[Lunatyc]

I have heard that people with borderline pd are dangerous people to be in a relationship with. I think that's why I left an old flame in a blind panic when I was 24 years old. Is it possible I suffered from complex-ptsd after leaving him? To say he put me through the mill is an understatement. I was a nervous wreck when I left him.
I have described the traits, he showed, in my posts in the creative section, I won't list them again.
I don't want to open up a can of worms. I know that some who have this, direct their pain and anger inwards, but men more than women, often direct it outwards and that's why they don't get a diagnosis. And women are more likely to talk and seek help.
I found him too intense, too possessive, controlling and I refused to play his mind games.
-It is your fault I have the life of a dog. I wish I had left you, I have the life of a dog now. It is you who gives me, the life of a dog. Then, it was, please don't leave, you may as well put a noose around my neck. Someone like you will never meet a man like me. You are lucky a man like me stuck by you-

[Yaowen]

Dear Lunatyc,

My heart goes out to you. I was in a relationship with a troubled person and I can testify that the ordeal does not necessarily end when the relationship ends. Wish I knew what to say to help ease the pain you feel!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[Lunatyc]

Thanks YaoWen. He made me feel like something was awry with me when it was the other way around. I have read that is what they do. I hated admitting I was a victim when it ended. I was revolving my whole life around him, thinking I owed him, because he stuck with me through a harrowing time. I had nothing left to give, and he still made me feel like I was worthless. But my family just saw this blue eyed gentleman who visited me when I was in rehab as a teen. If he visited me in rehab, he must be a keeper they thought. If only.
YaoWen, he almost left me homeless too when it ended. I had to quit my job because I no longer had a car. The one my parent's helped me buy when it ended was on it's last leg's. I had no money or possessions to speak of even though I worked hard. He took all he could and left me an emotional wreck, thinking I had not given enough. When in truth, I had been neglecting my own need's by putting his first because I was frightened of him and what he would do.

I'm sorry you went through that.


I don't think it's helpful to judge an entire group of people (their relationship ability / whether or not they are abusive) based on their diagnosis.


But I hope you can find a way to heal without him in your life.

[Lunatyc]

Sorry it wasn't my intention to tar every person with borderline pd with the same brush. But if you were to ask professionals i.e. psychiatrists and psychologists about why women are diagnosed with borderline more frequently than men, they will tell you that it is because men with borderline are more likely to be in prison than compliant in treatment.

[Open Eyes]

@Lunatyc, how do you even know this individual has borderline personality disorder? Could it be NPD instead?

[divine1966]

Was he actually officially diagnosed or just exhibited some behaviors? There are ton of nasty people out there and they don’t have a diagnosis. Sometimes jerks are just jerks and it’s better to focus on behaviors rather than diagnosis. We don’t know if you have PTSD and we cannot and should not diagnose on here but you’d benefit from seeing a professional. Sometimes people on PC still like to play armchair doctors and diagnose on here but it’s against the guidelines of this forum

Are you seeing a therapist?

[Lunatyc]

I will flatly say, No. He was most likely just a narcissistic tw###. The comparable traits are uncanny. Borderline of borderline.

[MickeyCheeky]

i am So Sorry for what You've Been through! i Don't really know what his diagnosis may be, but he certainly didn't treat You the way You deserved, that is Kindness And Respect, that's for sure! Please try to not give too much focus to that person. It is Over Now. i also Agree with seeing a therapist if You feel like it is necessary. SEnding Many Safe, Warm Hugs to BOTH You, @Lunatyc, Your Family, Your FriEnds And ALL Of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Open Eyes]

Sounds like you learned a hard lesson about what can happen when you build your life around another person. It leaves you vulnerable to not developing your own identity. As giving up your own identity to another person is unhealthy and often results in having poor boundaries.

Often the hurt to your identity leaves you more susceptible to getting involved with another problem person that love bombs you only to pull you into yet another unhealthy relationship.

It’s important to examine your own part that resulted in your being hurt. What I just said isn’t about victim blaming either. Just because someone else shows what feels like kindness doesn’t mean they are a person you can trust or that you owe them.

The same is true that if you choose to give of yourself to another it doesn’t mean that other person owes you. When you develop these beliefs you set yourself up for disappointments and hurts.

