Dating After Abuse and Dealing With Life Changes

Trauma sucks, I'm sorry you had to experience that, Hope

@willowtigger, thank you, darling.

Guess I have a lot more healing to do.

I'm really disappointed... in my ex husband for failing me as a husband, and with various people for not living up to my expectations of human decency and hurting me/harming me. It really hurts.

Have Hope means everything in the whole of all the universes to this forum

TY.

I broke my no contact rule with my ex husband. I was so triggered by seeing him the other night, I contacted him to dump all my feelings out. He still claims to love me and want me back. He claims he is miserable without me. I told him off and told him that he always treated me like I am the enemy and as though he hates me. Then I blocked him again.

Back to square one.

All of my friends, including my ex husband, went to the Dead and Company concerts this weekend, Sat and Sunday nights. I couldn't go because I don't have the money to pay for the tickets, and they were pricey. I was even offered 2 tix to Sunday's sold out show, but I had to decline. I spent the night last night by myself and went to bed early. I woke up to seeing all my friends' posts on Facebook about how amazing Sunday night's show was, with video clips and fun group pictures at Fenway Park. Knowing my ex was also there is just icing on the cake, making me feel worse than I already do. I am sad that I had to miss these shows, especially since it's the band's FINAL tour. I am upset because last night's show's set list was really good and I missed a great show, even though I had the opportunity to go. I actually DO have the money, but I am on a strict budget and decided that I have to stretch out the funds that I have as long as possible. So I forfeited for the sake of being a responsible adult.

Then, on top of this, the Wed night band that I see every week at a favorite music venue? Things blew up there. Our favorite bartender was fired. I received a message from her mother, a woman who attends the Wed night concerts, a lengthy message describing in detail what had happened. The bartender's ex, who is the lighting guy, got her fired and asked management to fire her. Apparently, the lighting guy is a narcissist and abused the bartender badly, including physical abuse. They had broken up, and she started dating someone else who treats her better. When her ex found out that she's dating someone, that's when he asked management to fire her. So, now her mom, a fan of the band and venue, wants the crew to boycott the venue, although she tried in her message to not tell us all what to do. She said it's up to us, but she wants us all to boycott.

Now what do I do? I love my Wed night band. I love the venue. This is my release and relief every week from my life's stressors. I cannot imagine NOT going now, but I side with the bartender and her mother at the same time. And now other friends are posting about it using vague language on Facebook, in outrage. I want to keep going there. It's not my issue OR business really, and none of this has anything to do with me. But they're saying that management is just after the money. Ugh! SO much drama lately.... I can't deal with all the negativity!!!

I would have loved to be there, too!! I also know I can not afford to do what I would like me sometimes, but I guess that is life. Staying on a financial plan is imperative if you are not working or have a low income. Hopefully there will be other concerts that cone along those hat you will be able to attend..My wish is that you find employment so you can have more freedom to do what you like.

How much are the tickets?

Thank you so much. Everyone had so much fun. UGH. I so wish I could have gone!!! I do have tickets for other concerts this summer already, so that's good at least!!! But yeah, living within my means and staying within my budget is imperative right now.

They were over and over $100 - more like $200. Too pricey! And the concert has passed now.

The mother of a bartender who was fired last week is lobbying for us all to boycott the music venue. Her daughter is the best bartender and the sweetest person. She apparently was dating the lighting guy who apparently is an abusive narcissist. When the lighting guy, the bartender's ex, found out she was dating someone new, he asked management of the venue to fire her, so they did. They not only fired her, but banned her from the venue entirely! Her mother is naturally outraged and wrote me a personal note about this on Facebook. I replied, showing my support and compassion, but I also told her that I want to support the band and will likely still go to the venue. She has not replied back to me.

I am kind of angry that she expects the whole crew to boycott the venue. I am not close with her mother or the bartender, her daughter. We are just mere acquaintances who smile and say hello to each other at shows. I told the mother that even if I do go back to the venue, it doesn't mean I don't support them.

If she doesn't reply to my heartfelt message, it will tell me a. lot about her. I spent considerable time crafting my message just right so that she knew I support them. I even said could she sue for wrongful termination. I understand her upset, but I don't think it's fair to necessarily expect the crowd to follow suit and boycott, thereby abandoning the band. I am a loyal fan of the band, but can still disagree with how management has handled the situation.

