Another group of difficult people

@TishaBuv, would you consider seeing a therapist rather than psychiatrist. I mean you could see a psychiatrist for meds but that’s what they do. They aren’t going to listen to you about issues you have. Unless that psychiatrist also provides therapy, which some do. Does he not suggest therapy when you bring up bad treatment by other people? He sounds like a crook

After burning through nearly everyone else in town, this guy is the top rated psychiatrist. He did not recommend I do talk therapy. We asked him about it. He said he could recommend someone, but he wanted to just get the meds right in me first.

I asked if he thought I had a diagnosis. He said to not worry about that, but to trust him to tweak meds. I see the meds he gave me are designed for bipolar. I never thought I was bipolar. Maybe I am.

When I briefly told him about my issues, he really didn’t want to hear, and literally said he was “the devil” when it comes to talk therapy, and that he was only good at meds. If he gets the meds right then he will have helped me, is what he said.

So, essentially, when I said I am very depressed because I can’t get along with my husband (who was there with me at the appointment), my mother is a piece of work but we’re alright now, my son emotionally abandoned us, my sister abandoned me... He just prescribed and then upped meds.

So my take away is to not go in to a doctor complaining about the bad behavior of other people.

I want to apologise for my delation. I’m still busy and it’s gonna take me a time to reply to your posts.
But, I wanted to thanks a lot all and each of your responses.
Thank you.

I think your take away is correct. I don’t think any doctors would be listening about bad behaviors of patients’ family members. That’s just not what they do. Therapist will listen to it.

Is he going by the previous diagnosis you were given? He has to put some type of diagnosis for insurance purposes. I’d not take meds if there is no diagnosis at all: depression? Anxiety? BPD? Bipolar disorder?

He has to have some reason for prescribing meds beyond just to shut you up. Bipolar disorder meds might be for depression as you said you are depressed. I’d insist on some type of answer. I’d be afraid to just take meds not knowing what they are for

There are many scenarios, types of people, situations, etc. My POV is that some of us are sensitive or get triggered when other people have negative energy. Most difficult people aren't bad (they might have lived in trying circumstances like poverty, trauma, be in physical pain, be isolated from love, etc.) but they can bring us down if we do not protect ourselves from them. "Protection" can sometimes just be taking a break from them and putting yourself first so you can nourish yourself in order to be in a place that you are able to help them. We all can only handle so much. We all have our breaking points. I have negative energy sometimes too and have to work to be what I want to be and that includes taking medications that numb my emotions a bit/calm me down. I do "tweak' my medications depending on how I am doing (I let my psychiatrist know--she is great about understanding this) and my life circumstances and the energy of the people around me who I love effects how much medication I need to stay calm. Also, I try to consume more positive news and entertainment than negative. Life is not always positive. Sometimes people's circumstances and past experiences make it a challenge to stay positive. In my case, my negativity got so bad (nervous breakdown or whatever you might call it) that it made me accept medications and change my spiritual outlook. We can manage difficult people in our life by speaking up in a kind way and not being afraid of upsetting them.

He’s self pay. I’m just going to take the meds and trust him, see if it makes me not care anymore. I’m exhausted, so unhappy with the way things are, I don’t care about the negative effects meds may have on me. I told him and he warned me that he’ll have me committed if I say anything like that again. So, I’ll shut up.

I’m sorry to have derailed this thread and gone off subject. Back to you, guys.

TishaBuv,

Please do not stay on meds that aren't helping you and please force this guy to give you a Dx. Giving you meds after a few minutes of conversation is so dangerous and this very much scares me because it's how I ended up hospitalized 7 times. He might be the top guy in town but it doesnt mean he's any good.

If he's giving you bipolar meds, ask him why he's giving you those and what he expects them to do. You have every right to make an informed choice about your treatment and what he's doing is unethical. It also sounds like he's guessing to me (based on the way he's playing with dosage, etc.).

