Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old May 13, 2023, 01:08 AM
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka jesyka is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,568
My dad has never respected my boundaries most of my life. Especially since I gained weight over 20 years ago. He is a narcissist. My history: I used to be bullimic in my 20’s to my 30’s.

I stopped on my own. Him & my mom nagged me to death about my weight despite knowing that I was bullimic. They both called me fat. My dad then became sneaky by saying he’s concerned about my health & that he doesn’t want me to get diabetes.

He wouldn’t shut up with the unsolicited diet advice. I told him to please not give me unsolicited advice, but he ignored me & disrespected my boundaries.

Him & my mom didn’t mention my weight for awhile since I yelled at them & threatened to stop seeing them if they didn’t behave.

That worked for awhile. Now my dad won’t shut up about it again. So I gave him a set of rules with severe punishments. I told him that he’s cut off from email & the phone for a month.

So he he weirdo sent me a letter nagging me about my weight again under the guise of ‘concern’. I don’t have diabetes or any health issues btw. I tokd him to never wver mention my weight as it’s triggering. I even said that I started throwing up again.

He obviously didn’t care. He said nothing about that. I was so pissed that I screamed at him on the phone. He told me in the letter that maybe I calmed down now. On the phone he said that I’m being childish’, then he hung up on me! Wth?

I told him that he violated my boundaries & is banned from seeing my husband & I for the holidays. He is a monster! My husband won’t stick up for me. I told him to talk to my dad as he won’t listen to me. He said he did before & that’s just the way that he is.

So basically my husband thinks that i should tolerate his abuse! No! Hell no! Why won’t he respect my boundaries & why is he obsessed with my weight?

He is fat & has always been fat. I feel like my dad thinks that I have nothing going for me but my looks now.

Last edited by jesyka; May 13, 2023 at 03:34 AM.
Hugs from:
Bill3, Blueowl, Fuzzybear, TishaBuv

advertisement
  #2  
Old May 13, 2023, 06:47 AM
ArtleyWilkins ArtleyWilkins is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,818
Goodness. Your relationship with your father sounds incredibly difficult and painful. You may certainly need to create some boundaries with him, not as punishment for him, but as healthy living for yourself. The most difficult aspect is to hold your boundary without further engaging with him as the continual response to him is boundary weakening and appears to only create more distress. Hopefully you can also find a good therapist to help you figure out these issues with the relationships in your life. It sounds very stressful for you.
Thanks for this!
Bill3, Blueowl, jesyka
  #3  
Old May 13, 2023, 06:57 AM
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 divine1966 is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 23,196
I have very problematic dad myself. In different ways, my dad is much more passive aggressive and less in your face but it doesn’t make it easier and is a problem nonetheless. “Grey rock” is the only thing that works for me. Arguing never works

I’d not be asking your husband talking to your dad about it. That doesn’t seem like an appropriate tactic to me.

The whole thing explains why you are with your husband, sadly knowing that your dad is abusive explains why you gravitate towards same kind of men.

I’d think therapy would be very helpful. It helped me to break the cycle and not gravitate towards men like my dad. It also taught me to work on my boundaries. Some people manage it themselves but I needed a little push.
Thanks for this!
Bill3, Discombobulated
  #4  
Old May 13, 2023, 07:23 AM
NatalieJastrow NatalieJastrow is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: LA
Posts: 586
Quote:
Originally Posted by jesyka View Post
He is fat & has always been fat. I feel like my dad thinks that I have nothing going for me but my looks now.
You may need to disconnect yourself from your dad for good. I don't know what happened to some men in the 80s but I have noticed an inordinate amount of toxic families out there... with men, not respecting boundaries. My brother was this way and I dropped him. It just wasn't worth it and he hadn't changed in 50+ years.
Thanks for this!
Bill3, Blueowl
  #5  
Old May 13, 2023, 08:16 AM
Revenge Tour's Avatar
Revenge Tour Revenge Tour is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Apr 2023
Location: Michigan
Posts: 382
Oh man, can I relate. In my 30s and 40s I put on a lot of weight. My father never said anything to me directly about it but he'd make general comments (for anyone to hear) like "To lose weight, you need to eat healthy." or "Diet and exercise are key." Things like that. I'm not stupid. That was his indirect way of fat shaming me. Okay. Whatever. My father and I were never close and he died a few years ago.

