Dating After Abuse and Dealing With Life Changes

Please... let's drop it. No one here understands my point or perspective. All people want to do is argue against my perspective and it's annoying.. no one perspective is right or wrong - we all can have different viewpoints and opinions and those should be respected. Why do I frequently feel dumped on for my perspective on my own thread? I don't like it, so please stop. That's my boundary.

Thank you.

Its like trying to get your life coach clients to see another path. Just because its different, doesnt mean its criticism. Its just another road.

I'm learning in my course that life coaching is far less about providing solutions, and much more about empowering your clients to find their own solutions. No one knows one's situation better than the person who is in it. Same with opinions. The only opinion that truly matters to me is my own in this conversation. I know myself best, I happen to like myself, in fact, I love who I am, and I am not changing for anyone. I accept who I am.. and often it feels like people here just want to knock me down for some unknown reason. It's not nice behavior, coming from probably not so nice people.

Of course the only opinion matters is yours. But what type of responses you’d like then? People provide you with variety of responses: different perspective/congratulating on things well done/suggestions etc You get lots of people on here very invested in variety of your situations.

If our opinions have absolutely no value, should we not reply at all? I am not fully understanding. I do see now that you want specific responses, not different perspectives. What responses would you like? If any?

I didn’t mean that people’s responses have no value. Of course there’s value to considering other perspectives. Sometimes those different perspectives give me a new angle on an issue that I hadn’t considered. So it’s all valuable. What I meant is in the end, I’m going to make up my own mind about a situation and my own feelings or opinions are what matter the most to me. No one here truly knows me, and I know myself best, just like any of us. And with Jay and these texts for example, it means to me that I prefer far quicker responses and I get very frustrated by people who take hours upon hours or days to reply. It annoys me immensely. So that’s my preference, and Jay’s style is different than mine. And that’s ok, but it’s not my style or preference. And I accept the fact that I want a reply within a reasonable or expected timeframe. So be it. I get impatient. So be it. It’s all ok.

Edited to add: I don’t like debates or arguing. And often it does feel like people try to argue against me on here frequently enough. I prefer not to engage in that kind of conversation.

I’ve got my course to focus on. Taking a break.

My sincere apologies. Though my intent was to be helpful, I need to work on not giving unsolicited advice. Sending encouragement to you.

Thank you.,,

A supposed good friend tried to burst my happy bubble yesterday.

She called me in the morning, and I was talking passionately about all the things I am getting involved in.. my workshop, my course, life coaching and possible volunteer work on Meetups.com. She has been feeling blah about her own life for many months now, maybe even the last year, and has been talking about and is researching going on Lexapro because of menopausal symptoms. Well, I was all passionate and happy sounding, so she suddenly blurts out in reply to my excitement that she is SO happy that she doesn't have to be single and that she is SO happy to have a wonderful husband.

This was a direct jab at me.... She knows I just went through a divorce, and am freshly single. She knows that I had a miserable marriage. She knows that ultimately, I would like a life partner. All I could say in reply was that I am happy being single, even if it means for the rest of my life.

I am hurt & blown away that my supposed good friend would try to hurt me in this way. It was like a knife stab directly in my heart.... And it was an obvious jab at me because it directly followed from my telling her all the great things happening in my life.

I felt she was trying to overcompensate for the void that is missing in her own life by thinking, well at least I have a good marriage and I don't have to be single.

I am not going to talk to this friend again for a very long time, I decided. I don't need or want that kind of jealousy or person in my life. It was hurtful, and I believe on some level, deliberate. What a jerk!

What a random thing to say. Two of my best friends have never been married and have no children. I can’t imagine to ever say such a thing to them. Why? Dumb and rude. More so, some women think having a husband is the greatest accomplishment for a woman and they brag about it like it’s a Nobel Prize. And they do it out of context. It’s not like you were discussing concept of marriage.

You were talking about your plans or accomplishments or hopes and dreams. They bring up they are lucky to have a husband. Annoying

Right?!? It was rude and quite hurtful and mean, I felt.

I spoke with another girlfriend this morning about this friend and what she had said to me. This girlfriend told me she doesn't go to this other female friend for any kind of empathy about issues she's facing in her life. She says she limits the topics she speaks of with her.

I felt it was definitely off topic & directed at me. I felt she was lashing out at me for something that is missing in her own life. I don't think she is particularly happy in her life and is envious of me feeling happy and pursuing something I am passionate about. She is a data security professional - how absolutely boring.... I would die if I had to work in that field, and I know that my friend is not passionate about this industry.

Just because you don't currently have a man, doesn't mean anything, Hope

I haven't had a boyfriend since 2011 and I've put my energy into other things, doesn't mean I've failed at life

You haven't failed either

Oh, I know, right? As though getting married and having a man is the end goal? Nope! I am happy and fine without.

I figured out that my girlfriend has narcissism.. she has always carried an air of superiority over me. She criticizes me and makes me feel bad about myself after most conversations. I’ve known her 30 years and never saw it before until now. I’m not going to her for support or empathy anymore.. she in fact has no empathy and she’s not a good support for me. Can't believe it took me this long to realize this. I’m done. I will check in with her periodically, but no longer will share details of my struggles with her.

It was insensitive of her at best. I wonder if she was lashing out or just trying to think of things that were going well in her own life. It sounds best to minimize contact with her - if you can't get empathy from friends who can you go to?


Even as a teenager I disagreed so much with the idea that you need a man to have value. Statistically single women are happier. Marriage is no walk in the park - and many couples stay together for the wrong reasons. I've been in a bad relationship and I shudder to think if I didn't have the courage to leave. And my ex was not abusive, but it would still have been torment to stay with him (for one thing he did ZERO housework grrrrr).

I always like that statistic. The happiest men are the married ones and the happiest women are single ones. That’s something, isn’t it.

It says something pretty sad about relationships between genders.

Its CRAZY!!! But i think its all dependent on who washes your underpants. Do you not even have to worry about it? Thats married men. So single men feel doubly put upon that they have to do their own. Etc.

Thats my theory and im sticking to it!

Obviously i spent too many tuesdays (following washday mondays) as a young girl alone in the basement ironing boxers and briefs.

I think she was lashing out, but yes, it was most certainly insensitive. I have 3 girlfriends I can go to for empathy now, and that's it.

Single women without kids are the happiest, I think is the statistic.

I'm lonely today. It's a holiday weekend and all I know are camping at a music festival for 3 days. I was invited by a couple to go, but I decided I should not spend the money. So, I've been home alone all day, kind of very aware of the fact that I am alone.

I am proud of myself. I got through my loneliness by just dealing with it and riding it out. In the past, I would have weakened and reached out to my ex. I did not reach out to my ex or to Jay. I went out by myself, met some new people and had a great time. I woke up feeling pretty good.

That’s a big growth! Wise not spending money in camp right now not reaching out to exes and going out by yourself. All mature smart moves. Excellent

Thank you. It feels good. And I just took a nice walk by myself in the woods.

I have only 10 weeks of unemployment left. 2.5 months. I have not had an interview in several weeks. I signed up for Upwork, a freelancing site, and haven't received any replies yet. I am submitting proposals for freelance work. I am getting a bit nervous. I wonder if they will extend my unemployment benefits and if so, for how long.

How about the coaching? You're taking some kind of certification. I was so impressed with your happiness workshop and I think you could make a go of that, but I know freelance isn't easy.

Try not to worry too much - just keep proof of everywhere you've applied and that should help if they need to extend your unemployment. I hope you find something good.