Please be careful.

I meant with difficult people the one who are hard to deal with. Obviously there are many categories and the majority of these categories display behaviours we can also display sometimes but they do it more often.
So, somehow we feel triggered by them.
For example, the category I was bringing here is the arrogant, the “I know everything and I will die to have the reason on my part”. Also, it seems there are people who do it on purpose in the public boards.
I must admit that I feel triggered when a person brings out a problem (s)he is going through and what they receive is being judged or a scolding. I feel very offended by this kind of behaviour.
Don’t judge me until you put on and walk on my shoes. This is key in a mental health site. I don’t know, maybe I’m also feeling judged by myself. Trying to look for answers in this thread.

I understand you but I couldn’t deal in such environment. And not only for my Social Anxiety, for me it would be very toxic. I would be literally sick.

I like your ability for compassion. Your attitude wanting to understand the other. Wish there were more people like you. Your friend seems controller and sure, she doesn’t have bad intentions. Sure, she wants to help you.
Do you think that if you call her attention about what she does and you are bothered by, she will listen to you?

Thanks for sharing this story.
It’s a good example of somebody wanted to control another person. And your daughter was afraid. This horse-rider trainer is a very sick individual.
I guess control over someone else is very appealing. I have been surround by controller people. So, maybe I have a thing with it. You know kind of love and hate type of relation with this issue. Love for the already known and hate because I like to be respected in my individuality.

I am not sure if you are talking about people in your life or specifically on this site, or thread, or some other threads.

Psych Central can be triggering just by its nature. When that happens I just go off for awhile or else invariably I get into trouble. (Like, uh, moderators messaging me)

It seems like you have a specific situation in mind but feel you can't talk about it.

To tell the truth I feel like you are being a bit vague.


Others have shared their stories from their lives and I really appreciated hearing their stories. Also thanks for letting me share. I feel I kind of dumped here about my sister. It is sad because she is dead so it can't be resolved.



Thank you, all.

Thank you for sharing your story and your wise advise. I guess one of my fault is that I focus too much on the negative side. This is truth.
It’s interesting to see how something you dislike from yourself is what triggers the more when you see it in other people.

You found a balance.

I understand your confusion. It’s my own fault.
Thanks you for sharing.

Thank you! I try.... I've called her attention to this long ago, and she probably forgot about it by now. lol. I know she doesn't mean any harm.

One of the things that "so called difficult people" do is take a tact of emotionally abusing and manipulating. They will even do it covertly where they find ways to hurt and emotionally abuse hoping you will see it. That is especially something often practiced on a site like this. The "drama queen/king" will NEED to blame others and target others either covertly or overtly even when it's actually themselves that are the problem. The other covert way they use is to emotionally abuse and manipulate in private too, then they will talk about how no one will believe you because everyone likes them. They also tend to NEED some kind of power or sense of having the control or upper hand. Actually, these individuals tend to use the trauma triangle that is talked about in a link I posted in the ptsd forum. They often don't even realize they are actually "addicted" to enacting the trauma triangle. (I will post it after I post this) . (often both BPD and NPD individuals enact this trauma triangle too).

When I shared about what I experienced with this trainer and what he said to my child? He was pulling my child into HIS way of engaging the "emotional trauma triangle", he was/is a narcissist. He was practicing emotional abusive control over her. When we chose to say "NO" and took that power away from him, his answer was to intimidate my child, even in front of others and engage in a smear campaign. He lied and tried to convince anyone he could that HE was the victim. His answer was to blame ME for being the difficult person. And the TRUTH about that is I PROVED DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO CONTROL. These individuals don't play by the rules, they only play by THEIR rules. They don't respect someone like Doc John for example, but they will choose to use the rules when it SUITS THEM.

