[Fuzzybear]

.... is far too controlling. And, apparently, this is for the sake of the common good. I would like to improve my skills regarding how to engage with this type of individual. or, how to remain under their radar so as not to incur their wrath and..

Projection.

What exactly is Projection?

(not about anyone on pc. I am “unfortunate” in that I seem to attract certain individuals into my life who I would prefer not to. I am sure there are some who would label me with all sorts of things which are not me because of this.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Have you ever experienced an encounter or engagement with an individual who is far too controlling... And, apparently, this is for the sake of the common good. [?]

The situation you describe reminds me of one of my favourite quotes.

My answer is "yes", multiple times.

Fuzzybear, are you somehow obliged to maintain this relationship?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Rohag

The situation you describe reminds me of one of my favourite quotes.

My answer is "yes", multiple times.

Fuzzybear, are you somehow obliged to maintain this relationship?

Hi Rohag,
Interesting quote. It reminds me, in part, of several people I used to know. One of them had a saying about “powdering someone’s butt” but I prefer not to speak of her here as I think she had good intentions. In fact I feel guilty and somewhat embarrassed even posting this although I do not think she will read it (not in the usual sense anyway since she has transitioned....)..Have you felt obliged to maintain relationships with individuals with those or similar characteristics? Have you also ever received kindness from any of these individuals or were they quick to judge you and what sometimes happens along with that.. I am guessing that you did not encounter an individual who had those tendencies as a “medical provider” In “real life” etc.. I hope not No need to reply (feel free to PM me with a reply also )

[IceCreamKid]

[QUOTE=Fuzzybear;6855464].... is far too controlling. And, apparently, this is for the sake of the common good. I would like to improve my skills regarding how to engage with this type of individual. or, how to remain under their radar so as not to incur their wrath and..

Projection.

What exactly is Projection?

(not about anyone on pc. I am “unfortunate” in that I seem to attract certain individuals into my life who I would prefer not to. I am sure there are some who would label me with all sorts of things which are not me because of this.[/QUOT

I've known several controlling people. I avoid them now whenever possible.

But more often I've encountered more people who used me -- acted like they were my friend in private and disrespected me behind my back or ignored me in front of other people in order to look cool or with the group of other people. I was good enough for when they wanted something or for when they needed some sort of support--but ignored in the presence of their real friends. That is what I have encountered more often: mealy-mouthed users.

[Open Eyes]

Controlling people tend to actually be very insecure.

[Fuzzybear]

I agree they are “insecure” ... who isn’t on some level having experienced trauma. Not everyone who is “insecure” is a “bad person”.. in fact I object more to what IceCreamKid described. People who use others. People who are abusive. People who don’t at least try to “own their stuff”... people like a relative who I will not speak of...

The controlling person I mentioned above did forgive people... I think maybe that is a key difference between ....also that person was able to apologize when she had hurt someone.... some people never do so (those relatives of mine for example.. yes more than one

[Fuzzybear]

[QUOTE=IceCreamKid;6855609]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

.... is far too controlling. And, apparently, this is for the sake of the common good. I would like to improve my skills regarding how to engage with this type of individual. or, how to remain under their radar so as not to incur their wrath and..

Projection.

What exactly is Projection?

(not about anyone on pc. I am “unfortunate” in that I seem to attract certain individuals into my life who I would prefer not to. I am sure there are some who would label me with all sorts of things which are not me because of this.[/QUOT

I've known several controlling people. I avoid them now whenever possible.

But more often I've encountered more people who used me -- acted like they were my friend in private and disrespected me behind my back or ignored me in front of other people in order to look cool or with the group of other people. I was good enough for when they wanted something or for when they needed some sort of support--but ignored in the presence of their real friends. That is what I have encountered more often: mealy-mouthed users.

That is not cool. I’m sorry they did that to such a wonderful person. I appreciate you my friend

[Rohag]

Your guess is correct -- some of the medical professionals I've seen were...substandard, but none were controlling.

Some of the controlling people in my life were "employers", one or two were acquaintances or even "friends", and a couple relatives. Time eroded or ended all those relationships. I find it difficult to assert myself in relationships. Consequently, I've become rather careful and hesitant.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Your guess is correct -- some of the medical professionals I've seen were...substandard, but none were controlling.

