I made a stupid mistake.

Definitely, Lizard lady. A child absolutely should be wanted by both parents. In most cases the child will sense it if one of their parents didn't want to have them.

Well many single people have children such as single adoption or having a donor. Many people raised by a married couple are messed up. And many people raised by a single person turn out absolutely outstanding. I saw it all.

Saying that, if she wants to have children NOW and you don’t, why wasn’t it discussed ahead of time and why isn’t she married to someone who is ready to procreate. This doesn’t make sense.

We discussed kids, but never on when. She has this list of things she wants in life and in what order. Right now she has completed the steps on HER list leading up to kids. However she hasn’t taken into consideration the debt she owes on credit cards, student loans, and social security. Off the top of my head I think it’s well over 50k in debt in total. But she sees food stamps and WIC as a answer to this. Which I support those services offered by the government for those that NEED them. Not for someone who sees them as a asset to speed up the there conception date though.

I don’t know if she’s intentionally doing this or not. But I have the habit of putting other people’s wants before my own. I’m a textbook people pleaser. I’ll go great lengths to make others happy even if it means forgoing my own happiness. So I’m not sure if she is using this to her advantage or not. Because every time I tell her what I want or how I feel. She’ll flip it around, make me the bad guy, try to convince me, or “compromise” as she puts it. But I don’t think there’s such a thing as a compromise when it comes to wanting a kid. You’re either ready or not, want them or don’t. So her trying to come up with these compromises. Like only having unprotected sex when she’s ovulating I believe is a attempt to compromise.

I’ve made an appointment with a therapist so I can talk about this. But unfortunately that’s not until later in August. He’s probably going to tell me what my past therapist have told me. Which is to end the relationship. I’m not looking forward to the conversations too come with my wife. I’m sure she’ll call me cruel for leading her on, start crying, making me feel like the bad guy. But honestly someone has to think logically in this relationship.

If you don’t already know of it, you might want to look into emotional blackmail, which is what she is doing to you.

Ummm only having unprotected sex while she’s ovulating ??!! That’s a sure fire way to make a baby. Was this typed in error maybe ?

Just her assuming that she will qualify for public assistance is ridiculous on her part. She’s totally irresponsible.

You are the only one that can absolutely make it impossible for her to have your child is by NOT HAVING SEX WITH HER , period.

No that was her idea of a compromise.

You didn’t even want to get married!

Manipulating you into having a child is terribly wrong both for the child and for you.

She is just trying to trick you into getting her pregnant.

Please read up about how and when babies are conceived. But she’s already tried to remove your condom ... what more proof do you need ???

I fear she will get her way and you will have a child your are not prepared to have emotionally and certainly not financially ready for.

Please see a Therapist and learn how to stand up to her, do you really want to be married to a woman that willingly is disregarding your thoughts and feelings about a HUGE decision in life. Personally I wouldn’t have a pet until you decide how to proceed with her.

Good luck

So I stood up to her and obviously she made me come out to be the bad guy. I told her we need to wait until we are both ready. I also stated if she can’t wait then we need to talk about the future of our relationship. Which seemed to have really struck a nerve with her. So now it’s basically she’s unsure if she can wait.

Having a good faith, nonmanipulative discussion of differences does not include making someone out to be the bad guy.

Your saying “obviously” suggests that you are seeing through her techniques.

Good job!

Emotional manipulation and blackmailing is VERY bad. If someone is practicing that they are certainaly NOT ready to have a child. This kind of person can also practice this with the child which is extremely bad for any child.

I am sorry but I remember when you were here panning to marry her for all the wrong reasons. Some people got mad when I and few others suggested to not get married for those reasons.

I honestly think that you ought to end this. She sounds like a disturbed individual who is trying to have a child to fill the void in her life. She needs mental health help ASAP to get to the bottom of wanting children immediately and not willing to wait, you need to focus on bettering your own life.