((DechanDawa)), that is what your sister did, that is what you grieve too and that is what my sister does and is STILL doing. In fact, my sister is SO BAD that anyone who engages with her actually gets triggered. Every individual that engages her ends up saying "Wow, what a terrible witch". My older brother said, "once everything is finished she literally won't know what to do with herself because she NEEDS something to enact her addiction to create drama", which is basically enacting the trauma triangle she gets all her energy from and is so addicted to.

(((Dechan))), when you ruminate about your sister and what you wish you could say? Your brain is trying to figure out how you can somehow right a wrong. The truth is that you are powerless to right her wrongs. Your sister acted out her addiction to her trauma triangle right to her very last breath. You WANTED to love her and have a sense of peace with her, but she REFUSED to allow it. This doesn't mean YOU failed or are at fault or even that it was your job to TRY to fix her. She proved to you right to her end she would not listen or care but instead her trauma triangle was her choice in her life. It was how she chose to navigate in her life and the truth is, that is what many do choose. Your sister was never going to recognize you in any "normal" way, she needed the world to revolve around her, even if she has to engage in "emotional abuse and manipulations" to do so. That is what that trainer was trying to do with MY CHILD. What really was hard for me to see is how other children were also struggling with his behaviors, and they were too afraid to even tell their own parents. These children believed that if they told their parents it would mean they would lose being able to ride which they all loved doing. Unfortunately, I noticed how the parents bought into being controlled too. It was upsetting to witness that, and a couple parents quietly said to me "Wow, you were brave, I can't do that".

You can be a NICE person and out of being nice may run into an individual that lives by the trauma triangle. Often you may not see it right away either, after all, you want to be kind and helpful and agreeable. These rules do not apply to individuals that follow the trauma triangle way of navigating like your sister and my own sister chose/choses to live by. Often these individuals tend to "fill" spaces with themselves. And they typically put forth some kind of trauma/drama that they KNOW will attract others or they step in and take over too.

Azul, when you get triggered, the important thing to do is figure out how the trigger affects you personally. You don't have to own another person's bad behaviors. That is what I did in response to that trainer, and what was difficult about that was how others chose to allow him to own not only them, but their children too. It's unfortunate, but there will be times when you will witness that happen. This tends to happen a lot in humanity. It sure keeps therapists busy too. And if you sit and talk to therapists they will say how certain individuals do not respond to therapy because they simply cannot let go of how they are addicted to the way they use the trauma triangle. For the most part, human beings are emotional beings so they are more susceptible to experiencing this problem then they realize.

Here is the article I talked about that describes the trauma triangle

The 'Trauma Triangle' Explains 3 Classic Roles Trauma Survivors Fall Into

On a site like this where so many are interacting there most definitely will be "difficult people" . I have come across them myself. However, while they are present, I have also met some amazing people too. I have met individuals that left me with some "good fruit" even though they were themselves struggling in some way. These individuals never tried to own me either and instead I was able to interact with them in positive caring ways. These individuals have suffered the trauma triangle, but they don't care to use it on others. They tend to have more "depth" to them.

The article I posted is often used by individuals who use unhealthy methods to gain control over others, especially emotional control. Difficult individuals to them tends to be others that don't agree with their POV. Like the trainer that practiced unhealthy control over my daughter and others.

Okay this makes sense. (What you wrote in the post before this about my sister...I didn't want to copy it because it was long) SO MUCH SENSE. My sister had two abusive marriages ending in divorce but she stayed "friends" with them...while I had no contact with my ex and hate the notion of denial and I hated my sister's denial right up to the end. So yeah, I represented something to her...wanting freedom...genuine freedom to love. And if we don't get that even on our deathbed it is so tragic.

I know about this abuse triangle but I have kind of turned off to psychology. But this is worth revisiting so that I can get straight about my sister. Thanks for talking to me about this.

And if we don't clear things up it is the legacy we hand down. Like the week my sister died her second ex calls my niece (he would be her stepfather) and says he wants to visit my niece...after basically walking out on my sister. He literally went out for a pack of cigarettes...and she never saw him again.