Fast forward a few years and COVID hit. I made a vow to change my life. I was sick of looking and feeling like hell so I decided to do something about it (actually the entire story is in another thread I posted so I won't regurgitate it here). Long story short, I completely changed my diet and I started walking up a hill (literally) in town then finally got back into running (I ran a lot in my 20s). I started seeing results and have lost 70 pounds (with more to go). I feel better and wear clothes I haven't tried on in years. I'm starting to sound like a Jenny Craig commercial so I'll close in a sec.

My point is YOU have the power to make changes in your life. Is it easy? Nope!! I'm hungry quite often but when I step on the scale and see a lower number, it is rewarding and makes me literally more hungry to keep pressing. And not to sound mean but I'd love my father to see me now. It would be the biggest middle finger I could give him without saying a word. If I sound angry I apologize but there are some things that you just don't forget. Three benefits of weight loss.... the first is better physical health. The second is better emotional health. The third is shutting your father up.

I wish you all the best in your decisions but I hope you think about what I said. Rome wasn't built in a day as we all know.
Hugs from:
Bill3, unaluna
Thanks for this!
Blueowl, Tart Cherry Jam, unaluna
  #6  
Old May 13, 2023, 02:27 PM
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka jesyka is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,568
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins View Post
Goodness. Your relationship with your father sounds incredibly difficult and painful. You may certainly need to create some boundaries with him, not as punishment for him, but as healthy living for yourself. The most difficult aspect is to hold your boundary without further engaging with him as the continual response to him is boundary weakening and appears to only create more distress. Hopefully you can also find a good therapist to help you figure out these issues with the relationships in your life. It sounds very stressful for you.
Boundaries obviously don’t work for long with him. He is like a bratty child. He might stop for awhile longer if I make the punishments for violating my boundaries severe.

I already blocked his email for a month. And his calls. Emergency calls can be taken by my husband.

He was so nasty to me that I enforced my boundaries refusing to see him & my toxic fat shaming boundary violating mom for Thanksgiving & Christmas.

I do not want my holidays ruined & having him give me unsolicited diet & weight loss asvice then eespecially, lol. It’s like he NEEDS to control & upset me to make him feel better or in control and f life somehow, ugh!

I also am blocking him for 6 months on email & the phone. I told him his abusive letters will instantly be thrown in the recycling bin, lol 😆

I despise them. He is an abusive narcissist .He obviously doesn’t care that I started becoming bullimic again.

I made things extremely clear. I told him that if he violates my boundaries one more time, that I’m cutting them out of my life permanently!

I gave up on therapy btw. Most of them don’t care. Since nothing has changed in 30 years, then it never will.
Hugs from:
Blueowl
  #7  
Old May 13, 2023, 02:38 PM
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka jesyka is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,568
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
I have very problematic dad myself. In different ways, my dad is much more passive aggressive and less in your face but it doesn’t make it easier and is a problem nonetheless. “Grey rock” is the only thing that works for me. Arguing never works

I’d not be asking your husband talking to your dad about it. That doesn’t seem like an appropriate tactic to me.

The whole thing explains why you are with your husband, sadly knowing that your dad is abusive explains why you gravitate towards same kind of men.

I’d think therapy would be very helpful. It helped me to break the cycle and not gravitate towards men like my dad. It also taught me to work on my boundaries. Some people manage it themselves but I needed a little push.
Sorry to hear about your dad. Passive aggressive pare the worst. Therapy is a waste of time & money. Nothing has really helped much in over 20 years.

Most therapists are cold & uncaring. That’s great thar it helped you though.

I think that the only thing that works is ignoring him. Nothing works. It’s not possible to communicate with a narcissist.

They don’t care, literally. I banned him from the house,, refused to see him & my mom this Thanksgiving & Christmas & am now blocking his email & number for 6 months to severely punish him & to teach him that disrespecting me has extremely severe consequences, lol 😆

I made a list of words to never ever mention, fat, diet, weight, diabetes, health. Violation of my boundaries will result in me permanently cutting them out of my life. I didn’t do that yet because my husband forced me to interact with them.

