[rdgrad15]

Does anyone believe that it can be seen as intrusive to just assume someone needs help without asking first? I will admit, I do to an extent. If I am really struggling and it is obvious, then I don't mind. But if I am okay and I even say that I don't need help, then I think it can be somewhat intrusive to just help anyway. What is worse is how if I decline someone's request to help, someone may get mad that I didn't accept it. I was once a part of an organization and while cleaning up, a couple people asked if I needed help. I was practically done so I politely said no thanks. I knew them pretty well. Someone overheard that and flipped out on me for not accepting their help. The two people wound up helping but felt very awkward due to how they were acting. It was clearly out of obligation by that point. I wasn't trying to be rude, I just simply didn't need help. But the person who flipped out thought it was rude to decline help.

I've seen that happen to other people too. Some people just don't like it when people assume they need help. I know people who get annoyed when they claim to have things under control, but if you start helping anyway, they get mad. In a way, it may seem unnecessary to get mad but some people may find that intrusive. I knew one person who was in a wheelchair, and despite that, she was very independent. She was able to do lots of things on her own, she just simply couldn't walk. Well if someone just assumed she needed to be pushed or have something moved out of the way even though she was totally capable of doing it herself, she would get annoyed. I know people are just trying to be helpful but sometimes help is just not wanted. Do you think it can come off as intrusive? There are plenty of other examples like this, where someone just assumes someone else needs help which results in the person who is being helped getting annoyed.

[MsLady]

I was once a part of an organization and while cleaning up, a couple people asked if I needed help. I was practically done so I politely said no thanks. I knew them pretty well. Someone overheard that and flipped out on me for not accepting their help.

I think in this situation, it was about sharing the responsibilities rather than not needing the help. When we work as a team, we need to consider others and include them in the process so they are being used as an equal within the team. So, I agree, it would have been rude to say no thanks, if this couple were looking to be of use within this organization.

When it's more about personal boundaries, yes, "help" isn't always warranted. Sometimes that help is mistaken for someone's "impatience" or a self-serving need to look "good" in the eyes of an audience. I'm sure I could add many reasons to this list.

It's about balance. Knowing when it's appropriate to receive the help (without taking it as a personal hit) and when to set a healthy boundary.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by MsLady

I think in this situation, it was about sharing the responsibilities rather than not needing the help. When we work as a team, we need to consider others and include them in the process so they are being used as an equal within the team. So, I agree, it would have been rude to say no thanks, if this couple were looking to be of use within this organization.

When it's more about personal boundaries, yes, "help" isn't always warranted. Sometimes that help is mistaken for someone's "impatience" or a self-serving need to look "good" in the eyes of an audience. I'm sure I could add many reasons to this list.

It's about balance. Knowing when it's appropriate to receive the help (without taking it as a personal hit) and when to set a healthy boundary.

In this case, it wasn't work related or anything professional. It was more of a social thing and the two people who asked weren't even feeling well too. There was no need to have them help if it wasn't needed especially since everything was pretty much cleaned up. And yeah I agree when it comes to personal boundaries, help isn't always warranted. I've seen people and even know some who pretend to be helpful but in reality, they are boosting their own ego and making themselves look better to gain attention.

[RoxanneToto]

In the case of the couple, if you were nearly done then I don’t think you were rude to say no thanks. The other person who flipped out overreacted.
In general I do agree that it’s intrusive to help if it’s not needed or wanted - it’s best to offer then accept the other person’s acceptance or declination. Could it be considered entitled behaviour if someone forced their unwanted help onto another?

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

In the case of the couple, if you were nearly done then I don’t think you were rude to say no thanks. The other person who flipped out overreacted.
In general I do agree that it’s intrusive to help if it’s not needed or wanted - it’s best to offer then accept the other person’s acceptance or declination. Could it be considered entitled behaviour if someone forced their unwanted help onto another?

