Stuck

Not sure if you are suggesting she must unconditionally accept abuse ?

I think you just discredited your own voice unawareBS..

Where is this coming from? She’s been abused. Are you suggesting she endure the abuse even more? He’s left and they are now divorcing.

Starlingflock you deserve to be in a abuse-free relationship

i havent read the whole thread, but from what others have said, this sounds a bit like your saying abuse is acceptable?

abuse is never acceptable i think

Saying "i love you" doesnt mean anything unless he matches his actions to his words

He will not pay back that $1000 he took from the reserve line. He will not send you money every month. How could he? He doesn't have a job. He has no income. He never will have a job or an income. He can't get along with people well enough to hold a job . . . . . not until he finds a place of employment where everyone there will constantly kiss his behind. You know him a lot better than I do. If I'm wrong, please correct me.

He's never going to pay child support towards the upkeep of his daughter. Even if he had some income, he's not going to let your daughter's needs take precedence over what he needs for his marijuana expenditure. (That, BTW, is what's called lack of character.) Of course, I may be proven completely wrong.

Right now he's dreaming about getting half the equity in that house and in that 401K. He knows that won't be for a while. He will need money sooner than that. If there are any marital assets, or lines of credit, he can tap into, that's what he'll do.

He may even ask you for a loan. He'll say he needs the money to enable him to pursue a great job opportunity. He'll tell you how, once he gets that position, he'll be sending you monthly checks. I'm not saying this will all be a lie. He'll come up with some fantasy that he may actually believe. He'll ask you to "invest" in this great opportunity.

You might want to see if you can halt any of those automatic debits that come out for his stuff. Or . . . . see if you can transfer the money in that account over to an account that you totally control. You'ld be smart to see an attorney about putting up a financial firewall between his economic activity and yours. I think lawyers like to publish something in a paper about you not being responsible for his debts.

Also, don't go talking about your domestic problems at work. That could make your employer lose confidence in your reliability.

Your husban is going to try to rob you and your daughter of as much as he can. (It's that character thing I was telling you about. His is "bad.") Does your son have a job? If so, your husband will be hitting him up for money too. You might find it cheaper to just let hubby move back in and keep the marriage going.

Maybe I'm wrong about everything.

Start Googling: "Divorce Asset Protection" Here's a start -

How to Protect Assets in a Divorce | Gilmer Law Firm, PLLC.

He’s not going to send you money. He’s not giving you money now. Why would he send any?

True true. It’s been so out of whack.

Secure happy and loved in action. ❤️

him running from me states away I guess made me feel like I’d been so mean

I can’t accept unconditionally. I have a child to take care of and his behavior was taking a big toll on her mental health. His behavior was taking a big toll on my security and sanity too.

Hah yes I’m just going with my feelings, letting them dissipate, knowing they’ll swell again.

I doubt he’ll send money too. He says he has a few jobs lined up, I asked what, he said just whatever. I don’t think he’ll help me do anything.

You can file for child support even before divorcing if he moved away. If he gets any kind of job, his wages could be garnished. I doubt he’ll get a job though.

I think it’s time to have a consultation with a lawyer

Yes, I would look into the legalities of him providing child support and I would consult with an attorney ASAP. Don't wait on this. He is obligated to pay child support, and legally.

I hope you can get him to pay child support without a fight, my own dad I know for a fact would not pay child support without Mum having to fight him for every penny.

He shouldnt of continued to father kids if he cannot afford to help pay for them. In my opinion. (edit: this is about my own father, the shouldnt of continued to father kids thing, he's fathered 4 kids that we know about and likely other kids that we dont know about, he thinks women are there just to make kids with and we're no good for anything else)

I’m feeling better today. Had a good nights sleep so that helps. Im relieved that I will have more funds now (since he won’t be spending money from the account) to give my child and myself the things and experiences we deserve. I have control to implement a budget. I’m looking forward to getting my life in order.

Yay i'm glad your feeling better after a good sleep

I'm also glad he won't be spending money thats yours

I made the right decision telling him I want to divorce. it was the only way to improve daily life for myself and child. I am feeling relaxed at the moment, which I haven’t felt in a very long time. My home is feeling very calm (besides having a puppy). I’m looking around at the mess and disorder, but there’s no energy in those objects anymore, they’re inert and I’ll box them up.

I’m not keeping “his side” of the room. Or his set ups. Maybe that’s not right? But he left he said he’s moved away permanently.

I have sadness about him. His beautiful eyes and smile. Our embraces, our laughs. The thousands of times we walked side by side being a couple. The intimate moments we shared.

It’s only natural to feel sadness. However, you’re focused on positives from the past and are nostalgic. Again, only natural. But don’t forget to remember all the mean, cutting insults and hurt he caused you. Don’t forget all the incidents and bad things that led up to this divorce. You are free of all of that crap. Relish in that and try to focus less on nostalgia. It was an illusion. Not reality.

It’s very sad. It would be weird if it wasn’t sad. It’s ok to remember good times fondly.

You could clean and declutter the house, pick his stuff up, box it but don’t get rid of it. Talk to him about what he wants to do with it. Give him time frame. If it’s not removed by then, it could be pitched.

Contact legal aid. Or a lawyer. Document the day he said he is moving permanently. Make it official that he left. It could start separation period. Keep everything in writing. Texts and emails. Save it for documentation purposes in case he later says he just went on vacation or something

starlingflock you deserve better than him

Is it really mean to finally speak up and have boundaries? Your husband is expecting his entire family to adjust to HIS needs which includes getting high which is the same as drinking alcohol tbh.

This is not new to you because that is what you grew up with where you were expected to live around your fathers alcoholism. Is that what you want your children to also do? This waiting and hoping for a calm to come has been a constant with you, can you see that?

You have been trained to live your life around a person with addiction disease and this IS their life drunk or sober it’s always about the disease. And FYI he is not really running from you. So don’t convince yourself to carry that kind of negative baggage.

It’s ok to say no, to say stop the bus and let me off.