Unhappy Marriages Anyone?

I’m in one and feel pretty alone tonight. Verbal abuse, control, (using one another) avoidance behavior, anger. And just needed to vent. I break inanimate objects to express my anger (this morning I sent a 150 lb wheelchair (with sandbags on it) down a steep 200 yard hilly road.

@arich62

So sorry you're going through this...

I was in an abusive relationship (emotional / psychological) and a psychologist got me out to a woman's shelter, then I moved to the YWCA. I didn't have children or pets... It was tremendously hard to leave, but I did it.

It's difficult to know what to say, not knowing your particulars, but I'd say you need to end the relationship and get out of there safely asap.

Your not alone. The majority’s of marriages are unhappy. I would suggest you do whatever you have to do to get out of it , unless you think it can be repaired.
I would also suggest that you don’t send things rolling down hills or break inanimate objects as this can lead to unpleasant circumstances.

I really don’t believe that 2 people are meant to spend their whole lives with just the other person. Unfortunately the animal instincts in both men and women are still alive and kicking. It’s a difficulty thing to try and be “ civilized “. If it can work out , great. If not , then they should make it easier to get out of the contract.

What if there was someone who was in the way (humans, pets, cars)? What if kids were playing / running and not aware of what is going on around them, ran in the way of your 'weapon'?? Accidents can happen in milliseconds!

I would ensure you express your anger in less dangerous and/or potentially destructive ways, so that innocent people are not possible victims to it.

I’d seek help in regards to expression of anger. It sounds quite dangerous.

That incident is what brought me here and feeling uneasy the rest of the day. How does one express their anger when verbal communication feels useless? - Is the question. Starts with working the 12 steps I guess and my anger management. Yeah I already thought about that safety stuff. I have little guilt and shame as to my luck it was midday and nobody around and I had 4 things kind of hit me at once that flipped me out.
Things will get better and she will leave by end of September or earlier if her friend visits from out of town- or - making plans to leave town by myself.

If I feel that angry, I’d not stay with the person. I was in a relationship with alcoholic once. When he relapsed yet another time I felt so angry I saw red (I don’t act violently but I fell so much anger). I ended the relationship the very next day. Moved out 30 days later. Life has been good since.

If you are in general angry person then sure get help. But if you are just angry because of your partner, then I suggest you move on with your life.

Breaking objects can backfire against you. Be careful. Leave the situation since it's so abusive, if you can, or plan an exit strategy. You're definitely not alone. Plenty of people who are in your shoes.

Have you tried to find a therapist that is experienced with the kind of challenges you have? It sounds like you don’t really get to experience being your authentic self. Maybe you are not cut out for a regular heterosexual relationship. Maybe you would be a happier person being single. Bruce Jenner finally admitted he was unhappy and set out to be his authentic self and he has said he has been much happier. He tried the normal relationship route and he just was not happy.

You are living in a time where there is more discussion and acceptance so you can set towards a path to finally being what makes you happiest.

I got a divorce after 31 years of verbal abuse.The book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life.

It took me a long time to realize that verbal abuse and passive aggressiveness
can be just as hurtful as physical violence. I’m going to check out that book you mentioned.

I am sorry you are going through this. Please, try talking to someone and decide if you want to stay married as soon as possible. I got married recently, and generally speaking, we are happy. The biggest issue for us was how much time we spend together, since he spends a lot of free time playing computer games (I know, it is not a huge issue that cannot be solved). Now he announced he wants to start playing a play-to-earn game and I am afraid how things will go. I tried reading about these games, but I don't know anything about how crypto or nft or however it's called works. We never had fights about finances before and I don't want us to start now. I am trying my best to see it as a positive thing, and hope that he will earn some money basically having fun, but I just worry too much.

@lovableball

You may want to check out Suze Orman's book The Courage to Be Rich, as she talks about how couples do their finances... it's quite good and can be found secondhand on abebooks.com

Thank you so much for the recommendation, I will definitely check it out!