To Co-sign or not?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. I trust him completely but have reservations to bring this topic of cosigning a lease together. We want to move in together this fall or early next year, but I haven't talked to him about this yet.

Part of the reason I don't feel comfortable cosigning is a suggestion from my brother-in-law, sister and mom, who have all gone through terrible experiences where they've trusted their people, but in the end, it got nasty and money was an issue. Basically, we don't know what will happen and if we break up, someone will be liable. And it could get messy. And it's best to cosign when we are married.

I'm 29 going on 30 but have never lived with a partner. Right now, he has his own place and I give him money when he needs it for rent, groceries, bills, etc. He plans to move in with his parents to pay down some things when his lease is up while we decide when we want to move out together.

I understand where my family is coming from... they want me to be wise and make a good decision. I do trust myself and my partner, but they have a point. My partner, on the other hand, wants me to have equal responsibility and see what it's like to say this is my share of the rent.

What should I do about it? What do I say when I bring this up to my boyfriend? Eventually we will have to talk about it.

It's good advice to avoid cosigning for any person, family or not. But here are my reasons:

1. A person that needs a cosigner is almost invariably someone that has already screwed up their credit. If it's a young person without credit, they can usually get started with credit without cosigning, so it leaves people that for whatever reason have not been good with credit in the past. In other words there's a reason creditors are not willing to extend a line of credit or financing to them alone.

2. When you cosign you are basically taking on the responsibility of the credit being paid back. Sure you may think that the person who has the financing is responsible but they are literally riding on your score and reputation with credit. Why do I say this? Because any delinquency and esp. default falls 100% on you. You will have to get this square or suffer the credit damage. Sure the debtor takes a hit too but hey their credit already sucks so YOU are the only one to suffer if all goes bad. You might as well take out a loan yourself and lend it to them hoping they will pay it back!

in your case, this is a person that you are attached to for now but there is no permanent commitment. Anything goes bad in the relationship and if it's bad enough, they will leave you high and dry or at least can and just stop paying on loans they know you'll end up bearing the burden of. There's really no accountability attached to a loan that's cosigned. I wouldn't cosign for a family member, how much less for someone like a bf/gf that isn't necessarily going to remain?

2 years in a relationship does not make a solid ground for any financial commitments. I honestly would not do anything financially tying you to them in any way, like buying a car together, a house, or anything that requires financing at all. Heck I wouldn't even share a bank account til you're committed.

think very long and hard about the question of whether you'd be willing to take on a loan yourself of $xxxx amount in the first place, if not, cosigning for that same loan is a very very very bad idea.

some references:
5 Reasons Why Co-Signing A Loan Is Bad For Your Financial Health

Why You Should Never Co-Sign (And 6 Things to Do Instead)

Cosign for a Credit Card - Reasons Cosigning is a Bad Idea - CreditFast(R)

I had to reply again separately with regards to what you've said here. I'm sorry but he's unable to financially support himself now when you aren't even living with him you're helping him pay rent, groceries and stuff? You're already supporting him, and you haven't even moved in together. Whatever mistakes he's made to over burden himself is not something you want to go into a relationship with. It's just a bad idea all around. If someone is willing to burden their partner with financial issues even before they are living together or eventually married how does that set up the relationship in a way that will help the financially burdened get on their feet and figure out how to take care of their own finances?


I'm sorry, but this is not at all fair to you. I'm going to assume you are financially stable enough to have your own bills taken care of, considering you're doing what you do to support him too. How is it logical that a clearly financially unstable person is suggesting that you have equal responsibility of things as if YOU are the one that has a questionable financial management situation? Why is he talking about equal responsibility when right now he is clearly showing he doesn't even know what it means to be responsible financially in the first place?

I invite you to stop and think about how backward that is.

I am sorry but there are so many red flags. I would never co-sign anything for anyone. I dont think I even would with my kids. He cant afford to move in with you because he cant even pay for stuff now.

If what I said earlier was misinterpreted, I meant to say that I help out because I want to even though I don't have a legal obligation to this place. And no, he is very responsible with his money. The reason I give him money is because I stay here more than I do my own family's place. It is only fair that if I'm staying with him 90% of the time, I help out in some way. I get your point but I wouldn't automatically assume he is irresponsible.

UPDATE: I think what I wrote is being misunderstood. I help out every month without any pressure from him. I do this because I WANT TO. There are times when partners need money like when they've suddenly lost their job, or an unexpected emergency comes up. He is responsible with his money and, in fact has excellent credit. My co-signing concerns are more of what I would legally bound myself to if we're not even legally committed yet. Does that make sense??

Okay, this is not like co-signing a loan. This is the requirement of both tenants signing a lease. This is usually the case when renting a residence.

ahhh that is not cosigning at all. I would expect that if partners move in together that they share the rent and are both on the lease. completely different. Though my information on cosigning still stands, it doesn't apply to your case

It's true though with my follow up reply that with your initial post, it sounded as though he was strapped a lot. If that were the case I'd still say be careful with moving in with someone not stable but if his credit is excellent he's doing a good amount right.

As for moving in with each other, I would only hope that you have all your ducks in a row and are sure that you are ready for the long term.

Thanks for clarifying!

I agree with everyone above.

I think it's great that you help out with the rent and utilitize (and food, etc.), and I think you should, but why must you co-sign a lease? Your boyfriend can do that himself if he's not strapped for money, then if you do breakup (which you yourself even said that could be a possibility) he can kick you out and get another roommate. If that were to come to pass, it would be an easier situation all around, especially for him, other than needing to find a subletter.

I think it's best for people who aren't legally married, or in a legal partnership, to keep things separate, at least to the degree where splitting is easy. Don't co-sign a lease, don't share a bank account, don't co-sign on a car loan, etc. You may respond to my mention of you writing "if we break up" with a "No, we won't break up", but the fact is, it happens a lot even to people who think they're totally in love. If you are not ready to commit to marriage or a legal partnership that provides more protections, I'd consider my advice. Many people even rush into marriage without thinking about it very very seriously.

If your boyfriend breaks up with you over you not co-signing a lease, then I guess that would be for the best. Or, you could take care of the whole lease without your boyfriend co-signing.

Well they are not living together yet but I would disagree in that if two people are equally responsible for the rent, then both of them should be on the lease. Actually it does the opposite of one or the other being able to easily kick the other out, if both are on the lease. if one is the holder of the lease, then they can at any time just do that. That's actually not something I would personally recommend.

though I would agree on all other aspects of sharing finances. Car, loans, bank accounts should be kept separate.

Is this actually your financial goal, to rent? You have been living with your parents all this time, maybe you have enough for a down payment on a house?

Is this like a lease where you each are bound for half the rent to the landlord-almost like "legal lease roomates"? or is this just the two of you being one one lease? If its individual between each of you and the landlord I can see agreeing to be on the lease because if your BF flakes out the landlord cant come after you. But if both of you are on one lease and the BF stops paying rent or you breakup and he moves out you will still be responsible for all the rent until the lease is up.

The two of us on one lease.

Maybe that's where I confused people... I'm talking about the two of us moving in together. Signing one lease.

I had no idea they could do that with one apartment but yes if this is possible then it's better