Dating After Abuse and Dealing With Life Changes

He is a terrible person and a jerk but it’s understandable that he’d not reply. If I was told to not ever contact someone and was blocked, but then the person unblocked me in order to tell that they want to make sure I leave them alone, I’d not reply. I’d be surprised if I was expected to reply. Why? You told him repeatedly to leave you alone. In general or at events, so why would you want him to reply?

I hope the event went well and you won’t get worried about him and contact him before all subsequent concerts. I think there’s no need to keep communication going. It could literally go on for the next 20 years or how many years he might attend these concerts

It likely strokes his ego that you are even concerned about him attending these concerts (how do you even know?) and contacting him about it. Keep him blocked and don’t pay attention what he’s doing or not doing. Don’t give him the satisfaction

I won't contact him before every possible encounter. That was the one and only time.

And it turned out very well! He was there initially, I saw him and he saw me, but then he quickly left the event. I feel that my text to him was a success. Not my intention for him to leave, but I was happy and comfortable for the rest of the night.

It was a boundary I set - yes, I said it once before, but he has violated that twice in the past and I did not want a repeat incident. The day before I had been filled with anxiety, feeling like a sitting duck for him to come pounce on. I felt it had to be said. And it worked, so that's a good thing.

Oh! And the cheater showed up last night - this guy I dated 5 years ago just before I met my ex husband. The guy who I believe is also a narcissist and who admitted to me that he cheats on every woman, including in his marriage. He was there.... he stood right near me and danced near me all night. It was kind of weird. He had also blocked me years ago after I had called him on the phone to talk about our relationship. I was drunk dialing, going through my first separation and wanted to talk to him for some reason. He blocked me. I think I am still blocked.

Why do you care about some guy from 5 years ago? Wasn’t your boyfriend at the event yesterday?

He’s not my boyfriend yet, but yes he was there with me. I hadn’t seen Joe in a very long time. It was a big surprise to run into him. Not a huge deal but it was weird.

So glad it was a success!

Me too!! Thanks!!

I'm experiencing happiness, joy, and inner peace again... it is SO refreshing! I no longer have to consume my thoughts with concerns about HIM.. how he's treating me, what he's doing, or how he's reacting.

This has been a LONG time coming. Since the day we were married. I wanted to leave him only days before our wedding. He fought with me on our wedding day, and I knew I was in trouble. He fought with me on our honeymoon too, and we only had sex once the entire honeymoon! I cannot believe I gave him as many chances as I did, but I suppose I needed to go through the process of breaking up and getting back together a few times in order to make it truly stick and to be able to wash my hands completely of him.

And I feel GOOD! I've now lost 20 pounds!!!! I am feeling great and much more like my old self again! My favorite clothes fit me again. I can stand to look at myself in the mirror, and I like what I see now. When I was heavy, I avoided mirrors, and I would cringe when seeing my image. And now I smile.

I feel lighter, happier and just better all around. No more drama, no more negativity, no more trauma.

This is how I am supposed to feel. And I am SO grateful.

Thank you all for helping me through so much turmoil and pain. I am immensely grateful for all the help and support I've received through this most tumultuous and confusing experience.

I'm excited. I am driving to Jay's home tomorrow, which is 2.5 hours away. We are going kayaking and possibly on his motorboat. I can't wait! I've wanted to kayak with him for a while now and we've been talking about me visiting him for several weeks. He's always come to visit me, so now it's my turn to travel to him. Seeing how he lives will give me more insight into him... I am looking forward to this.

My ex had written me an email after the tribute to our deceased friend the other night. He wrote that he got violently ill and had to leave before the show began. He mentioned one of the live videos of the show and the guy I was talking with, Jay, saying I seemed to be having a good time. So, my ex saw me in a video with Jay. I looked up the video on Facebook and found a live stream where I am dancing next to Jay and am talking to him all night.

So, there it is. My ex saw me with Jay. I am kinda glad for that? Not to make him jealous, but to let him know that I am moving on, and have moved on. And he should too.