It's a messy sticky situation at best. UGH. More drama.... I am so done with drama.

There are two sides to every story. It would be interesting to hear the management's side.

She told management about the ex boyfriend's abuse, including physical abuse. And management still fired and banned her, siding with her ex.

Unfortunately that kind of crap happens all the time and people don't stand up for themselves and sue the employer which is what she should do.

A friend of mine years ago was fired because one of her coworkers sexually harassed her. She worked in the back room of an organic grocery store doing accounting. This guy constantly showed up to talk to her, and progressed to touching her and trying to kiss her even after she'd said "no." She was married. She asked management to tell this guy to leave her alone, and they called her a troublemaker and fired her. Guess what? It was the boss's son.

p.s. I agree a boycott isn't the solution here because it punishes the band. It's very hard for musicians to make money unless they are famous.

Wow... yeah, that's not right either!

Agreed!! The band doesn't deserve to be punished too!

I engaged in a back and forth communication over email with my ex yesterday, on his birthday of all days. I let out everything that has been building within me over the last few months, all of my negative feelings and thoughts about him. I did not hold back. He wrote one last long email, and I deleted it without reading it. I was done. I didn't reply to it. He is blocked again.

Yes, I regressed by doing this. But in the moment it felt good to tell him what I think of him. I called him the Devil. I said calling him a monster doesn't even come close. Devil is more like it.

I reamed him for trying to take away the 17K he had given me, by threatening me with multiple threats all day long 3 months ago, while I cried on the phone, begging and pleading with him not to take me to court. I told him that was the icing on the cake in terms of his cruelty towards me... he was messing with my ability to even live, to remain in my home, and to keep my cat.

And I reamed him for all the other crap he pulled on me in our marriage for the last 4-5 years.

I told him he will die alone because he doesn't know how to love anyone but himself. I said he doesn't even know what love is, or how to truly love someone. That all he knows is cruelty and abuse. I did not call him a narcissist or any nasty names. I just said it like it is. I told him I pity him and the next woman he gets involved with.

Eventually, I ended it and blocked him again.

Seeing him last Friday really threw me for a loop. Seeing him smile at me made me incredibly angry. He was behaving as though everything is ok, forgotten about and forgiven, when it's not even close to that. I told him this as well.

I guess it was cathartic to let it all out. I felt empowered when I deleted his final email without reading it. I was done listening to his BS excuses for his poor treatment and behavior towards me.

Now he's claiming he had mental issues, but that they are resolved. Uh huh. He says he realized he was addicted to his video game (um, you think????) and that it cut into our time together and also didn't help his anxiety. He claims he stopped playing the game and is so much better now that he left his stressful job for something better.

I love how he is trying to bait me into thinking things would now be better with him, given changes in work circumstances and lifestyle habits. Yeah, right. A leopard's spots do not change! Once a monster, always a monster, I told him.

I am going to have to figure out how to handle the next time I am triggered by seeing him. I do NOT want to initiate communications again with him...

I have to find other ways to deal with my PTSD and triggers. It's going to happen this summer, guaranteed. I have several concerts coming up and he'll likely be at a couple of them. UGH! I hate that we share the same music scene, but I refuse to stop going to the shows I want to see just because of him. It's easy enough to ditch him in a large crowd.

Giving into my emotions only just depletes me whenever I contact him and engage in communications with him.

I need a better strategy! But what? How? How do I handle my PTSD, the racing heart and heart palpitations whenever I see him?

I have a second interview today with New Balance... I'm praying for an offer after this.

Forever block and ignore him and if you see him out and about, Hope, pretend you can't see or hear him, as though he's completely invisible

And if he continues to try to get your attention when your at concerts and wherever else, get the security there involved and say to them he's hasstling you, security know how to remove turds

No flushing required

Yay good luck Hope

Hope the interview went well

Thanks you too! I think it went well? Hard to say.... I am praying for an offer.....

I’m their front runner!!! They want me to complete an assignment. So I don’t have an offer… not yet.