I wish this feeling would go away

People ARE trying to support her, but no one here is going to encourage the OP to chase or pursue a married man, and everyone here is encouraging her to focus on other things and move on. Not only that, but to know and understand that a married man pursuing a woman outside his marriage cannot be trusted. People are trying to look out for her well-being in this situation. Nothing good can come of it. What else can we do?

I've had several married men chase me, and they all say the same things as this man. Things are rocky right now, I don't love my wife, my wife doesn't love me, I want to leave her. And what happened? They ALL stayed with their wives in the end. When something didn't happen with me, they most likely moved on to some other poor unsuspecting woman who would say yes to them.

And this man? Staying because of finances? Does his wife support him or the other way around? Seems like a similar type of excuse to not leave and to have sex or an affair with another woman, stringing her along, with no intentions of leaving.

It's far easier to have an affair and find women to have sex with than it is to leave your wife and go through a divorce where finances and children are involved.

People here are trying to warn the OP to protect her, and to imply differently is insulting.

You are right it is easier and i dont condone affairs. Ive tried everything and hes still in my heart. With that being said why do the wives stay?

Anyway i have tried everything to get this man 9ut of my heart and mind not going anywhere even with time.
My point is by reaching out is to NOT have an affair but just get clarity and apologize to him. And let him know i care. No expectations. Ive given him space. Ignoring it is not working
If its meant to be everyone involved will be well cared for with no guilt or backlash. If not ill be free in my heart and mind. I can do that without meddling in his marriage

Anyway i have tried everything to get this man 9ut of my heart and mind not going anywhere even with time.

So what do you want to apologize for and what do you seek clarity on?

When you say if it’s meant to be, no one will be hurt, how does this situation play itself out in your mind so that no one is hurt, and without guilt or backlash? How does this situation ideally play itself out in your mind?

Iapologize for shuttibg down and lashing out
The marriage would disolve naturally without me being in the middle.if it and without anyone leaving for anyone else. And their wounds would be healed during that process That would create an enviroment for us. To create somethibg that does not involve sneaky deceptive behavior vreate bad karma.
If its meant to be

What do you seek clarity on though with him? How he feels about you?

If you truly want the marriage to dissolve on its own without your influence, you would have to separate yourself entirely from the situation and also NOT confess that you’re in love with him. Also understand that the divorce process can take a year or more. To avoid any harm to anyone, you would have to keep your distance for a long time. If he filed papers, that’s one thing. But until then you would have to keep a far distance.

No you haven't, otherwise you still wouldn't be hung up on this:


It doesn't matter.

If you want to get over a crush for real, you have to do more than simply avoid contacting him. Ruminating over it will get you nothing but wasted time and heartache. He's gone. Just let him be gone.

Some things are not meant to get past.

Yes ive done that for a long time kept distance. But i do need to reach out and apologize. At least so he will know i care. Nothing is wrong with that. Then step back

For real? Girlfriend, you titled this thread "I wish this feeling would go away," and now you're saying you aren't meant to get past it?

I don't think you know what you want.

but you have that longing

You still haven’t answered the question on what kind of clarity you seek? You want to let him know you care? That’s trying to influence him in your direction. An apology is one thing, trying to influence him is another.

I think you still want to tell him you love him and ask how he feels about you?

The longing goes away. You just have to let go of it.

If that was the case. It would have by now. Im let go of the outcome. I dont expect anything

The marriage would disolve naturally without me being in the middle.if it and without anyone leaving for anyone else. And their wounds would be healed during that process That would create an enviroment for us. To create somethibg that does not involve sneaky deceptive behavior vreate bad karma.
If its meant to be

Hi Denise70, I so feel for you.

Years ago I fell in love with a man; we were both married. My own marriage was not in a good place. I fairly begged my husband to go with me for marriage counseling, but he refused to go. I fell hard for the other man. We had an affair for 3 years. At the end, he had to move away, and wanted me to come with him. I had children and pets I definitely did not want to leave...and I really didn't want to get a divorce. So I broke off the relationship.

Like everything in life there were goods and bads about having the affair. The bad part was that ending the relationship was terribly difficult. I went into the situation so naively...I was desperate for a man's attention and devotion and I really was in love with the man, yet I thought leaving the relationship would be as easy as getting into it.

Well, leaving was not easy at all; it was miserably painful for both of us. It was a pain that has lasted to this day - and it's been 20 years. And notice that there is a stark difference between infatuation and love.

The good part was that I actually felt more loving toward my husband. I stopped feeling that I had to focus on him as if he was the only source of romantic male relationship in my life.

So without going into a list of details I will tell you that should you pursue the man you're interested in be aware that he will never stop loving his wife. Or at least obsessing over her. You will be in constant competition with his feelings for her. Even if you don't hold any negative feelings for her, that feeling of being in competition for his attention is so very painful.

And know that while it's easy to get into an affair it is not easy to extricate yourself from it. There will be a massive amount of pain and hurt that a lot of people have to cope and live with.

Bottom line: don't fool yourself into thinking an affair will be all sunshine and roses, because it isn't.


btw, his wife and I became close friends. He did eventually divorce her (years later), but they remain friends.


As for me, I don't care if anyone judges me or not. I did what I thought was best at the time and no, I do not regret it as ultimately, it strengthened my marriage. Life it not black/white.

Which again goes to show that typically people will remain married rather than divorce and break up a family.