Do you have delayed reactions...

Nah, Tomi just ask him how long he's been married to Jerry so you can get it right, then then put a roses stem where it counts

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nothemama8 said:
Nah, Tomi just ask him how long he's been married to Jerry so you can get it right, then then put a roses stem where it counts

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">LMAO Nothemama! I suspect that would shut him down right away.

SM - My sister had a problem with a man at work who called her names and put her down for no apparent reason. It always caught her off guard and hurt her feelings, so she was too consumed to think of a response in order to protect herself.

The next time he yelled at her, she stood her ground and refused to show any fear or pain. She glared directly into his eyes and asked him calmly "Why are you so mean to me?" - then held her gaze on him until he answered. He answered truthfully. He didn't like the sound of her voice (said it was too loud and "shrill").

My sis and I had a good laugh over that one - blamed it on mom, lol. My sister had to endure years of opera lessons at mom's insistance, and she was programmed to belt it out. When her emotions are running high or if she's very passionate about something, the volume automatically goes up.

My sis and that man were able to work it out. She explained her voice training and agreed to try her best to keep a check on her volume. So far, that man has been very courteous towards her - even when she's loud.

I never think of somthing to say at the time however after I do except for one occasion when I was already angry lol.....

I was at the hospital with my son ( who had all sorts of problems from OCD to ADHD ) when this woman I knew from his school came up to me in the accident and emergncy room with her daughter from my sons class, she said 'my daughter just said oh mummy look its that naughty boy from my class' I replied really fast that my son had said 'oh look mummy there is that ugly girl from my class'.

You sould of seen her face it was a picture lol.

You suppose maybe we need to be more aware of when people cross our boundaries so that we can call a halt to it right away? What is it that makes people think they can say hurtful things to others just because? As far as I could tell, he wasn't in a bad mood when he called me "lard butt." Even so, it's just not right!

That would be a good one but I think it would just go over his head. He's probably reacting to his own feelings if anyone talked to him like that. But I'm not talking to HIM, I'm talking to my husband who's asked me to tell him point blank what it is I want him to do!

The rose stem would be a good idea, too. He usually wears elastic waisted pants of short, but... I'd have to go looking for the front of his pants because it's hidden under his gut!!

Some people! I swear!

I WISH I had delayed reactions. I over-react to everything emotional & end up feeling really embarrassed & then want to isolate myself more & feel like I'm not fit to go out in public.

Exp.--started crying at dinner with a bunch of other couples after playing mixed doubles when one guy made a sexual joke that triggered me. Everyone was laughing & I started crying & my husband had to take me home. I can just imagine what those people think of me...

If I could "hold in" my emotions & not display them at the moment like that I'd feel less weird.

But I really have never had anyone be as rude to me as this guy was. No way would I ever even be around him again if he spoke to me like that, but you sound like a stronger person than I am. More able to say "I won't take this crap." I'd just feel like dying if someone spoke to me like that.--Suzy

LMBO Yeah, this guy's problem is basically personal, I think. I heard him tell a neighbor not too long ago that he doesn't like to be told what to do. Heck! I don't either! So he's projecting his feelings onto my husband. Maybe that's why he's been calling me names and telling me how to talk to my husband. Well, it's not HIM that's been married to my man for over 30 yrs! I'll have to reming him of that.

Hubby said he was going to tell him that his and my relationship is none of his business, but I'd like to point out the neighbor's mistake just to underline the fact that even if he thinks he does, he DOESN'T know it all. Maybe I'll mention that he is the one who is divorced and I've been with the same man for over 30 yrs. LOL

Oh well then Tomi don't say anything hurt full just tell him Hey if ya know so much about marriages what happened with yours, then ask if he needs a girdle for his gut hahahahahahaha

I could offer him one of my old girdles (that I don't have). With my luck he'd accept it and then I'd be stuck for getting him one!

Had two of my babies over night then the other sibling and their parents from noon on so I didn't get to talk to him today. It's acomin', though! It's acomin'! ggggrrrrrrrr

Suzy, I was spoken to that way, among other things, for over 12 yrs. Like a dummy, I went ahead and married the jerk because I believed him when he said that if he didn't love me, he wouldn't tease me like that. Yeahright!!

I sure don't believe it now. I know that it's verbal abuse. That is what makes me wonder why I can't think to say something when it happens.

Maybe your husband needs to explain to the couples that saw you get triggered what happened and why without going into too many details. Maybe the joker won't joke about sexual matters anymore. That's crude, anyway! I'm sorry that your evening was ruined.

I don't know how old you are, but you get a tougher crust as you get older.

Septembermorn: I'm 54 so I guess my "crust" hasn't matured yet. I am going to do an intake for a DBT group & see if that will be helpful in getting me to not react so strongly to triggers.--Suzy

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Suzy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I've only got 10 yrs on you. Don't know if that has anything to do with it, but you're wise in getting help. I wish you only the best. Let me know how it goes, ok?

I believe some people are just genuine good people and don't go around being prepared to deal with insults. You must expect the best out of others.

In order to have a quick reaction, that means you would have to constantly act like a boxer in a ring and always get ready to dodge your oponent's next punch. You are a good person, please don't change just so you can have a quick reaction.

Your neighbor has a sad soul, you can't change that, but you can be proud of who you are.

Gee!... Um... WOW Thanks, Dunnit! I think I'm basically a good person... and that's why I know I don't deserve that kind of treatment. I'd like to be quick enough to let any given person know that I won't take it but not necessarily put them down with my response. Just a simple "I don't accept being spoken to that way" would do. I just don't get it out.

((((((((((((( Septi )))))))))))))))

Even if you can't get out what you would want to in the moment...how about an easy come back like "And your point is????"

Folks will either back away from that kind of a comment because they stop and think about how ridiculous they sounded or they will expand on their comment, giving you more time to come up with your snappy comeback


sabby

Yes, sometimes having a good "comeback" means that you are stooping to his level. Do you really want to return insult for insult? I figure I am a better person than that & try to rise above it, but I do avoid those kinds of people, for sure--I don't hang around with people who feel the need to insult me.--Suzy