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#576
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__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#577
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Even though I was going to divorce him anyways, this morning (after he left sobbing), my only response to him by text was this:
"I hope your little affair was worth losing me over, and worth breaking up and losing our entire marriage. Don't defend yourself any further." And now he's begging for another chance. This was predictable.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#578
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He's begging and pleading now. I am remaining strong and steadfast. He cannot talk me out of this. NOT this time. The damage is FAR too great. Trust is completely ruined.
At least I have ONE concrete thing he CANNOT talk me out of: infidelity.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#579
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I also did the unthinkable the other day, while in my red flaring RAGE towards him.
I texted his mother and informed her of his abuse towards me. I told her that she should know her son is in fact, abusive. And I listed out for her how exactly he's treated me: yelling, screaming, berating, controlling, mean, and insulting. I also told her of his infidelity, and that I am divorcing him. I texted his sister in law too, and said the same exact things to her. Neither one replied, naturally. I am a truth teller. I know that this was foolish of me, but I do foolish things in the heat of the moment.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#580
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It is really sad @HaveHope I feel your pain! It's not your fault you got seduced by this fantasy. I bet he was incredibly convincing. It's hard to know the difference between being seduced and captivated, or being won over. You could still be won over by someone and build your dreams together.
Your EX ABUSER was never going to make your dreams come true, just use you to make his come true. It's sad you had to learn that the hard way, but DO NOT let him take your dreams from you! Big hugs ![]() ![]() ![]() |
#581
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If they're asking him questions that slow down his progress, that could be good. Do prioritize your safety though please! ![]() |
![]() Have Hope
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#582
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Keep fighting for your peace and hapiness! |
![]() Have Hope
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#583
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![]() You are a strong awesome person! |
![]() Have Hope
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#584
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Well they may not respond but they know you are right. It’s not his first rodeo. He said he was kissing some woman while married to his ex. Of course it was her fault. And all the other things
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![]() Have Hope
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#585
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I'm sorry I don't follow, I haven't read every message posted here, so could you bring me up to speed about that cheating? I may have some good point regarding... I know about texting that girl from work. What about the rest?
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#586
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![]() I hope they DO question it now. This is why I wanted to let the cat out of the bag, and let the truth be known.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
![]() KBMK
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#587
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Quote:
![]() ![]()
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#588
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Yes, the hair thing has ALWAYS been a point of contention for me. And thanks SO much.... honestly, I wouldn't be making it through this without all your and everyone's support here!!! ![]() ![]() ![]()
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
![]() KBMK
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![]() guy1111
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#589
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EXACTLY. I hope they at least WONDER about it.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#590
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@MisterPaul, I've been cheated on by several different partners in the past. My husband knew of this, we had at least 100 conversations about infidelity, he promised me repeatedly that he would never do ANYTHING to hurt me in that way, and he repeatedly promised he would never betray me. Then he did. He lied to me all this time. And my gut all this time told me he could cheat on me because I had caught him in multiples lies about other things. So I didn't trust him in general. My gut instinct was correct, it turns out.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#591
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Point being is that most of narc are very flirty on daily basis. It's all about attention and who in the world can boost his self-esteem better than a woman? No one. I'm not saying that he did nothing wrong. I'm saying that this situation may be an outcome of an another narcisstic pattern. Just a thought. |
#592
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But yes, I am aware of this about narcs needing female attn. I picked up on this in him long ago, and that's also what raised my suspicions that he could cheat on me eventually.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#593
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I’d consider this type of texting cheating. Not every texts between opposite gender is cheating of course. But this kind I’d consider unacceptable and unfaithful and that would be the end for me. Cheating is not just sleeping with someone
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![]() Have Hope
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#594
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It most certainly IS cheating.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
![]() divine1966
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#595
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If I was texting a man while in bed with my husband that I am thinking of him and hope to see him in my dreams I am sure my husband would consider it cheating.
I understand other people have more flexible understanding of cheating or even willing to tolerate that but most people would not be ok with this at all. |
![]() Have Hope
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#596
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If they slept with each other it'd be worse. It may be a sloppy advice but sometimes I like to think that picturing a worse case scenario can help with the healing.
As much as I respect your opinions and perspectives, I still believe that this situation was rather "it was close" than cheating. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this to start an argument. I'm just looking for some aspects of the situation that could be helpful to you, HH. |
![]() Have Hope
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#597
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I am trying not to think about it too much anymore and I am trying to just focus on my recovery and getting him out of the house so I can move on and be happier. If I focus too much on the actual details, it hurts too much for me. Even if it wasn't physical, it was still an infidelity, a lie and a betrayal, which still hurts.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#598
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A girlfriend invited me up to her place out of state, an hour away for the night Friday night. I can stay in a guest bedroom. It would mean leaving him alone in the apartment for the entire night. He COULD end up inviting HER or some other female over while I am gone, for all I know. He could sleep with someone else right away OR go to HER place that night so he can sleep with HER.
I am playing out this scenario in my mind and I don't know if I should leave. I know that what he does from now on is none of my actual business, but emotionally it HURTS deeply to think he would do something like that. I told him IF I go away for the night, that he CANNOT invite ANY female over to OUR apartment.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#599
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Well you can’t control what he does. If he doesn’t invite someone over he can still go to someone’s house while you are at home too. He could say he is going to a hotel or friends house or work on the weekend and in reality that’s not what he’ll be doing.
It doesn’t mean you can’t ever leave. There are women who watch their husband like a hawk afraid he’ll cheat their whole life. But if he is the type to cheat, he’ll cheat. You can’t watch him all day. He’d cheat on a lunch break. Go to your girlfriends house. That’s great she invited you. That’s the best |
![]() Have Hope
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#600
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Yes, it's awesome she invited me. I told her the truth about his abuse AND the infidelity. She is on my side. She's a part of our mutual friends group. In fact, I've now reached out to multiple people privately and individually to tell them the full truth. I want to keep these friends, and I want them on my side. He may spout off lies to them about me, but I am being preemptive and proactive about it now.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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