Need support through leaving my abusive husband, please

He may not do anything until it is a court order & even then he may not but at least then you can hold him in contempt of court. Messy, yes but sometimes it becomes the only way when they are jerks

Eskie is right. And I can’t believe he claims there is no way to get your name off. What a liar. There are plenty of ways to do that.

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Originally Posted by divine1966 Eskie is right. And I can’t believe he claims there is no way to get your name off. What a liar. There are plenty of ways to do that.

There is no way to get her name off without refinancing it in his name only & maybe he can't qualify alone. Also he may be being a jerk & want to refuse to sell it or turn it in.

My now ex was a jerk when I first tried to file
for divorce when I lived with him in Calif.....everything was "I'm not doing this or not doing that" I gave up & just left him but he did screw me on the house but he screwed himself even more cause he ended up with nothing & I have my beautiful farm thanks to inheritance I wouldn't let him touch.

I know he can’t just take name off but there are other ways to do it like Honda already explained. He might not qualify for good loan but there are lenders who work with people after bankruptcy, he can buy used car, he can ask his brother or friends to co sign. How do other people live? I was single most of my adult life and I survived very well and never even had anyone co-sign anything or share a lease on anything. You drive junk cars until you can afford to finance something nice. And it’s not hopes problem

He's just being a stubborn a-s-s. He doesn't want to lift a finger to help me out. Maybe this will come down to a court order.

I honestly cannot deal with this anymore. He's being such an asshole about it.

I can’t believe he wants you to keep him on a lease after the divorce. That’s unheard of. People do it sometimes if there are young kids to be driven around to help with that but what’s on the planet! He shouldn’t even dream of using EX wife as a co-signer

He wants what he wants. He cares only about himself.

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Originally Posted by divine1966 I know he can’t just take name off but there are other ways to do it like Honda already explained. He might not qualify for good loan but there are lenders who work with people after bankruptcy, he can buy used car, he can ask his brother or friends to co sign. How do other people live? I was single most of my adult life and I survived very well and never even had anyone co-sign anything or share a lease on anything. You drive junk cars until you can afford to finance something nice. And it’s not hopes problem

If he is not willing to do it on his own then the court will have to force him. My now ex was not willing to give up anything we had. Turned out, he lost it all after I was gone & in another state. Some people are so foolish they have to be forced into situations they don't want to be in given their own choosing. That is just how some people are & we end up having to deal with them legally whether we like it or not

Some people are just asinine. My husband’s ex caused so much trouble. The last stint was to use our address to get auto insurance quotes from different insurance companies when she was technically homeless or living in slums. It was years after their divorce and she knew we were married. She certainly never lived here neither in our place lol or in our area but more so she always lived two-three hours away. She just wanted to use our address because we live in affluent suburbs and insurance is way less than in a bad area. My husband had panic attack when we found out

Don’t mean to hijack but some people are just unbelievable. They don’t want to give up meal ticket so they cause problems to their exes.

He is still arguing with me over leaving him. He's going to be a pain in the *** to divorce. He trying to now blame me for hating him, for not wanting anything to do with him, for my anger at him, for not trusting him, and for not trying. Of course I am to blame. Now it's all my fault. Of course.

Not trying? Man acted like a jerk on his wedding day and you still tried to make it work for nearly two years. Please.

I know - I'm not absorbing his blame. He can blame me all he wants - I am still divorcing him.

Yup. No one cares who is to blame. You don’t want to be married to him. Good enough reason. He thinks of blames you, you’ll change your mind? Makes no sense

Or if he guilts me enough back into it.

Is there a chance?

No way - my mind is made up.

He also claims I can trust him. He’s deluded.

It’s almost funny actually

I wish it were funny, but I know what you mean. It's SO absurd.

I love how he is able to twist anything around to be MY fault.

And I love how he's now trying to guilt me into being with him. It doesn't work this way. By approaching me and saying all I have for him is hatred - well, yes this is true, but then to claim that I am blinded by my hatred and that I won't even look at HIS perspective on what happened - well, that's just more BS. He is still leaning on the police as an excuse and justification for his infidelity - even though just last week he had told me that no matter how hurt he was over that, that he never should have stepped out of line with another woman and hurt me in the way that he did. So, now his claim is that I won't even consider HIS perspective - that it's my way or the highway. Well, yes, it is because I am divorcing him and he must accept this reality.

I am thoroughly disgusted by all his manipulation tactics and attempts - just disgusted. I don't even know why I respond to these types of texts from him, simply to argue the points with him and when I just can't win no matter what I say. He has to win. It's SO pointless and it's exhausting and draining - not to mention, exasperating.

I want to send this text to him, but I also want him to follow through on his claim that he will go to Honda today to the finance office to discuss the options for the car lease - I'm going to hold off on sending this for now:

I have spelled out on numerous occasions why I am divorcing you. Now you're trying to claim that I am too blinded by hatred to listen to or appreciate your perspective on things, to get help and to want to salvage our marriage.

You're trying to manipulate me, when the real truth is that you blew it. I've told you several times that you were given a second chance in July - I was about to divorce you then, but I gave you another chance. And then you did what you did with Jamie, and like I've stated many times, it was the final straw. It wasn't JUST a rough patch like you claim - you stepped out of line, you were dishonest with me and dishonorable, and you blew it with me. You continue to refuse to fully accept responsibility for all that you've done that has damaged both ME and our marriage, and you continue to use the police as a justification and an excuse for your behavior with Jamie.

I have told you that I don't trust you anymore, and that my feelings towards you have changed. I am not in love with you anymore, you do not make me happy, and I would never be able to trust you ever again. No amount of couples therapy would get me to change how I feel or what I want, and I want a divorce.

And the car lease?

It is on his shoulders to either refinance the car in his name or to trade it in. So far, he has refused both. I pray he does go to Honda today to discuss the options.

What do I do otherwise? Seize the car from him and sell it? Or, once my own car lease ends next August, I could take the car from him then and possibly trade it in myself.

I am totally at a loss with this.

You need to follow up with your lawyer in regards to what to do with a car and follow legal advice. This divorce might go to court if he refuses to deal with a car. When are you filing?

I’d not send any texts to him except business. It just invites more drama. You want to divorce and that’s all that matters

We have to work out the terms of the car lease within the divorce agreement before we can file for divorce. And the sticking point is the car lease.

I just spoke with my parents about the f'in car lease. I may just give up entirely, stay on the lease with the indemnity clause that says I can sue him if he stops payments on the car and if he refuses to pay for any damage to the car. The whole thing is a nightmare for me to deal with, and I honestly cannot deal with the fight anymore. I give up. He gets what he wants.

And now he's being passive aggressive with me. He won't respond to my text asking him if he is going to Honda today and asking him what time he plans on coming to the apartment tomorrow. Now he's giving me the cold shoulder? That was over 2 1/2 hours ago, and usually he responds right away.

I really cannot deal with this or with him anymore. I want to rip him to shreds. It would be dangerous if I saw him right now or at any point soon. I am about to blow my lid on him and totally kick his a-s-s.