So my niece calls me and is all excited and says, "Should I let him visit?" and I am thinking, "My God, she is just living out my sister's denial," so I tell her I am not going to touch the situation. She calls the guy and says yeah, come visit. What happens? The next day he has a heart attack and dies.

My niece's take? That he missed my sister and wanted to be with her.

I would have to be in therapy for years to unravel all this.

I think the best thing is for us to see the patterns. I don't have anyone like this in my life now...pulling strings. My reward: a pretty peaceful life.

PS Apologies to Azul for hijacking this thread.

I am not so sure we are hyjacking Azul's thread tbh. All we are doing is presenting our own examples that affected us. We have this in our history and because of that certain interactions can affect us based on that. Truth is, everyone has something toxic they experienced. So few of us are handed a map to navigate with either, we are pretty much reliant on a parent/caregiver figure and our piers and different teachers and some of them are not so great either.

DechanDawa, I am glad what I wrote makes sense to you, may even provide some much needed comfort for you too. Yes, one most definitely can literally spend years in therapy trying to unravel and make sense of how others affected them in ways that hurt and even crippled them. I believe you, I am sure you grieve about your sister and how she clung to negative things to her last breath even. Any caring person can experience cognitive disonence from that. Truth is, what most want is the "hurt feeling" to go away. And some victims of abuse try to do so by becoming abusers themselves.

Yes. The guy that had a heart attack - my sister's second husband - was a narcissist. I didn't know it then because I didn't know that sickness and how it manifested. But now I see he did the classic thing of turning my sister away from family...like...me. And she internalized a lot. So she became like a covert narcissist.

Okay, here's the thing. And I think this ties in with Azul's thread.

Some people do not want to grow. They fear growth and letting go of old patterns of behavior. They are afraid they will not know themselves. Probably they won't right?

But I would say the majority of people who come to this site - not all but most - are interested in growth. And that is so refreshing, so hopeful, and so beautiful.

But I don't see this played out in the world. And I think you will agree with me that family systems can be toxic and stuck and that is how it is with my family. For some reason my one brother and myself managed to escape and have been lifelong friends as well as siblings. But that leaves four (now three) stuck siblings behind.

I had a wise mentor once who always said to me, "Don't push the river." Meaning you can't change people if they don't want to change.

I still have a lot of pain around my sister. Toxic people leave behind a lot of bad memories.

Your sister "may" have suffered from borderline personality disorder. However, narcissists do often pair up with other narcissists as well.

I am sorry, often that can happen where some family members end up stuck and perpetuate the drama and unhealthy behavior patterns.

No, she wasn't borderline. I think she was a covert narcissist who married two overt narcissists. At the same time she would be...well she was a nurse so a professional caregiver. Okay yes I would say narcissist because she had an abundance of charisma and was a bigger than life sort. My parents were narcissistic and preferred their extrovert children. I always was and still am an introvert...and finally I no longer feel I am being judged for it. The brother I get along with is also an introvert. But I had a lifetime of attracting narcissists. Sadly they turned me on. I was addicted.Then. Not now.

I took an online course that kind of detoxed me of narcissistic abuse and ever since doing that course no narcissist has come into my life...so I guess it worked.

Thanks to both you and @DechawnDawa for sharing about your experiences. The trauma triangle theory is very intriguing and I have definitely seen that both in my own life and in people I've interacted with who've suffered trauma.

But of course anyone who interacts with a narcissist for any length of time comes away with PTSD. That's what I experienced until I broke the pattern. If I get too close to a narcissist now I feel...almost like....heat. Like from the drama. And I just recoil. I can't bear it. I think once the pattern is broken...one no longer has to be "nice" and accommodating to emotional vampires. In my last apartment I had a sign on my door...Drama Free Zone because I still knew a few of those vampires. Now...no signs on my door.

Running away with Azul's thread!