Some of the controlling people in my life were "employers", one or two were acquaintances or even "friends", and a couple relatives. Time eroded or ended all those relationships. I find it difficult to assert myself in relationships. Consequently, I've become rather careful and hesitant.

Hugs to you Rohag

[Fuzzybear]

This is one of those posts I wish I hadn’t made. I think what I said might be hurtful and that wasn’t my intention. I was thinking of making a completely different post and not this one..but I thought I might get into “difficulties”... the title would have been something like “the new (something) thread. Yeah fuzzy paws, your “snake” has tied herself into a knot. Take a nap bear.,

I still would be interested in peoples experiences re projection. That was my main question. People who project their “shortcomings” or worse onto us

[mote.of.soul]

Hey @Fuzzybear,

Yes, the controller and the projector. Two particularly troublesome characters I must say. I'm currently in the process of dealing with a controller, at least in a limited way...

But the kind of projecting I've experienced Fuzzy, time and time and time again, is where the person without so much as knowing the first thing about me, projects, not good qualities on to me, but very bad qualities. They believe in their warped minds that I am the way they believe me to be. They're wrong. And from then on in, it contaminates their whole interaction with me, and it's as plain as day. That kind of person, the projector, I cannot, will not, form a relationship with. They've poisoned any chances from the outset. How I deal with it Fuzzy, is to not engage them any further. It's as simple as that.

Now, on to the controller, whose ways really, in my perceptions of things, are basically saying to us through attempts at control, criticism, and constant negative instruction - "I do not accept the way you are as a person. I want you to be how I want you to be, not the way you already are." And you might be the nicest person in the world, too!! Again, for me, they have first driven a wedge into the attempt at relationship and also caused emotional distress - onto me. I don't want these kinds of interactions in my life, I'm tired of it, as I'm actually a pretty mellow nice guy. They can't see that, so it's doomed.

So, if I can't avoid these people all together, then I limit my interactions with them as much as poss because there's nothing there.

Unfortunately (((Fuzzy))) that's the only approach that resonates with me, my friend, but I do hope it can help you in some way, good Mama-bear.

[Open Eyes]

I just want to add to my last post Fuzzy, These controlling people are insecure, and they typically CHOOSE to gravitate towards other insecure people because they KNOW they can manipulate and control them. They are insecure PREDATORS, it's about power and control for them and they only pretend to care. They already KNOW that's what other insecure people want. They know your fears already, they can already see them because they have them too. The way they manage their own fears is by MANIPULATING and CONTROLLING others.

TRUTH is their enemy!! If they face the TRUTH it means they have to face their own realities. They WILL show you their true awful self if you stand up and say a truth they don't want to face. That's when these individuals typically engage in a smear campaign. That's when they turn the table and try to get others to see THEM as the victim. THEY CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH, instead they need to live in their delusional ways of dealing with their insecurities.

You need to be careful about these other support sites you interact in too Fuzzy, these type of individuals typically gravitate to places they can get the attention they want. Most of these kind of individuals gravitate to places they can have some kind of authoritative presence and be around individuals who need help, they are doctors, therapists, teachers, police, babysitters, in boy scout troops, politics, preists, social workers, any place they can get access to people they can prey upon. For example, look at what is finally coming out about Boy Scouts of America. SO MANY VICTIMS of individuals that played a part that people thought they could trust. They know how to prey on niave and innocent already.

[jesyka]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

.... is far too controlling. And, apparently, this is for the sake of the common good. I would like to improve my skills regarding how to engage with this type of individual. or, how to remain under their radar so as not to incur their wrath and..

Projection.

What exactly is Projection?

(not about anyone on pc. I am “unfortunate” in that I seem to attract certain individuals into my life who I would prefer not to. I am sure there are some who would label me with all sorts of things which are not me because of this.

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Easy, avoid, avoid, avoid as much as possible! Be vague, never ever tell them anything personal about you!

Talk to other people in groups. Never be alone with them. Make excuses. Go no contact ideally.

I think that projection is when people try to cause you to think that what they're feeling is what you're feeling too. Idk, it's best to google. that.

If they're mad at you, they'll say, why are you so upset when you never said that you're upset. They'll deny their own feelings and act like you're feeling what they're feeling. I might be wrong about that though.

It's best to google that or let someone else explain that who knows more than I do.