When you feel guilty or regret it after venting or opening up to someone

Does anyone start feeling guilty or have a sense of regret after venting or telling someone about something that is upsetting you? Even if the reason was justified, you may start wishing you never vented or opened up at all. I tend to experience this anytime I open up to anyone in real life. It is also why I don't get emotional in front of others, since I start feeling guilty and regret my actions and even wonder what they think after it is all over.

If I ever get really annoyed or start feeling upset and I start talking about it with someone else, I always wish I didn't say anything later on. Not sure why, since when I do vent or open up about something, it is for a legitimate reason. Although I never get mad and yell, I don't make myself look like a fool especially in public. I just may walk away feeling that I said too much and worry that they may be thinking differently of me.

The rare times I may not feel guilty is when it is with a close friend, other than that, I always feel guilty even when there is a legitimate reason for it. I know there is nothing wrong with opening up or venting, but sometimes I wish I kept quiet after opening up about something. In a way, it causes a sense of embarrassment too. Another reason I don't open up much, even with close friends at times, is because there is really not much they can do.

If I feel like I need open up about something., I may intend to tell someone but then when it comes time to tell them, I'll think that it is pointless since there is nothing they can do about it and I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable or distance themselves. Another thing I may do is wait awhile before venting or opening up so the feelings aren't as raw. Do you have trouble opening up due to feelings of regret afterwards? Just wondered what you all thought.

This has happened to me and I assume most people have experienced this (some more than others). When I do feel this way, I think I am currently doing a better job analyzing why I feel this way. Was it because I am defensive or hurt about the feedback? Was it because they can't handle stress because of their own fragile state so, for their sake, they shouldn't be told? I credit my faith with helping me be less defensive and more compassionate about how my words are effecting others. I credit my MH medications with helping me be less impulsive (ie--I am doing a better job of thinking before I speak and am able to keep more of my thoughts completely to myself). I still have days where I can be too talkative but I am not as talkative as I used to be. . Also, I think some people are just better "sounding boards" than others--it is a talent they have but I now try to be more careful about taking advantage of this talent of theirs.

I agree. Sometimes when we analyze how we dealt with something, we may realize that it wasn't necessary to vent or open up, or we may realize that we opened up to the wrong person who just may not be able to handle it. Not saying the person is bad, just saying that some people have a harder time being a sounding board and hearing someone else open up can make them uncomfortable. I've known people like that. They weren't bad people, they just weren't the kinds of people I'd open up to due to them not being able to handle it due to their own problems.

i agree with both of you wise and wonderful posters. Some people may not be able to handle certain information too well so it may simply be best to stay careful with oversharing. i don't think it is something that makes you guilty though. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @rdgrad15 and @TunedOut, your Families, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Hugs to you too @MickeyCheeky! My previous post was more about recognizing that sometimes talk too much/give too much information (TMI) which makes a person hard to listen to. I suppose this type of thing comes under things l want to improve about myself. So you are right , I don't feel guilty about that--a lot of it may have been because of some mental health issues that I needed to get into check with medications.

I don't get angry very much but when I occasionally have, either I said things I regretted/felt guilty about or finally told them something I should have told them a long time ago (but wish I had been able to deliver the message in a calm cool and collected manner ). If I was not patient because of my own anxiety)---then I do feel bad about it.

Yep I agree.

Yeah I agree. Sometimes we may talk too much as well and people are left feeling a bit uncomfortable due to not knowing what to say and, depending on the closeness of the relationship, may generally just not want to hear it.

Yep,I do feel guilty sometimes.I did have a tendency to overshare.Used to talk much and can go on tangents about different things. I realised the listener can be distressed or much annoyed as that can be too much to process for them.I am all about changing myself to a better version of myself.I strive everyday to improvise. I am working on that.These days I do not share much with anybody.Sometimes there is an intense need within to share.I give myself suggestions "please,Jane stop.""Please,Jane don't. "I tell myself this repeatedly (not loud,but in my mind).
Sharing is good,but we should be careful with whom to share,because the wrong kind of person can use it against you later.I think that is why the guilt comes to mind.We later wish we didn't share that secret .Fear based guilt.Just sharing my opinion.

Yep I totally agree. I have overshared in the past too, although I am much more careful now. And I agree, sharing it to the wrong person can hurt you. I never thought that fear based guilt can contribute to those feelings but it makes sense. You may share something, even with a close friend, and then wish you hadn’t since now they can use that against you if the friendship turned sour or they weren’t a good friend in the first place.

I guess the word I would pick might be regret and perhaps dissappointment too. Mostly when I invest time in sitting with someone who is having so many challenges and are at a loss in some way and it's not really appreciated the way I thought it would be. And what I mean by that is when I take time and the other person consumes and if I don't stay on THEIR track there is some kind of emotional punishment. One of the things that never ceased to amaze me in my life is how cruel and disrespectful people can be. Too many consumers out there that lack depth. I think it's sad.

Yep I agree. It can be hard to pick and choose who you open up to.

There is always "risk" rdgrad15. Some people can seem friendly and yet can actually have a side to them that can be very vindictive and spiteful and rather harmful and entitled and self serving.

Yep exactly and unfortunately I’ve met people like that.

I’m each day more cautious about who I tell my things. It’s not that I’m extrovert but I used to think that people were respectful and the conversation would keep between us. But now, I see this is the exception to the rule so I keep everything much to myself or comment with a person I know it’s gonna understand me, but this last it’s an exception.