[Lunatyc]

It was not a boundary issue. I had been in rehab at a young age. I lost friends and found it impossible to attain a real purpose in my home town. It was the stigma of being in hospital that left me a shadow of my former self. I set hard and clear boundaries. I wanted to leave. I tried to leave.

[Lunatyc]

I have a vague premonition that a therapist will probably say I am doing perfectly well on my own. There are people who need therapy spots more than me. So I think when I have my appointment at B of D, I will say that I am planning to find a private therapist and I will join group therapy like my psychiatrist advised.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by Lunatyc

It was not a boundary issue. I had been in rehab at a young age. I lost friends and found it impossible to attain a real purpose in my home town. It was the stigma of being in hospital that left me a shadow of my former self. I set hard and clear boundaries. I wanted to leave. I tried to leave.

When someone treats you badly and says mean things to you like you described Lunatyc the person is intentionally invading your personal boundaries.

Often it's reflecting something about the other person where it's how they behave when they FEEL they can't handle something.

What was the hospital about? What was the rehab? Was it for drug addiction?

[Lunatyc]

I have never dabbled in drugs, never mind been an addict.

[Lunatyc]

I was in rehab after a suicide attempt. Believe me, I put my foot down. I left because I refused to be someone else's emotional punch bag. He stopped saying he had the life of a dog, when I told him that he did not respect women and that I was going to turn my art into a career. I did not participate in his games. When you are young and in love you know it is not supposed to be the way it is. But my parent's had a very hostile, acrimonious divorce and used me as a pawn to get back at one another. It took twenty years before one of them agreed to pay for the divorce. My mum and step dad and most of my family were drinkers. I was the normal one! I spent every night after school in the gym at one point - teaching and training. I was in rehab because of stress and depression because of what had happened in my life. That was the doctors conclusion. I was doing too much. Working, studying and doing my sport. I wanted to be away from the drinking culture and make something of my life. I was trying to keep all the balls in the air. I was a semi- professional athlete who was supposed to have been going to university or art school. I have never taken drugs.

[Lunatyc]

There are many crossovers and overlaps between Borderlinepd and Npd. It is merely coincidence. He was going to be the same with whoever his first serious relationship was with. He let me go because he couldn't break down my resolve and barriers in the end. He resorted to calling me a d###. So what if I am gay? What can you do about it?

[Open Eyes]

Ok, eeeeasy because I am not trying to attack you, just trying to understand you better ok? I am sorry you experienced a home environment where individuals had alcohol addiction challenges. It's understandable why you want to distance from that type of individual, "me too". When there are alcohol or drug addiction challenges the addicts have very narcissistic behavior patterns because of how the drinking or addiction becomes their priority. It's the nature of the disease itself and how it affects the brain. This makes it so unhealthy for someone to grow up around. It's no wonder you grew severely depressed to the point where you needed help. I am VERY SORRY about that, you certainly did not deserve to experience that, no one does.

[Lunatyc]

I had a nurse on discharge from rehab who was really lovely and said that alcohol gets a hold of people really quickly. It's not like heroin obviously, but it's easier than you think to go from weekends and social drinking to every night and then a full on dependency. A lot of people think alcohol is a drug like other drugs. I'm not one of them. I can enjoy a craft beer on a night with a friend every once in a while. The minimum pricing per unit was probably a good step come to think of it.

[Open Eyes]

I think that it helps to understand how alcohol affects the brain. Some people are more vulnerable to developing a problem than others.

I can remember when my father drank on weekends, he would get pretty drunk and my parents pretty much always fought when they went out because my father got to drinking and tended to ignore my mother. Yet, my father was a weekend drinker and often by Monday morning he would be very negative and moody. I now know that the reason for that was "withdrawl". I remember my mother saying how after the weekend my father was always moody in a bad way for a day or two. She hated how he was like that.

We are now learning more about how alcohol affects the brain, more than so many years ago when I was seeing the affects of it. Now we have learned what it does to the brain and the rest of the body. I personally would only drink until I felt tipsy and then I always switched over to tea or soda. I never saw the attraction for drinking until looking down right stupid and sloppy or basically incoherent.