I don’t understand why my husband expects me to just accept my dads abusive behavior.

Btw, most men suck! Most men are bad. They want to control & use women & not care about their feelings.
  #8  
Old May 13, 2023, 02:41 PM
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka jesyka is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,568
Quote:
Originally Posted by Revenge Tour View Post
Oh man, can I relate. In my 30s and 40s I put on a lot of weight. My father never said anything to me directly about it but he'd make general comments (for anyone to hear) like "To lose weight, you need to eat healthy." or "Diet and exercise are key." Things like that. I'm not stupid. That was his indirect way of fat shaming me. Okay. Whatever. My father and I were never close and he died a few years ago.

Fast forward a few years and COVID hit. I made a vow to change my life. I was sick of looking and feeling like hell so I decided to do something about it (actually the entire story is in another thread I posted so I won't regurgitate it here). Long story short, I completely changed my diet and I started walking up a hill (literally) in town then finally got back into running (I ran a lot in my 20s). I started seeing results and have lost 70 pounds (with more to go). I feel better and wear clothes I haven't tried on in years. I'm starting to sound like a Jenny Craig commercial so I'll close in a sec.

My point is YOU have the power to make changes in your life. Is it easy? Nope!! I'm hungry quite often but when I step on the scale and see a lower number, it is rewarding and makes me literally more hungry to keep pressing. And not to sound mean but I'd love my father to see me now. It would be the biggest middle finger I could give him without saying a word. If I sound angry I apologize but there are some things that you just don't forget. Three benefits of weight loss.... the first is better physical health. The second is better emotional health. The third is shutting your father up.

I wish you all the best in your decisions but I hope you think about what I said. Rome wasn't built in a day as we all know.
Sorry to hear about your dad. I know that you mean well, but this diet advice is very triggering. I mentioned that I started throwing up again.

Please do not give out sny unsolicited diet & weight loss advice again to anyone Especially to anyone with an eating or body image disorder m, thanks.
  #9  
Old May 13, 2023, 03:00 PM
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 divine1966 is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 23,196
Quote:
Originally Posted by jesyka View Post
Sorry to hear about your dad. Passive aggressive pare the worst. Therapy is a waste of time & money. Nothing has really helped much in over 20 years.

Most therapists are cold & uncaring. That’s great thar it helped you though.

I think that the only thing that works is ignoring him. Nothing works. It’s not possible to communicate with a narcissist.

They don’t care, literally. I banned him from the house,, refused to see him & my mom this Thanksgiving & Christmas & am now blocking his email & number for 6 months to severely punish him & to teach him that disrespecting me has extremely severe consequences, lol 😆

I made a list of words to never ever mention, fat, diet, weight, diabetes, health. Violation of my boundaries will result in me permanently cutting them out of my life. I didn’t do that yet because my husband forced me to interact with them.

I don’t understand why my husband expects me to just accept my dads abusive behavior.

Btw, most men suck! Most men are bad. They want to control & use women & not care about their feelings.
I don’t share an opinion about therapists not caring. Same as in every profession some do and some don’t. I am sorry you run into bad ones

Oh I don’t know if all men suck and use women. Plenty of men don’t suck and don’t use women at all.

Full estrangement isn’t always possible but you can try limiting your interactions and disengage
Thanks for this!
jesyka
  #10  
Old May 13, 2023, 05:41 PM
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka jesyka is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,568
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
I don’t share an opinion about therapists not caring. Same as in every profession some do and some don’t. I am sorry you run into bad ones

Oh I don’t know if all men suck and use women. Plenty of men don’t suck and don’t use women at all.

Full estrangement isn’t always possible but you can try limiting your interactions and disengage
Well, I have had mostly bsd luck with therapists. I only really liked one. Surprisingly she was a student therapist. She was far superior to the experienced psychotherapists, psychiatrists & whar not And very compassionate & caring. I could only have her as a therapist for a year though. We both cried during my last session.

