I let him back in and now I am kicking myself

You don't need a second arsehole in your life, you already have the sort of arse hole everyone has, you don't need another

He returned home and messaged me. He didn’t mention my texts to his friend so they must not have mentioned it to him. Interestingly enough!

They probably decided to stay out if it. Smart of them. Also if he’s their friend, they might not want to embarrass him. I’d probably not tell my girlfriend if I got messages from her husband with screenshots of their texts. I’d just delete it. I’d only mention it to her if it had threats and my friend was in danger, otherwise no.

Yeah, it is smart of them. I never heard back from the woman I texted (his female friend), so that says something as well. But they're HIS friends, not mine, and given the nature of my texts, I should hardly expect a reply. I accused him of being a narcissist as well, and told her that I wanted her to know the TRUTH.

Well, so yesterday was pretty horrific for me given those texts I sent. Thank you to everyone for all your support around this.

Today is a brand new day. I woke up wanting to reboot.

I was hungover yesterday from drinking too much wi*ne Sat night - I need to watch my drinking because I see myself slipping into the bottle a little too much lately, and I do this whenever I am overly stressed or upset. It's also another way he can show his friends that I am nuts or unstable because of the drunk angry texts that I send him.

I become practically toxic myself when I drink too much and am angry - I don't like to see that part of myself, and it makes me feel full of shame and anxiety. I had sent a bunch of angry texts to him Sat night as well, and he knew I had been drinking by the time I got home. I am sure he showed THOSE texts to his friends, which is why I feel full of shame. They can all now say I am nuts and am an angry drunk - something he can hold over my head and have over me.

My only saving grace is that is not my typical behavior. When I am pushed too hard and am too stressed, is when it can happen.

They used to call it "crazy-making." R D Laing promoted it, but others refused to follow it. I think because it gives too much power to the other person and promotes victim mentality. I would say they havent been in that position, where the other person by manipulation alters your reality and your reactions. Really your only recourse is to get out. They didnt talk about no-contact in laing's time either, that came much later.

My dad always used to say, "every man is the king of his own castle." You dont hear that much anymore!

YES - it's crazy making and it's all making me absolutely loony. I need to get back to normalcy - a healthier and more peaceful life without him. He cannot leave soon enough. No contact is definitely the way to go in order to be healthy again.

CRAP - she DID tell him about my texts. He just called to ask me if I’m ok, and told me about her telling him that I texted her. He said nothing about the content of my texts, so I don’t know if she showed them to him.

he's a manipulative piece of poop, whatever he says remember that Have Hope

You don't need a stinky manipulative piece of crap in your life

Pull the chain/handle and flush him away out of your life

Yes - he is very manipulative. I should just assume that everything he says and does he has alterior motives.

WOW - he actually suggested that he take MY cat with him so as to stay with the other two cats that are HIS. So as not to split them up or traumatize them. They will adjust in time to each other's absence - this, I know. But I am appalled that he even suggested I give up my own beloved cat/kitten, who has been mine since we got her over a year ago.

Are the three cats bonded with each other? It won't be impossible to split them even if they are bonded together

They will notice they are not together, and you might get a bit of mourning behaviour (for example, when Ebony's boyfriend got euthanased at the vet, Ebony would wander around with food in her mouth, calling for him - this was one of the two most extreme reaction to change i have seen in cats, the other extreme behaviour i saw the aftermath of was my first cat Beauty, she was a very nervous fearful little girl and when she lost her home cause her owner died, then ended up in the family's home, got terrified of the kids so they gave her to rescue, then from rescue she came to me, 4 changes in a matter of months was too much for her, she had nothing from her "old life" left, I don't think your cat will react like that though)

I don't think yours will react like my Beauty did though

I think the worst you'll get, is your cat looking for the other two and coming to you to "ask" you where the other two are, but they do get used to not seeing each other

They play, yes and they all get along well. But, I know from experience that cats do adjust to change. Initially, she may cry for them, but she will get used to it. If she's really lonely, I'll just get another kitten!

Once he has your cat he will have a great excuse to stay in touch with you indefinitely.

And you will be strongly tempted to ask how your cat is doing.

Yup. Asking about cats. Visiting with the cats. Then the cats might not feel well so come check on the cats. This won’t end unless you cut the ties. This game with pets is very common in divorce. Like stupid custody share with pets. Just another way to stay relevant

Wow, I hadn’t thought of it from that angle, but how true is that?!?

It’s very true because I know too many people who underwent all kind of issues with that during and post divorce. Usually it’s accomplished by tugging on your heart’s strings.

The worst ones are the ones that insist on 50/50 custody with the pets. You’d be tied to the person for next how many years. If it’s turtle then it might be another hundred years lol

And some let it go until they start harassing you about it years after divorce. My husband and his ex split the cats but she’d not leave him alone demanding the other cat. We were already a couple just not living together yet, the kids told her about me and I suspect that’s why she demanded the other cat so I’d not end up with it. He gave it to her because it was just not worth the fight. She was good with cats, so he didn’t feel too horrible, just sad

Sadly many people do these kind of manipulation with kids all the time but if there are no kids or kids are adults, they’d use pets in their manipulation games

Unbelievable - well, the third cat is mine and there is no way I am sharing her or letting him take her.

Yesterday he seemed to be in a good mood, and was even trying to joke around with me. I think that my texts to his friend makes him feel powerful over me, because I "lost control". This is what I instinctively feel is going on.

Today is moving day. Things are very tense between us. We're snapping at each other.

Do you have someone "on your side" who can be with you while he's there?

No, I do not. Ugh. The movers are gone but he’s coming back to move more things.

.

Is it smaller stuff, like in boxes etc now?

Maybe put the boxes outside for him, or take what you want into one room and shut yourself in until he's gone?

It’s all smaller stuff. Unfortunately I can’t control what he does. I suggested he get boxes and he agreed. He thinks it will only be a few trips and car loads.