cheating spouse

My husband cheated on me with a co worker. We have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids. He said that he did it because of lack of attention from me. Really he has not been paying me any attention either. We both have seemed to have grown apart. He says that he loves only me and that the affair with her was only one time. Now he wants the marriage to work, but I have my doubts. I want to give him another chance, but I am so afraid of this happening again. Anybody been thru this. Is there any hope for this marriage?

well....im not married, im a bit young yet but...

its really up to you whether or not you want to try this again....

On one hand....

They say, once a cheat always a cheat. How do you know that he isnt going to go back to this other woman right? If he honestly loved you and your children i dont think he wouldve done it in the first place. If he was feeling neglected by you, or vice versa, i think he needs to talk to you about it. I get the impression that there is a lack of communication between you two.

Of course...there are always other things to consider.

Marriage counseling is a great option. Like i said there are other things to consider, if you can support yourself and your kids by yourself, your kids in general, how stressful that will be on both of you. Im not trying to sway your judgement. But i wanted to give my perspective from both sides.

My personal opinion is, if you really think that he means it, Then i would say give him another chance, work through it in counseling, as hard as that is going to be. That would be my suggestion. If you can fix this then great! If not then you cant say that you didnt try, and there wont be any guilt in that. Do whatever you can to get through this. It wil be a true test of your relationship. If it doesnt work then it looks like you would have to move on. But, if it didnt work out, you will at least have the satisfaction of knowing that you cared enough to try. Good luck dear.

"in a haze a stormy haze i'll be round i'll be loving you always, always...here i am and i take my time here i am ill wait in line always, always..." ~coldplay~

I've been through this, but till this very day he says "it was nothing", even though I found the "charges", itineriarys of the flights, etc." to prove otherwise, they traveled overseas a lot together and to CA often even when she was out there taking a course (not work) he met her at her hotel and took her out (as usual) Yeah, right it was nothing!!!! I did not just fall of the cabbage cart!! I later found out through her sister in law that she cheated on her husband with her husbands twin brother, yulk She has 2 children, she's a "*****"
Throough therapy plus a stay I signed my self into a psych ward for suicidal idealities (357 mag to the head) and there is were they got me stabilised with meds. and talk therapy .
With time things have gotten better, yeah he said the same thing "I love only you". I'd like to believe that but it is hard. . .but I keep trying, we will be married 25yrs in April, know each other for 31 yrs. I just keep working on trusting him again, but it is hard sometimes : (
Try family therapy if you see things are not progressing, it really can help
"darkeyes"

I am going to give the opposite of Darkeyes coin here. I had an emotional affair. I know it isn't quite the same as actually lying down with the other guy but it was intense and extremely hurtful to my husband. I did it to escape from the pain that was my marriage. I feel horrible for what I did because I didn't want to hurt my husband I just wanted to stop hurting myself. Thankfully my husband stuck with me. It prompted me to get into therapy and the both of us into couples therapy. I would never do it again because now I know I CAN talk to my husband, it is ok to say things that might hurt his feelings or make him mad. I couldn't do that before. I hurt all the time because I couldn't say these things to him.

Before you call it quits please go to couples counseling and see what happens.
Zen

<font color=green>The snow falls on no two trees alike, and the forms it assumes are as various as those of the twigs and leaves which recieve it...so one divine spirit decends alike on all, but bears a peculiar fruit in each--Henry David Thoreau

i've never been married but have been cheated on before. i tend to believe love can conquer all and marriage is sacred and worth fighting for.

yes, there is hope if you both are willing to work through all the issues, sex and communication issues. try not to blame; it's useless. somewhere walls separated you two. you both have to tear those walls down completely and learn how to share each other, completely with one another...intimacy. (((Huggs)))