I knew that whe truly cated about me. She liked me, she understood me & she thought I was funny too. She was brilliant & only in her 20’s.

Most men I have known suck. I have had a lot of bad luck attracting perverts in the past & just nasty crazy weird people in general.

It’s a wonder that I didn’t completely give up on everyone a long time ago. I’m on the verge of doing so these days sometimes though. I really am.

I have severely limited my interactions with my toxic gamily. I only spent an hour with them the ladt gew years at Christmas instead of having them. come over for three days on the weekend. Now I banned my idiot stubborn dad for 6 months, lol 😆
  #11  
Old May 13, 2023, 05:56 PM
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka jesyka is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,568
My dad STILl doesn’t understand why I’m upset! Maybe he does, but he doesn’t care, idk. He is a mensa genius but he has the mental capacity of a mentally challenged child when it comes to empathy & emotional intelligence!

He see’s nothing wrong with harassing me about my weight since it’s done out if ‘concerrn’. I told him many times to stop, I don’t want to hear it anymore.

He only stopped for a few years up until now. I mentioned to him in an email about how my mom would harass me about my weight growing uo. She’d call me fat.

Then he suddenly decided to start nagging & critcizing me about that despite the fact that I made it clear that I’m insecure about my weight & that I had an eating disorder that is now resurfacing again.

Nothing was said abourt that. It’s almost like it’s fine if it’ll help me loose weight, lol 😆 It’s like he’s obsessed with my weight, it’s ridiculous! Why would he not respect my boundaries when I made everything so clear?
  #12  
Old May 13, 2023, 06:13 PM
Revenge Tour's Avatar
Revenge Tour Revenge Tour is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Apr 2023
Location: Michigan
Posts: 382
Quote:
Originally Posted by jesyka View Post
Sorry to hear about your dad. I know that you mean well, but this diet advice is very triggering. I mentioned that I started throwing up again.

Please do not give out sny unsolicited diet & weight loss advice again to anyone Especially to anyone with an eating or body image disorder m, thanks.
It appears you may have misunderstood my post. I did not give out one shred of "advice". I simply shared my story to basically tell you you're not alone on a SUPPORT forum.

I'm sorry you have an eating and body image disorder. Without being too advice-ish, I wish you well.
Hugs from:
Discombobulated
Thanks for this!
jesyka
  #13  
Old May 13, 2023, 06:22 PM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,258
I feel the reason of why is because they don’t respect you as an individual apart from themselves. All you can do is firmly hold your boundaries. If they are way too toxic, especially triggering your eating disorder which is dangerous to your health, then no contact may be best for you to protect yourself.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
Thanks for this!
Blueowl
  #14  
Old May 13, 2023, 06:55 PM
Blueowl Blueowl is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Jul 2022
Location: West
Posts: 446
Your father is disrespectful. If he is fat too, then maybe he should be the first one leading by example. Unfortunately, people like that won't change. Best thing you can do it protect yourself. Too bad your husband won't stick up for you - that is not cool either.

There are good men out there, but for some reason, some feel entitled to judge without taking a good look in the mirror.
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated, jesyka, Tart Cherry Jam
  #15  
Old May 14, 2023, 01:16 AM
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka jesyka is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,568
Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I feel the reason of why is because they don’t respect you as an individual apart from themselves. All you can do is firmly hold your boundaries. If they are way too toxic, especially triggering your eating disorder which is dangerous to your health, then no contact may be best for you to protect yourself.
Thanks. They have NI respect foe me. Everything is always about them, ugh. I banned them from the house finally & now 6 months for being disrespectful about my weight. And bith Thanksgiving & Christmas are out if the question this year too.

Before I barely tolerate ld being around them for an hour. I can now breathe a sigh of relief & not endure si much stres during the holidays this year, lol 😆
  #16  
Old May 14, 2023, 01:29 AM
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka jesyka is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,568
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueowl View Post
Your father is disrespectful. If he is fat too, then maybe he should be the first one leading by example. Unfortunately, people like that won't change. Best thing you can do it protect yourself. Too bad your husband won't stick up for you - that is not cool either.

