When you feel guilty or regret it after venting or opening up to someone

This happened to me just yesterday. I met my childhood friend after many years and we talked for hours. During this time, I ended up venting out all of the things that get me triggered and ended up revealing personal stuff about my family to her. Although the friend is a good person and I trust her to a certain degree, I feel guilty about revealing things about my brother & sis-in-law which would change people's opinion about them. You see, my mother portrays them as loving people who are amazing, which is very far from the reality. But now I'm afraid that the friend would tell her parents etc. about what I said in the heat of the moment. I have no one to talk to. There is no support system who would only listen to me without arguing or blaming me for every single thing. So I had been bottling things for a very long time and ended up spilling them out to the friend. I feel guilty and unsure now because I generally never talk about my feelings to people who are not mom. Usually I'm extremely cautious and careful but this time I let my guard down. I never let my guard down in front of people. I used to do that in front of my mom, but that has only hurt our relationship. I hope there are no consequences for this slip up. It's a very unusual thing for me to talk about things to people. I wonder why I'm still so naïve and go back to my childish habit of oversharing things like I used to do when I was a kid. When am I gonna grow up? Why do I self sabotage?

Wow........... I know exactly how you feel. I do the same thing. You answered your question. You do it because
you don't have enough people you can talk to. So when you talk to someone , it all spills out. Then you later
regret sharing as much as you did. I have very few ,if anyone ,that I can really talk to . That's why we pay therapists
to listen to us babble on about all kinds of personal stuff. Even in just general conversations I say too much.
I'm surrounded by people who don't share *****. They somehow keep it inside and remain quiet. It always amazed
me how some people are like that. Your not a child and you don't " have to grow up ". And are you self sabotaging
yourself by being truthful ? Perhaps. That's the only part of "oversharing " that can get us in trouble. If you have
issues that you feel you need to talk about in private try and find someone you can trust and who cares. I feel for you.
Im glad you found this forum and was able to share what you did. Take care.....

Everyone has things to share ....I find that when I open up to people....sometimes to people I don't know well, that they usually share their "stuff".....how did that person react to what you were saying?

(((hugs))). I am guilty of over sharing, but getting better. We have a need. It's gone unfulfilled, and we take what becomes available to us.

As my dh got less well over the years, I learned to regret pretty much every time I opened up to him. It is generally a dead end. I turned to other people, but realize too late that it makes most of them uncomfortable if we aren't close enough to talk on a regular basis. Less is often more, unless somehow the conversation seemed to naturally evolve this way. Did you feel like you overshared? Did she share back? That can be a good barometer of whether you are really oversharing or just bonding.

I've found journalling helps me avoid this to some extent. Once I put all those thoughts,and emotions on paper, they are out of me and I'm less inclined to need to share them with another person. I can also talk them out to myself if I'm able to have time alone. There's something about just processing them out.

Be gentle with yourself. It's easy to fall into that and it doesn't make you any less of a person. It's good that you recognize that it might not always be a good idea, and then you can work to change it.

I don't have an answer but wanted to share that you are not alone, I am dealing with this as well.

I have the same issue. I'll be in pain about something and end up oversharing with someone who might go repeat it to the wrong person. Then I'll be petrified for weeks, waiting for the whole thing to explode in my face. Especially in my professional life, oh man have I overshared and regretted it. Perhaps you should try to build a small group of close friends--could be online people or whatever--that you vent to, so that you're less likely to gush to the wrong person. Also, when we mix with people we knew from long ago, it's easy to revert to that person you used to be. Maybe that's partially what happened when you started talking with your old friend and you just felt lulled into your old closeness.


For the sake of your peace of mind, could you just re-reach out to her and apologize for going on about those things, and then ask her to please not pass it on? Maybe briefly explain that you don't really have anyone to talk to and you're going through a really rough time? I've done that a few times, where I realized I overshared and I just called the person up to apologize and request they be discreet.

I like @DoroMona's idea of following up with her to explain and ask her to keep it secret.

I overshare often, sometimes to people I have just met. In my case, I think it's part of autism spectrum disorder. I'm not always aware of what other people find inappropriate. I'm also used to always telling the truth when someone asks how I am, instead of lying and saying fine.

The thing is now done. You can’t undone it. But, you can work on the issue.
What about trying ways to communicate to the people you have the problem with in a calm and assertive way. Take you time to face to the situation with the person who is really involved in the event. Not your mother, or your friend.
So, you won’t keep pending things one after another inside.

Meanwhile, to take a little distance and act with cold feet, you could write about the situation and the feelings it woke up on a journal, then do some kind of activity to calm you down and when you are ready, talk to this person and tell them what you didn’t like, how you felt and saw the situation, establish boundaries or whatever you need to tell them in a calm way.
After doing this you will feel stronger and able to handle any situation. It takes practise but you can.

I don't think you sabotaged yourself. You met a childhood friend that knew you in ways most do not. Over the course of time the two of you spoke, you reengaged with those original feelings of connection that told you it was okay to speak open about such personal matters. Your life experience told you this person would understand your frame of mind. In other words friends who know the essence of who we are can differentiate a serious opinion versus an expression of frustration. If you know this person to fit that definition, then you're okay. You weren't gossiping, you were just venting to a trusted friend.

Hugs to you, I’ve done this before too and then regretted it, thinking back it’s happened when I’ve been overwhelmed by things and I haven’t been thinking straight. Try not to beat yourself up, you’re only human.

I like the idea of speaking to the friend and explaining why you feel you shouldn’t have shared as much and apologising. Hope all will go well and your friendship won’t be jeopardised by this, I think it’s good you recognise what you’ve done and the impact it can have - some people don’t have the awareness to realise when they are over sharing and being indiscreet, that’s when the real damage is done imo.

((((( hugs )))))

I agree with the post above.