not feeling so good right now

My husband and I had a fight this morning. I don't even know what it was about. I know I was angry and he was angry and I know that I said two bad things. One was calling him a jerk or something like that. The other was saying something like fine don't come back. I don't really remember anything he said except "don't talk to me".

He left for work without a word and hasn't called all day. Usually if we have an argument or anything he'll still say goodbye or he'll call sometime and we'll make up.

Part of me wants him to not show up tonight. But that would also suck for a number of reasons.

I wonder what's going to happen. I'm sick of fighting and making up and fighting again. It would be different if we fought about something but it is about nothing at all.

((((unpredictable)))) I hope everything turns out okay

Unpred, I'm sorry you guys had a fight, I hope you talk it out or make up or feel better about it soon. Good thing you two have started working on it!

He ended up texting me and apoligized and I apoligized too. He came home and was nice. I just hate that it happens at all. I don't understand how it can seem so bad and then he can just get over it so fast like nothing happenend. Or how I can feel better too. Its not like there was an actual argument that was resolved or anything.

(((unpredictable)))

My husband and I fight and bicker constantly. We're both strong willed and opinionated people. And yes, sometimes we argue over nothing. But we always apologize, and we try hard not to be defensive around each other. We've both grown along the way. And we've learned that sometimes it's best to just let it go. All the fighting hasn't diminished how much we love each other. It's just made us more determined to make it work.

It's okay to feel better. You've forgiven each other. That's always a reason to feel better. If the fighting starting to happen more often, maybe you two should sit down and have a talk. Maybe one or both of you are frustrated about something, and it's coming out in the place where you two are most vulnerable- your relationship with each other. \

It can't hurt to try.

I'm so sorry. Fights are tough.

There have been quite a few nights when he is late getting home from work that I honestly think he may never walk in that door again. Scares the crap out of me.

Thanks for sharing this. I'm so glad it worked out. Every couple fights, but there are ways to resolve issues that can feel a lot healthier. We had to learn how to do it from a counselor and it takes practice. Sometimes we forget, but we always have it to come back to.

Also, through this technique, I've learned that my perceptions can be wrong. Go figure.

I'm going to share a precious gift with you.

It involves taking the emotion out of the communication. First we signal each other by saying, "I have an issue." That lets the other one know to sit and listen. It isn't too threatening, because we know it works.

Then we say what we experienced through our senses, such as, I heard you say ..., or I saw you do....

Then, and this is the most important element, we say what we thought when we saw or heard that. "I saw you throw your clothes on the floor and I thought, 'He doesn't respect me.'"

Then, we ask for what we need, such as, I need you to put your clothes in the hamper."

There's also a time to talk about if there's history with this issue. Also, there's a time to invent a key word or signal to let the other person know something's going on.

We're not perfect with it, but it's kept us together. Maybe you can find someone to teach this to you. Best wishes.

Finding ways to communicate "feelings" without hurting feelings is one of the human challenges..

I applaud your efforts and have taken something away with your post.

Thank you.

Lenny