Yep I totally agree. And I do think it could be entitled behavior in a way. Because it sends a message to the recipient of the unwanted help that they don't think someone can do something on their own even if they clearly can. It is basically treating someone like a baby. I've had some people do that to me. And it didn't feel like genuine help. It felt like the person was trying to make herself look better since she was a known attention seeker. Always looking for validation. She would actually start trembling if she wasn't getting attention, that's how bad she was. And other people who have done it just assume that I can't do something and even talk to me like I'm stupid. My coworkers do that. Super annoying.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

In this case, it wasn't work related or anything professional. It was more of a social thing and the two people who asked weren't even feeling well too. There was no need to have them help if it wasn't needed especially since everything was pretty much cleaned up. And yeah I agree when it comes to personal boundaries, help isn't always warranted. I've seen people and even know some who pretend to be helpful but in reality, they are boosting their own ego and making themselves look better to gain attention.

In that case I would have added to my "no thank you" that I was almost finished anyway & was just wrapping it up.

Yes, I have had offers to help unload my truck when I bring home my 50lb bags of feed for my horse. Seriously, I unload it when it is convenient for me.....I don't want to call for help & wait.

However I do know my limits & I definitely need help with the 80lb bales of hay. When they were smaller (50lb) I could unload & stack them myself. Also after oral surgery it was nice to have the help so I could just sleep & recover.

I have helped many people but I always ask if I can help first but most of the time I have a sense they could use help before I ask.

However when I have been the first person at an accident I don't ask I just get the needed help called & handle what is needed.

Different situations regarding need for help should be assessed individually

[lizardlady]

I believe we should always ask before offering help. Also believe it is okay to say "no thank you". Doing something without asking first sends the message the other person is incapable of doing for themself. It's rude.

Doing something without asking first can also harm the other person. I have a friend with physical limitations that cause her to fall. When people see her fall they jump in and try to lift her to her feet. She gets angry about it. People have hurt her trying to "help." She's the one who taught me to always ask first.

As for the person who blew up when the OP declined an offer of help. She was wrong, overreacted and should have minded her own business

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by eskielover

In that case I would have added to my "no thank you" that I was almost finished anyway & was just wrapping it up.

Yes, I have had offers to help unload my truck when I bring home my 50lb bags of feed for my horse. Seriously, I unload it when it is convenient for me.....I don't want to call for help & wait.

However I do know my limits & I definitely need help with the 80lb bales of hay. When they were smaller (50lb) I could unload & stack them myself. Also after oral surgery it was nice to have the help so I could just sleep & recover.

I have helped many people but I always ask if I can help first but most of the time I have a sense they could use help before I ask.

However when I have been the first person at an accident I don't ask I just get the needed help called & handle what is needed.

Different situations regarding need for help should be assessed individually

Yep I totally agree with you.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by lizardlady

I believe we should always ask before offering help. Also believe it is okay to say "no thank you". Doing something without asking first sends the message the other person is incapable of doing for themself. It's rude.

Doing something without asking first can also harm the other person. I have a friend with physical limitations that cause her to fall. When people see her fall they jump in and try to lift her to her feet. She gets angry about it. People have hurt her trying to "help." She's the one who taught me to always ask first.

As for the person who blew up when the OP declined an offer of help. She was wrong, overreacted and should have minded her own business

Yep I totally agree. Helping without asking first can send the wrong message or even scare someone. The person I knew who was in a wheelchair hated being pushed without being asked first and hated it when other people assumed she couldn’t move stuff out of the way on her way. I totally understood. And yeah, the person who flipped out on me overreacted and should have minded her own business.

[Fuzzybear]

I think that people who regularly make assumptions about others can be very intrusive.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I think that people who regularly make assumptions about others can be very intrusive.

Yeah it can be. I’ve had people make wild assumptions about me.

[Prycejosh1987]

You should always be honest, but you have to look at something in the other persons view.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Prycejosh1987

You should always be honest, but you have to look at something in the other persons view.

Yep I agree.