There are good men out there, but for some reason, some feel entitled to judge without taking a good look in the mirror.
True, lol. It’s funny to hiw he deluded himself into thinking that he’s ‘thin’ now, lol. He’s at least 70 or mire pounds overweight, lol 😆

He chugs a gallon of milk each night, never excercuses & yet he is this diet ‘expert’, lol!!!!

I told him that I will relentlessly nag him about diet, health food & excercise the next time we talk, lol 😆

Then maybe he’ll start to realize how annoying he was being! lol 😆 If I see him eat something unhealthy, I’ll be like, do you want to get diabetes & get fatter?

How much salt, sugar, calories, fat, carbs are in one serving? Omg, you had more than one serving!

Did you know that you just consumed 2,999 calories & half of that is saturated fat? And that you shouldn’t be eating thar as, it’s high in carbs?

Diabetes, you know! DIABETES ! Did you get checked for diabetes yet? Uncle so and so had it! And he’s dead now! He had diabetes! lol 😆 Here, put down that fork & stop eating that bread & butter! Here’s a nice healthy & sodium free leaf of lettuce! lol 😆

I’m just SO concerned for your health, especially since you’re 79 pounds overweight & old, and you don’t ever do any kind if excercise ever, lol 😆

Don’t order dessert either as, diabetes, diabetes! Diabetes! You’ll get diabetes, lol 😆

I’m so bad, huh? lol 😆
Hugs from:
Blueowl, Tart Cherry Jam
Thanks for this!
Blueowl, Tart Cherry Jam
  #17  
Old May 18, 2023, 10:46 PM
Tart Cherry Jam Tart Cherry Jam is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: California
Posts: 3,573
Since he is fat himself, I wonder if a snarky remark about him needing to lose weight to prevent diabetes would shut him up. I am not able to come up with anything creative, but I wonder if giving him a taste of his own medicine might be all that is needed at this juncture. I do not know if you would be up for that, but mentioning that fatness is men correlates with low testosterone levels which in turn correlates with impotence might get a rise from him, no pun intended. Men: Is Obesity Affecting Your Sex Life? - Obesity Action Coalition.
Thanks for this!
Blueowl, Discombobulated
  #18  
Old May 19, 2023, 07:31 AM
Discombobulated's Avatar
Discombobulated Discombobulated is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,873
I wonder if he isn’t projecting his own issues onto you.
Thanks for this!
Bill3, Blueowl, Tart Cherry Jam
  #19  
Old May 22, 2023, 12:18 AM
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka jesyka is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,568
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tart Cherry Jam View Post
Since he is fat himself, I wonder if a snarky remark about him needing to lose weight to prevent diabetes would shut him up. I am not able to come up with anything creative, but I wonder if giving him a taste of his own medicine might be all that is needed at this juncture. I do not know if you would be up for that, but mentioning that fatness is men correlates with low testosterone levels which in turn correlates with impotence might get a rise from him, no pun intended. Men: Is Obesity Affecting Your Sex Life? - Obesity Action Coalition.
I should have nagged & critcized him relentlessly about his weight too! I’ll start giving him unsolicited diet advice when the 6 month email ban I imposed for disrespecting me us over, lol!

I should have done this a long time ago! So far my more severe punishment is working, lol 😆
Hugs from:
Tart Cherry Jam
Thanks for this!
Tart Cherry Jam
  #20  
Old May 22, 2023, 12:23 AM
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka jesyka is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,568
Quote:
Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
I wonder if he isn’t projecting his own issues onto you.
Maybe he is projecting his issues onto me. It’s also about control as he is a huge control freak. He also thinks that I have nothing to offer anyone but my look’s probably. He rarely compliments me on anything anymore.

He is also a sexist pig who thinks that women need to look a certain way. He thinks that wimen should wear dresses, no makeup, no nail polish except for clear nail polish, have no tattos, no colored hair or piercings, not dress in provocative clothing or anything grungy, etc…

He is an a$$hole. I can’t wait until he dies! Same with my insane mom & sister! I despise my whole family! They are all evil abusers!
Hugs from:
Blueowl
  #21  
Old May 22, 2023, 08:39 PM
Tart Cherry Jam Tart Cherry Jam is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: California
Posts: 3,573
Quote:
Originally Posted by jesyka View Post
I should have nagged & critcized him relentlessly about his weight too! I’ll start giving him unsolicited diet advice when the 6 month email ban I imposed for disrespecting me us over, lol!

