I wish this feeling would go away

Bill 3. Its about equal.

I wonder whether alone each pain might be manageable but together they feel overwhelming?

Bill 3. Its all overwhelming. The attraction the guilt yes

Well you’re ignoring my messages. Im stepping out. I’m getting too triggered by your situation. Especially for me, when I’m married and I would be most upset if my husband was playing around with a woman, rocky marriage of not. . I wish you the best.

I'm really sorry for how overwhelming the feelings are right now. Judging by the title you gave this thread, it sounds like you wish you didn't have the feelings that assail you at the moment.

“My marriage is on the rocks” is a typical story cheaters give women so they can get laid. Please don’t fall for this.

If a man “pursued” you while married, he isn’t a decent person. You want a relationship with this kind of guy?

If he is a cheater he’ll cheat on you too. He’ll tell women that his relationship is on the rocks so he can get into their pants, all while you are clueless about the whole thing

I understand it might painful for you now to have these desires for him, but imagine how painful it will be when you two get together and one day you’ll find out that he pursues other women or sleeps around. I ensure you it will be much more painful

Please. Plenty of available men out there

And if your goal isn’t an affair then what is it? Ignoring him is just perfectly fine. You aren’t required to interact with anyone for any reason

And yet you've gotten yourself emotionally invested in someone who is, at present, emotionally unavailable.

As everyone has already mentioned, what he does with his marriage is ultimately his decision to make, and he needs time and space to make that decision. You trying to get involved is only going to complicate things. Regardless of what your intentions are, their supposed happiness, or anything else, it's important that he be allowed to make that choice of his own free will.

Until such a time, you sitting around waiting for him is only going to cause you emotional turmoil.

I am not waiting on him i am living my life i actually was dating soneone elsexwhen we met

I think you should continue living your life and stop worrying where he is in all this. If he is the type to pursue women while married, you can never trust anything he says. So reaching out in hopes of clarity is pointless. Move on and enjoy what life has to offer outside of being interested in married men

How old is he, does he have children? Can you answer that question?

He has one chi middle ages

Don't cause any harm to that man's family. Children suffer from a father cheating on their mother too. They tend to feel Dad did not love THEM enough to stay loyal to his family. The family unit is sacred, really, don't be a part of any family breaking apart.

If this man is not happy, let HIM figure all that out.

Look, my pen pal is a married man and we talk about everything. I like him but know we will just be friends. If you set boundaries and limit the amount of contact, there is nothing wrong with being in contact with a married man. If he is interested in more than a platonic relationship, well, that is a different story. I talk to different men too, not just to this pen pal who is married. I like him a lot too but know that his marriage is his choice and responsibility. So, if you tell him how you feel about not wanting an affair and like talking to him, I don’t see any problem with interacting with him. You say you are falling for him in your op,. If this is the case, then I would try to distract yourself with other interests or people. Most married men who have affairs don’t leave their wives. They just want sex and if this is all you want too, well, I am not one to judge. You are your own master!

No i dont want just sex. And yes either whether its just sex its not right thats why i feel so guilty. I put myself in other shoes. And yes i stay busy

It's good to keep a good distance so you can actually "think" about it instead of just acting on your emotions.

It's is ok to ask how old you are?

Also, marriages go through phases too. Couples often feel challenges as they go through these phases, it doesn't mean their marriage is necessarily genuinely on the rocks. Each decade brings new challenges, a different phase in a relationship. It's not unusual for a "middle aged" couple, especially the male to need a presence that can provide some kind of boost to his male ego. This doesn't mean he is necessarily ready to end his marriage.

For u to say that is an insult to me.
I fulky understand couples go thru phases thats why i gave him space. He stays for the finances
But he dont love hef. Let me ask u something. 2ouldnt u want ur partner to love u. I wouldnt be there if mine didnt and yes i was actually dating someone when we met. Ive moved on but marriage is way more complicated to leave i get it so no its not an ego boost for him

Which doesn't matter. Yet again, it's his marriage and his choice.

Yes. And i respect whatever decision he makes this is not easy for anyone. I would rather know i could trust him if something happens between us down the road

If what happens?

Nothing should happen. You're moving on.

I meant if we were both free and he healed things with her. As well i dont need baggage

Honestly, you never shared your age, or his until just recently. For all members know this guy could be older and you could be young and naive. THAT has happened, and members have actually shared that in this relationship forum.

And there ARE men out there that use the line about how their marriage is bad, their wife is mean, but they are stuck because of finances. When what they want is to get someone they can have an affair with and fool around. And they can be very convincing too.

Members are concerned you don't get hurt, that's all. OR that you don't engage some man where he leaves because you give him a reason to do so. It's much better if this man resolves his marriage issues first, where it's all HIS decision. And some men never make that break happen too. So it ends up being a waste of time and heartache.

Of course he tells you he doesn’t love his wife. Would a man who tends to pursue other women be telling them that he loves his wife? Of course not. It’s a well known lines “my marriage is on a rocks” “I don’t love her” etc

He can’t be trusted. He lies to his wife so there is no guarantee he is honest whth you.

Generally speaking decent men either end their marriage and become single before pursuing other women or they remain committed to their marriage. No decent married men chase other women while staying with their wives “for finances”.

It doesn’t matter what he tells you or if he loves his wife. You don’t want the kind of indecent men in your life. You deserve a man with integrity and moral compass. This dude isn’t it

Good grief people

Well I think the OP has been flooded with enough people throwing things at her, yes most everyone is going to talk about Morals and Men lying etc etc.

What I think this OP needs is to be asked how can she find support here
while she’s in a situation like this. Life is not black and white.

So Denise ... is there anything I can do to help ? Feel free to PM me , I’m a good listener

People ARE trying to support her, but no one here is going to encourage the OP to chase or pursue a married man, and everyone here is encouraging her to focus on other things and move on. Not only that, but to know and understand that a married man pursuing a woman outside his marriage cannot be trusted. People are trying to look out for her well-being in this situation. Nothing good can come of it. What else can we do?

I've had several married men chase me, and they all say the same things as this man. Things are rocky right now, I don't love my wife, my wife doesn't love me, I want to leave her. And what happened? They ALL stayed with their wives in the end. When something didn't happen with me, they most likely moved on to some other poor unsuspecting woman who would say yes to them.

And this man? Staying because of finances? Does his wife support him or the other way around? Seems like a similar type of excuse to not leave and to have sex or an affair with another woman, stringing her along, with no intentions of leaving.

It's far easier to have an affair and find women to have sex with than it is to leave your wife and go through a divorce where finances and children are involved.

People here are trying to warn the OP to protect her, and to imply differently is insulting.