And please do not have sex with her, protected or not, just don’t. This doesn’t sound like a healthy marriage. You deserve better

Having unprotected sex especially when a woman ovulates, is what people do when they want to get pregnant. It’s not any kind of compromise. She thinks you don’t know how babies are made I guess

Stuck, it's very important you realize WHAT it will mean for YOU if she was able to get pregnant by you. That child would be something YOU would be held responsible for and be expected to pay towards it's care even if your marriage did not work out. It's important to pay attention to what your wife is doing too when she tries to emotionally blackmail you, once you have that child she can use that to blackmail you with as well. A woman who practices emotional blackmail and with holding WILL do that same with a child too. As I mentioned that is extremely unhealthy for a child to experience and can create life long challenges that YOU would be stuck dealing with. And what if the child ends up having special needs? That's even more challenging for ANY parent let alone a parent that was not ready to have a child to begin with.

You are JUST starting to work and earn your way in your life right now, you should be much more established before you commit to take on the responsibility of a child. Also, once she gets that child she will most likely not be there for you, do you want that? After all, she isn't really there for YOU now all that much is she? Actually, she sounds extremely immature and on the selfish side and she may very well put you in a position where you are trapped when you have not really had time to work and grow as a person yet. Keep in mind the human brain doesn't even finish growing until about age 25. A person grows and matures a great deal between that time and when they reach their 30's.

I am not one that cares to tell people what to do or to end a relationship. Instead I prefer to offer some advice that I think may help a person make a better decision for themselves while considering things they may not even think about yet.

You presented that list of how to be in a healthy relationship. You noticed areas that you were lacking. That list is of things you need to work on while married and marriage/relationships ARE work and require both individuals to be willing to do that work. It's very important when making a decision to have a child that you understand the very long commitment when it comes to having a child and if you are reallly ready for that huge commitment. Sometimes a pregnancy just happens without planning, yet, it's clear your wife wants to find a way to get pregnant no matter how you really feel about it. While some women choose to have a child without being married, it's a very different story when in a marriage in that both individuals are LEGALLY bound to care for that child.

Well she’s pissed, no shocker there. Says that she understands my reasoning for wanting to wait. She explained it as logically she knows that having a child now would be very difficult. But her “emotional side” doesn’t care and wants one now. Also that it’s “hard to quiet the emotional side”.

Honestly I’m not sure if I want to remain with her at this point. I love her, but it takes more than that to make a marriage work. Our communication has become terrible. I can feel myself pulling away from her as the days go by. So I’m not sure, part of me wishes that she would leave me when she realizes that a child won’t happen anytime soon. Another part of me hopes we could work it out.

She is younger than you correct? From what I recall you are 24 and she is around 20?

She’s 25 and I’m 26

Update time

So we’re doing a little bit better. She secretly got off her Fibromyalgia medication because it’s not good for a fetus. Anyways she couldn’t deal with being off the meds and came to me saying that we should wait until she can lose weight.

Honestly we were waiting anyways but I thought at least she got on board by herself. However no more than two days later she’s already wanting me to get her pregnant. Which I’m pissed off about. This is getting ridiculous.

You say your doing better , first sentence.

Then

Last bit is her again wanting to get pregnant ?

So ummmm how are things better????

If she’s on the pill you need to physically watch her swallow it each day. Because if not she will get pregnant regardless of your wanting to wait, since she basically told you she only wants sex while ovulating because HELLO that’s when a woman is able to get pregnant.

Please google to read facts about when a woman can get pregnant.

Hi Stuck1nhead

Love in itself is rarely enough to build a life together with another person...see I emphasised the 'Building a life together' part? To build a life it takes money, planning and similar vision. It certainly isn't a prerequisite to both want all the same things, there has to be a level of autonomy...But the important visions and plans like bringing children into the world are an absolute deal breaker. In my opinion no one should have to compromise when it comes to the major decisions... if you aren't on the same page, then you don't want the same life.

Yes she deserves the life she wants...But so do you.

I’ve given up with her trying to see reason. All she does is is watch baby videos, read pregnancy books, and talk kids. It’s just so unattractive now. So unattractive that sex of off the table for at least a few months.

Is Couple therapy an option? Individual therapy for both?

That’s expensive and we do not possess the funds for that.

Would your health care plan cover some of at least limited individual sessions?

Yes and I have my first counseling session in two years on Thursday.