I should have done this a long time ago! So far my more severe punishment is working, lol 😆
You did a very good job ^, especially with offering him a sodium-free piece of lettuce. Do it for real. Maybe you will then not wish your dad dead.
  #22  
Old May 25, 2023, 09:12 AM
Discombobulated's Avatar
Discombobulated Discombobulated is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,873
I had a little think about your post Jesyka, and although my parents aren’t unkind or rude to me like yours sadly are, I feel some parallel. My parents had a hard time letting go of us, they’d express unsolicited opinions and I can understand how frustrating that feels. I’d say I was well in my 40s before I fully realised the situation and recognised what was happening and why so many pleasant catch ups became fraught and left me rattled.

My dad still sometimes seems to think if he repeats something enough it’ll be true.

You’re right, it’s a boundary issue, your parents need to understand you’re a grown woman who makes her own choices. Some people on here have written he won’t change. I’m not so sure, he may not turn around completely but there are ways of learning a lesson.

I read you’ve given him an email ban, I presume you explained why, so he knows how he’s affected you and what the result is.

With my dad now, I am at a place where I can calmly state my truth, that our opinions differ and that’s okay, not everyone is the same. I think it annoys him possibly (he likes to win and will argue!) but the important thing is for me to stay calm and keep consistent. Dynamics in midlife with elderly parents take on a new twist for many of us.

However you’ve said some strong stuff about him, so how you feel about your relationship in the future is maybe the most important thing for you. Do you feel like you want to try to make it work or are you at the point where it’s not something you want. That’s a big one and not something anyone else can influence you on.

Hugs.
Hugs from:
Bill3, Fuzzybear
Thanks for this!
Bill3
  #23  
Old May 27, 2023, 02:01 AM
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka jesyka is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,568
Quote:
Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
I had a little think about your post Jesyka, and although my parents aren’t unkind or rude to me like yours sadly are, I feel some parallel. My parents had a hard time letting go of us, they’d express unsolicited opinions and I can understand how frustrating that feels. I’d say I was well in my 40s before I fully realised the situation and recognised what was happening and why so many pleasant catch ups became fraught and left me rattled.

My dad still sometimes seems to think if he repeats something enough it’ll be true.

You’re right, it’s a boundary issue, your parents need to understand you’re a grown woman who makes her own choices. Some people on here have written he won’t change. I’m not so sure, he may not turn around completely but there are ways of learning a lesson.

I read you’ve given him an email ban, I presume you explained why, so he knows how he’s affected you and what the result is.

With my dad now, I am at a place where I can calmly state my truth, that our opinions differ and that’s okay, not everyone is the same. I think it annoys him possibly (he likes to win and will argue!) but the important thing is for me to stay calm and keep consistent. Dynamics in midlife with elderly parents take on a new twist for many of us.

However you’ve said some strong stuff about him, so how you feel about your relationship in the future is maybe the most important thing for you. Do you feel like you want to try to make it work or are you at the point where it’s not something you want. That’s a big one and not something anyone else can influence you on.

Hugs.
Sorry to hear about your dad too. Ar least he’s not as bad as mine us. Mine is a nasty narc! He is a lost cause.
Hugs from:
Bill3, Discombobulated
Reply
Views: 1603

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
weight issues depressedbutterfly Eating Disorders 1 Jul 23, 2015 01:46 AM
I Had Weight Issues julit Exercise & Weight Loss 6 Sep 17, 2014 10:51 AM
Weight issues jenna25brown New Member Introductions 6 Jul 22, 2014 04:19 PM
weight issues.... countrymusicgurl Health Forum 8 Jul 27, 2008 07:20 PM
weight issues.... countrymusicgurl Other Mental Health Discussion 0 Jul 24, 2008 04:16 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:50 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.