I let him back in and now I am kicking myself

"this post is a duplicate" bla bla the long message it doesnt give me time to read it before its gone

LOL.

And wow, I hadn't thought of it from that perspective. Yeah, if I have treated him SO horribly, why would he even bother texting me so much?

I am trying hard to just not speak with him today.

Thank you.

I feel weaker today. I am not feeling that strong. His crying, his pleas and his begging is getting to me. Please help me to stay strong. I cannot revoke my decision - I will not, but I feel weak.

He will just drag you down again, Have Hope

Completely ignore everything he texts, don't even read them if you dont feel you can remain strong

Thanks so much, @willowtigger.

Remind your stronger self it's her turn to win.

Listen to a little girl power music. Loudly. As loud as you dare.

Meghan Trainor - Lips are Movin
Gloria Gaynor- I Will Survive
Katy Perry - Roar
Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone
Taylor swift- we are never ever getting back together

Don’t tell him where you going and what you doing. The minute you said he knew you went dancing or what not, I knew it opens up new cycle of a game. He’s jealous you are dancing with guys (he thinks that or pretends to think that). Then he needs more communication. Then you inform him that you are ok.

And of course the next morning game is back him crying and you are weak. He can’t play if you step out of the game. Some separated people live in the same household for months. It’s uncomfortable of course but no need to keep informing about mundane things. Bill info in writing. Nothing else needs to be discussed at all. Polite hello is fine. Nothing else needs to be said

He knows how to play the game.

I keep trying to remind myself of this. Over and over again.

And thanks SO MUCH for the songs!!! I will listen to them.

Yes, he does know how to play the game, and I apparently do not. I am honest and forthcoming.

Tuesday cannot come soon enough, though he tells me he will also be here every night next week moving stuff out. At least by Tue, he will not be sleeping here anymore.

He came home yesterday before a work dinner party and was rude and antagonistic - he started yet another fight, and I ended up yelling at him. My patience is very thin these days, and his antagonism and attacks are making me very angry to the point of yelling. I do not like that.

He keeps saying we could have worked things out - that we could have gotten another therapist if ours is no good and that he would work on himself. I keep having to repeat myself: "I am not talking about this anymore with you".

Then he threatens to NOT move out and to stay throughout the duration of our lease through June. His threats end up pissing me off, and I end up yelling at him. He has threatened this several times and keeps telling me he is being kicked out of our home. I did not kick him out. I told him it makes more sense if he moves out because I can afford the apartment. I ended the relationship and gave him 3 weeks to move out. But of course, to him, he's being kicked out.

He is making things most difficult - and I know it won't end here.

This quote - it came up in my Facebook memories today. It is SO perfect for me right now, because he's trying to drown out my own voice with his opinions, thoughts and desires, without respecting my decision to separate and divorce:

"Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner
voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and
intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.
Everything else is secondary."

~Steve Jobs

Women on my abuse Facebook groups are telling me the reason why he is continuing to argue the points with me is because he only wants CONTROL - that it's all about him being able to control the situation. This makes sense to me, and it makes me seriously want to PUKE.

I cannot relate to him whatsoever. He is the opposite of myself. I do not have a need to control, argue OR demean. I am DISGUSTED by him. He is truly DESPICABLE. I feel sick... seriously just sick to my stomach over what I am dealing with.

If he has movers coming in why will he be coming home every day to take stuff. That’s how he prolonged his leave last time. Movers needs to move him out in one day. What are movers taking if he plans on coming back all the time?

He refuses to get boxes to pack the belongings that the movers will not be taking. I cannot force him to do anything. It's completely out of my hands and frustrates the heck out of me. He is doing this on purpose, I know full well!

So, yes, he's doing the same exact thing as the last time. He says he plans to be fully out by Nov 1.

Wow. Boxes are cheap. Could also pack in other ways.

He’ll be coming every day for two weeks? November 1st???? That's uncalled for. Who’s moving this way?

He plans on wearing you down, one time he’ll bring flowers then one time he’ll do something else sweet and then you’ll be back with him. That’s his plan. He also can’t support himself. So he’ll be asking for money.

Nonsense

I know - and I have to remain STRONG through all of it and I cannot let myself give in. I know it's all manipulation, so any flowers, sobbing tears or apologies are all a part of the manipulation. Screw it. I am NOT going back this time, & no matter what it takes, I am getting him out of my life for good this time.

I am going to let the part of me that wants to save myself WIN. I keep telling myself this every single day. And it helps!!!!!

I have to say - between my abuse facebook support groups and this community, I am able to see clearly and I am able to remain strong in my stance of divorce. I want to sincerely thank every single one of you who is supporting me in my plight and on this thread for helping me to "see the light", to stay the course, and to remain strong. I need the support so badly, especially since I lack a therapist right now. So, thank you to all of you, from the bottom of my heart.

You deserve a million times better than him, Have Hope

You are worth more than ten million of him

(idk what ten million would look like as a number)

Instead of boxes I’d be throwing a big box of garbage bags right at his head (whoopsie!)!

That's a bit unfair - on the garbage bags cause what did they do?

Thanks so much, @willowtigger!!!! I am really looking forward to rediscovering my own life and to fulfilling my life in every way possible to make myself happy again. And, I do deserve far better - at least I know this!!

LOL!

Actually on a serious note garbage bags are great way to pack stuff. No need for boxes. Especially clothes and toiletries. The only thing you need boxes for are breakables like dishes and books but even that could be managed without boxes. You can pack his stuff for him. I probably would. No way I’d be there every night watch him go in and out. We did a slow move when we bought a house and moving out of apartment that we left vacant for a month. But no one was there. We just stopped on the way from work and picked more boxes. So movers only had to take furniture. You don’t do it when someone is still living there. It’s disruptive

🤣🤣🤣🤣 too funny