I thought he was blocked. He is contacting you to keep communication going. This will never end.

His email is filtered, and I happened to go to the folder it's filtered to this morning to find something else, and saw it there.

I am not replying.

Good for you. It’s a bait. “Violently ill”. He wanted you to ask about that. Ugh smh.

Yep - he's so dramatic and only wants attn. It was a bait. Ugh is right. I am so done with him and his unhealthy relationship dynamics.

What I find is kinda interesting is that my ex just had to mention that he saw me talking to a guy in this email. Like he needed it to be known that he saw me with another guy.

It was another bait. He expected response and then he can keep all this going

Probably true... seems about accurate.

Holy WOW. I just had to block a woman who wouldn’t stop arguing v with me over the move-in details required by my landlord!!! She kept arguing with ME about things that the landlord surprised her with, despite the fact that the move in cost would be cheap!!!!! I can’t believe this. She wouldn’t stop so I had to block her. What is wrong with people?!?!?!

The woman/girl I am referring to above? I still cannot believe how she behaved. She wanted to argue with me over my landlord's policies, when I am not in control of those policies or the one who made them up. Why would she try to keep arguing the same points with ME about it, rather than just walk away and tell me it's not a good match?

I had to tell her after her first attempt at arguing that the door is closed. But then she chose to keep arguing with me!

Can you imagine what a nightmare roommate she would have been?!? I am in awe.

I almost forgot. Today would have been my fourth wedding anniversary. It took me several hours after waking up to realize this, lol. Guess I am forgetting about him already!

I am getting ready to head to Jay's home soon - we are kayaking today, and tonight we will build a camp fire on the lake. I can't wait! I'm excited to see how he lives.

Weird. Almost all buildings have a move-in fee. I know it's a cash grab but it's pretty standard. We have it here too, especially in buildings with an elevator.


You dodged a bullet there, as far as roommates go.

She couldn't let go of the fact that the fee came as a surprise to her... and to me, for that matter. I had explained it to her that my landlord changed the policies without informing me first. But then she had to try and argue with ME about it, as though I were in charge of those policy changes, and I wasn't. We were definitely not seeing eye to eye on this, and the fact that she continued to argue with me tells me I certainly DID dodge a bullet!

I just got back from my trip to Jay's. We had a great time!! We spent 2 hours kayaking around the lake. He then drove me around on his golf cart all over the neighborhood to show me around. Then he cooked a nice dinner for me, followed by a bonfire outside. We had a leisurely morning, then I took off to drive home. It was lovely. I drove home with a warm feeling in my heart. It felt good.

One weird thing though - it was my 4th wedding anniversary yesterday. And the last time I had been driven around in a golf cart was on my wedding day and honeymoon/vacation. So that was a bit ironic to again be driving around on a golf cart, on the day of my anniversary, but with a different man.

I did feel a bit off for the 1st couple hours of my visit. I just wasn't feeling like myself... but eventually, I snapped out of it and had a good time with Jay.

I did notice that Jay introduced me twice to two different people as his "friend". So I pointed this out to him and said that we're more than just friends... and more than just friends who are sleeping together. So he asked me what I preferred to be called, and I didn't want to say "girlfriend" - it feels too soon to be calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, but we're pretty much on that edge. So, I said I didn't know, and dropped the conversation. The last thing I want is to create pressure on this newly budding relationship and I want to let things unfold naturally.... at their own pace. I know he said he wants to take things slowly, so that's likely why I held back. But I feel we're on our way to becoming a more committed "couple".

This was the first real time since his own divorce 5 years ago that he's brought a woman to his home on the lake. He brought one "date" and she made a negative comment about the home. It's certainly modest and more like a tiny rundown but cute lake cottage. He's renting and it was supposed to just be short-term but turned into 3 years and ongoing. It' s a gorgeous spot - with the lake right there at your fingertips and a beautiful view out his living room and kitchen.

Sounds lovely!

It was, thank you!