People are prone to judge you and think that if they were in the same situation, they could manage things better, but the reality is that it’s easier to see the situation from the outside.

I better keep things for myself. I have been object of gossips only because it seems some people don’t have their own life and you can’t guess how much it affected me. Since I don’t like to be noticed.

In my neighbourhood I barely receive questions, only small chat, because they know I don’t like to talk about myself and much less about others at their backs.

I normally have an instinct feeling about who I can trust certain things but I’m more often the one who receive confidences.

There is too much pressure to get everything right and this is how our educational system is set up. There is so much praise for those who manage to get everything right which creates self esteem challenges for individuals who don't JUST get everything right. It's more important that students learn to ENJOY learning instead. What our system teaches is "anxiety" and that's where a lot of social dysfunction is created. It becomes a job to learn instead of being something enjoyed in "self". Often this collecting things about someone that can be used to hurt them is actually something TAUGHT. It's much better to TEACH our children to develop a passion for learning. If that is focused on the most it can build self esteem instead of anxiety and depression where a child begins to feel overwhelmed if not getting everything right.

And then these individuals try and use their own children to make up for whatever they themselves did not accomplish. I have noticed this a lot while raising my own daughter where I saw parents push their children for what they themselves wanted instead of focusing more on what their child wants and needs. It's no wonder so many struggle when it comes to venting frustrations and then feeling it's wrong or not really taking an actual interest when someone shares a need. There tends to be lack of understanding how to be authentic and genuine and imperfect.

Yep I agree, I have a harder time trusting people too. I learned the hard way more than once. Keeping to yourself is usually the best strategy and it takes time before opening up. I have natural instincts about who I can trust too, much better at listening to them than I was over ten years ago.

Yep I agree. There does seem to be lots of fear and anxiety when it comes to teaching and learning. It had become more of an obligation too. And I agree that it is rare to see someone who is genuine while not being afraid to admit to being imperfect as well.

Being an introvert and shy person have helped me to be a discreet person.
I can only talk in this topic you brought up, that by the way is so interesting as the other ones you always bring up, for the experiences people around me have had that I sometimes have seen myself involved in without wanting it.

Yeah I’m introverted and shy too. It makes me more discreet too.

I haven’t mentioned a situation that could take place. Let’s see that you trust a person your psychological issues, I’m referring to people who struggle with PTSD, bi-polarity, anxiety, personality disorders...Sometimes, if the person we trust these issues may have bad intentions and use your psychological issues against you. It may be a 22-catch situation.
You are never right or are allowed to stand up for yourself because in the end, you are the one who have psychological problems “you are nutz”. It’s something similar yo be gas-lifted.

I've notice for myself that there are certain subjects I would talk about; and then I can sense that the other person doesn't feel comfortable with what I'm saying. For an example: yesterday I got talking to this guy at work and I mentioned my family dysfunction. He reacted by saying "yeah" and then changed the subject quickly and completely. For some reason, I think that other people don't feel comfortable hearing complaints about family members. That seems to be the subject (or topic) that makes people the most uncomfortable.

With me, I don't feel comfortable hearing about some family dysfunction. Some I welcome and relate to and others I can't. For me, the most uncomfortable I hear from others is gossiping at the office and health issues along, with end-of-life stories.

Yes I feel guilty at times venting; and especially when others react negatively.

Yeah that makes sense, that can happen unfortunately.

Yep I agree. And I’ve had the same experience where I tell someone something and they clearly don’t like it so I regret it. In some cases in the past it was so obvious that they were so uncomfortable that I’ve stop mid sentence, apologized, and change the subject quickly. I agree that topics of family dysfunctions, relationship issues, gossip, and death are what make people the most uncomfortable.

rdgrad15, often the regret comes from needing to vent and ending up venting to another person who simply doen't know how to respond.

I had to help my daughter understand that when she liked this boy in highschool and he would call her and he did not talk. I told her how to handle that was to prepare a list of things she could ask him to help him learn how to talk to her. So that is what she did with him and she came to me and told me "it worked". That boy NEVER forgot her and every year for YEARS he would call her just after the strike of midnight to wish her a happy birthday and be the first to wish her a happy birthday. Well, his parents were divorced and all about themselves and never really talked to him so that was a skill he simply did not develop.

It isn't that your needs don't deserve to be heard when that happens, it's typically more about how the other person doesn't have the skills needed to sit and listen.

Then there are the types of people that need all the attention to revolve around them. There again that individual prefers your attention to revolve more around them which can contribute to uncomfortable feelings, but also that too is all that person knows.

Yeah that actually makes sense. Basically after venting or opening up to a certain person, you may realize that you shouldn't have opened up to that specific person after seeing how they handled it. That is an amazing story you used, that is good that your daughter was able to help him talk. Yeah it can be hard for people to open up and some people can ruin it. You may be brave at one point and open up, only to realize that the person either doesn't know how to handle it or doesn't care. I once knew someone in college who would shut down if you mentioned anything about a funeral.

Happened a couple times where I had to attend a funeral, luckily I wasn't too close to those who died, but when I told a certain person I was going to a funeral, she would avoid me or at least not talk to me. Didn't even talk about the death, just simply stated that I was at a funeral. In fact, the second time, I tried to not tell her where I was, but she kept asking so I eventually caved in and told her through text and she didn't text me for the rest of the day. Really made me realize that she was one of those people who I couldn't open up to. I would think, wow, if I lost someone super close to me, she would be no help at all. She belonged to the second group of people you mentioned where she had to be the center of attention since she was a bad listener towards many people. I know people like that unfortunately.