People get addicted to the dopamine high and they don't realize how drinking too often begins to take more to get that dopamine high. People do not realize how the alcohol is affecting their brain in other ways that can damage how they function. These individuals start thinking that because they can consume more they are somehow stronger or better when that's simply not the case, it typically means they have developed more tolerance and they begin to drink more causing more damage.

[mountainstream]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

When someone treats you badly and says mean things to you like you described Lunatyc the person is intentionally invading your personal boundaries.

Often it's reflecting something about the other person where it's how they behave when they FEEL they can't handle something.

Agreed.....

[Lunatyc]

Mean thing's doesn't do it justice. He was down right disrespectful, machiavellian and abusive. I would never have put up with it, if it was not for the disarming powerful stigma I underwent from being in rehab as a teen. Still, I couldn't ignore him and I did fight back and stand up for myself. That's why we argued. I never looked at name calling as invading boundaries before.

[Open Eyes]

Mean thing's doesn't do it justice. He was down right disrespectful, machiavellian and abusive

People who are mean, disrespectful, and abusive do not have the ability to truely emotionally connect and respect others. They tend to carry anger and resentment that developed in their early childhood. They tend to have an emptyness inside them that they can't seem to fill. These individuals are typically mentally frozen or stuck due to some lack of nurturing that kept them from being able to have a more positive sense of self. However, sometimes that area of the brain is lacking in developement too. In other words it's similar to how someone is genetically short or tall or has a big nose or certain color hair. Or someone inherits ADHD or Dyslexia or is born on the autism spectrum.

Truth is, human beings have been studying and trying to understand the reasons for different human behaviors for a very long time. We want to understand ourselves and our human history and there are individuals who dedicate their entire lives to learning and understanding human nature. And as we dig into human history we learn that human beings can be very violent and cruel and intrusive and controlling and destructive and preditory.

I would never have put up with it, if it was not for the disarming powerful stigma I underwent from being in rehab as a teen.

This is true and the reason for this is because you were experiencing an environment that disabled you from gaining a strong sense of self. And then when you experienced your teenage years you were also experiencing hormonal changes and that too can be a challenge as you were no longer a child and not yet an adult. And this is a challenging age where a teen can become so lost the teen can experience a desire to not exist. And some teens choose to run away even though they do not quite know how to survive on their own. Actually, suicide is an attempt to run from or escape. It's VERY IMPORTANT to understand when you reflect on that carefully that it doesn't mean you are a failure. Also, the stigma that you are talking about should not be given the power you are giving it. Stigmas are created do to fear and lack of understanding.

YES!! you would not have put up with that treatment you received had you been able to have more time to develop more self understanding and knowledge.

Still, I couldn't ignore him and I did fight back and stand up for myself.

You were deciding to engage "fight" which means you decided to survive and self protect more.

That's why we argued. I never looked at name calling as invading boundaries before

It's a way of trying to attack another person's self esteem in order to gain control over. It's also something a person uses to compensate for their lack of ability to handle problems in a more mature and healthier way. It's the other individual's form of self protection to their own ego.

People who behave like this are showing you WHAT THEY CANNOT DO. Believe them!! because if you don't you will end up fighting that same battle with yet another person that has the same problem.

[Open Eyes]

Can I ask how old you are Lynatyc?

[Lunatyc]

The only thing he was truly
Right about was that
I had terrible friends
When I met him.
My parents not far behind.
He knew I had
Nothing to fall back on,
And at the same time
He knew I was used
To picking myself up again
And dusting myself off.
It was second nature to me.
I did not depend on him.
I chose to move in with him.
I'll give him credit
Where it was due.
He realised how frustrating
It was for me to
Be stuck in a dead end job.
He was not
Fully conscious of
How hard hitting his
Moods and jokes were.
After work every day.
He would simmer down.
It was predictable,
And I learned how to cope with the routine.
I highlight all the bad times.
But I would not
Have stayed if I
Did not think there
Was a possibility
He would soften up or change.
I know I'm not an angel.
But I went off the
Rails as a teenager.
I can't be judged,
On one small snippet of my life.
I rebelled for a reason.

[Open Eyes]

Lunatyk, how long has it been since you walked away from this individual? How long where you in a relationship with this individual?