmail on you. "I can't feel good unless YOU behave a certain way" and "learn to put MY needs before your own needs". An unhealthy person will be "I like you, I like you enough to have you be one that fills all my needs for me that I can control".

I have to ask, now just reading this for the first time, what in that phone call that made you change your mind from "he's abusing me, I want out" to "I believe he deserves a second chance"? And what will be that line he needs to cross in order for you to be over and out?