[numb1]

Hi,
I'm new to this site, but very thankful that I found it. I have been trying to get a hold of a counsellor
from my owork and have not had any luck in the last 3 days.

I'm married with a child (7 yrs old). I have been married for almost 10 years.
3 years ago, I did something I probably shouldn't have. Sometimes I wish I hadn't. I was pregnant and
wierd things started happening...anyway to make a long story short I checked my husbands cell phone bill
and found that he had been calling "massage parlours" and women who's numbers were in the classifieds as
"adult entertainment". Shortly thereafter I confronted my husband and told him that I knew he had gone to
one of these places. Initially he denied it. I pressed on and he confessed that he had gone twice for a "massage".
As I do not know the extent of what happens at these places I asked. He assured me that the do not have
intercourse with you at these places, but that they do do oral and manual stimulation. He told me he indulged
in the manual. At that time, I had a young child and was not married for long (and was younger) adn was quick
to blame myself for this and therefore worked through this with him. I did not tell him how I had discovered this.
He was/is under the impression that someone saw him going in.

Everythings been ok until now. Recently I have been getting annoyed at how attached to his cell phone he is.
I did another check. Only not from bills, from the phone itself as this is a new phone and now I don't get the bills.
His employer does. Anyway, turns out he's calling again.

He called a massage parlour that is minutes from his work (visit on lunch?). He is also calling prostitutes. What
also concerns me is that he is calling a particular kind of prostitute. When I say particular, I mea as far as nationality goes.
A nationality of which, by the way, I am not.
I feel as though there is no hope for us. I have been thinking about what I should do...leave, or stay. Is he a sex-addict?
I don't understand. Our sex life is not great, but my sex drive is high. I don't initiate it as he once told me he was too tired
and I felt humiliated. I just don't initiate it anymore. I can barely look or speak to him and he is at an absolute loss (or so it seems)
as to what is wrong. I don't want to say anything until I've spoken to someone though. I'm have however, taken up drinking every night so that I can get though
this, and rid yself of the pain. I suppose so that I can talk to him also. I now don't believe that he did not see a prostitute. I don't know if
he's just calling them to get cheap thrills or not though.

I feel like hell. My whole body feels like its weeping, but numb at once. I feel as though I am in shock. I want to leave, but then think of what this will do to my daughter. And our lives in general. Its not a pretty thought. I'm scared. At the same time, I want to leave. Some advice? Anyone? Sorry to have gone on for so long...

[misty]

Welcome numb1!
This is very hard; your post hit some hurts in me. Just want you to know I do understand. I want to tell you to run for the hills and don't look back but I never could. Please if nothing else trust your own gut. Being unfaithful is being unfaithful and it's not just full sexual contact that is being unfaithful. We are not to blame for others actions!!!
Hope you do not give up on getting a counselor.
mlyn

[Wants2Fly]

I understand how you feel. When Hillary Clinton learned -- I think from a media report -- about Monica Lewinsky, she writes in her autobiography that she felt like she "couldn't breathe." I know that feeling. I imagine you know it, or something very similar.

This is a hard situation. Your husband needs counseling, and I hope you will be able to work through this together.

[WHISPER]

Hello and Welcome,
I am sooo sorry you are going through this. I myself know what it is like! My did a 3 some with an esscort and a co worker. Feel free to email any time. Just try not to let him turn this around on you like mine did! He at one point had me thinking that i was loosing my mind.

whisper

[cocoa]

(((((((((((((((((((((((numb1)))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry for your pain!
Just remember, your child may be right in the middle of all of this even if you think not. Kidds are so smart and you don't want to hurt the little one with fighting. Its hard to build trust when that trust keeps being broken.
I think love is a great thing but with out the trust what is left. He's had a second chance already. Boy, i hope you make the right choice on what to do, for you and your child. Its a hard one!

Best of luck
Jacqui

[numb1]

I want to thank you all for reading my post and for responding so kindly. Its good to know I'm not alone in this. I don't feel I can talk to anyone because I fear it will reflect badly on me. I know this is not the case, but I suspect thats some people would this is a result of my flaws. Last night he came home and asked me whats wrong. I didn't want to talk about it until seeing a therapist, so I told him of my intention to do so. He then said "you're not going to leave me, are you?" to which I responded "I don't know". I think this hit him like a ton of bricks.
Now I'll cut to the chase, he fessed up and asked me if I had heard about sexual addiction, and told me he has a problem. He apparantly doesn't want out of the marriage and desperately wants help (so he says). its not that I don't believe him, but life is long, and I fear relapse.Anyway, I guess we're off to a start. I did tell him that I saw going to go to a doctor to get checked out and he assured me that thats not necessary-no intercourse. His problem is with porn (internet) and the massage parlours. He told me he calls the prostitutes but has never seen one. I'm not happy, but I am relieved to some degree, that he told me about it. He is glad its out in the open. I guess I should be mad, but I actually feel badly for him. Maybe I'm a sucker, but I guess I do love him and our life. Still haven't decided if I'm able to live with this or not, hopefully therapy will help me. Feels like a really bad dream, yes breathing is difficult. On the upside, I have lost weight. Talk soon, thanks again.

[shakes]

A woman's instinct is a strong thing...you had a feeling and when you checked his bills you were right in doing so. Although you might feel bad about spying on him think about how long this would have continued without you knowing.
I think that this is not a good situation for you to be in. If your husband is doing this even after he is aware that you know then he obviously does not respect you or your marriage.
Please think of your own happiness because that is all that is important. Counseling is always an option but it will only work if your husband wants to make a change into his life.
We will be here for you.

Jessica