Hurt by a

I was hurt by an email from a friend yesterday (no one here) and I didn't respond, at all. It wasn't "abusive" in any way but it did hurt. It felt rejecting although I don't think it was meant that way. I recognise that as my stuff and I'm not responding, at all.

How do you deal with issues like this?

(((((((((( Fuzzy )))))))))))

If I were to get a hurtful e-mail, the way I'd handle it would be not to reply back, if the person who sent it, later e-mails you again, wondering why you made no reply, tell them you were hurt.
But if they do not e-mail me anymore, I'd have to avoid them, so I don't set myself up for more hurt.
Now, that's just my own opinion, based on being deeply hurt by a former "T", needless to say it was all in the past and I disciplined myself, though it hurt, not to ever e-mail that arrogant ******* ever again.
Some people enjoy being sadistic I suppose, some even love targeting those with sensitive hearts.
Try to distance yourself from such people.
Just my own feelings and opinion.

I have to disagree. I think open communication in life is very important. If your friend doesn't know she/he hurt you then how will that resolve anything? You already said you don't think it was meant the way you took it. I would respond and let them know the comments made hurt your feelings then let them have the next word. ignoring stuff like that never helps in the long run.

Hard as it is, I have to agree with Be. Take as many deep breaths as you need, then email back and say, "I know this may not be the way you meant it, but this is how it came across to me." Chances are you'll find it's a big misunderstanding. And if it's not, then you know to avoid that person from now on.

((((Fuzzy)))))

I think ignoring it is best. If you're pretty sure she didn't mean it the way you took it, then why add that to your suffering? I'm sorry you were hurt, but by now putting it aside, you can move on. Working to discern this type of thing earlier and earlier will help prevent hurt in the future, from anything someone says. Deciding if it's all about you, or if it's all about them can help! Either way, you have control then.

If I were to receive such an email, and was hurt, I'd file it away or mark it as unread, and come back and read it later when I'm up to it.... leaving it alone in my mind in the meantime. Then, when it's no longer raw, reread it and try to figure out what they might be saying. Then, delete it. Not having it there to remind me is a good trick Whether I respond or not is up to what decision I had made about the email...if they were being hurtful, why give them anymore of your time and energy? If they weren't being hurtful, then respond in a better way than they emailed...hey, they may be having a bad time of it themselves and just didn't phrase something correctly.



PS I have a sil who sends those miserable pass-it-along-or-else type emails... I've begged her not to, all she has to do is remove me from that blast list so now, I might open them or not.. sometimes I even read them and then??? I hit the delete.

again i have to agree with bebop and candybear, even thou the email you recieved hurt your feeling, the sender doesnt know that..... i think you have to reply and explain that some of the comments in the email upset/hurt you. its the only way your friend will know.
i know its hard but i feel its the only way to point out the fact you got hurt.
((((((((((((fuzzy)))))))))))))))

I agree with the communication part of all this. If the email was not blatantly hurtful....then the only way to come to terms with what you are feeling is to get communicating about it! How else do we learn to work through our emotions and feelings about what others have said, that we may have taken the wrong way than to communicate about it??

Misunderstandings happen all the time with the written word. There are so many variables that come into play and without seeing the facial expressions, body language and tone of voice, it's sometimes hard to know exactly what the person is trying to convey and why.

Learning to process through our emotions can be tricky. I believe that communication helps in that regard, unless the communication from the other person is blatantly hurtful.

(((((((((((((((((((((( fuzzywuzzybearzy ))))))))))))))))))))))))))


sabby

I try to delay any possible action until I can analyze the situation and my feelings. It often takes me a while to figure out what to do that is reasonably satisfactory to me.

If it had been me, I would walk away and read it again. If I still found it hurtful I too would reply with "I'm sure this isn't what you meant, but..." I need closure, otherwise it would bother me forever. Since it was a friend I'd like to think it was just a miscommunication.

Had I been the author, I would like my friend to ask me what was going on. Sometimes I'm distracted or in a hurry and perhaps the way I verbalize something in that state comes out differently than I intended it.

(((((Fuzzy)))))))
Ask the person what she/he meant in the email. There's nothing wrong with being assertive. I'm sorry you were hurt, though! I hope you get it settled. Take care.

If it's my stuff, I acknowledge it but then let it go and behave to the other person as if there is no problem/normally or acknowledge their comment (if it's about me at all) and move on with the relationship.

If someone is giving me information about myself ("sometimes you are hard to be around") then I just do an "I know" response and try to cool those sorts of things that are difficult for the other person :-) or, if I'm in an okay place I ask for specifics so I can work on them. If it is just that the other person is doing something else and doesn't have time for me or something like that, I acknowledge my sadness that I wish they were available to myself and then find something else or to do/occupy myself with or someone else to play with :-)

But like pachyderm says, I analyze the situation and see what's going on with me, whether it is in fact my stuff or not and then figure out what to do from there. I think posting here at PC is a good thing to do in that situation.

In my own exp., I tend to take on too much blame for such experiences, wondering what I did, and then what I could DO to alleviate the situation. Often, there is nothing you can or should do. Often it has nothing to do you YOU, but the other person, and I have to agree with Sky here, that one must learn to discern.
I was raised to always dismiss my own voice, my own rights, and have spent a lifetime doing so, accommodating people who cared little for me or my feelings.
Yeah, I might respond to the friend who was hurtful, asking why, but this might also open up more hurt. Try to decide if it's worthwhile for you before doing so.
Patty

Thank you all, you've all helped! And things are ok now (it was some of my "old scripts" interfering..... )

I'm glad you've got it all straightened out!

Yes Fuzzy, ask the person.

I agree with Sabby.

If it's hurtful, and you know it was intentional, than you can avoid the person, and it would probably do you a favor.

If it wasn't meant to be hurtful, and the person was having a hard time, you can release the hurt you feel.

Sometimes though, we do hurt those we care about. It's because we are hurting.

Like an injured beloved pet, when their sore spot is touched, either because we don't know something is wrong, or they have pain there and we forgot, the pet will swipe you - it will howl, whatever it takes to get the person away from the source of their pain.

Or they are swiping, howling or hissing, having a good old time for a simple reason like play.

If it were a beloved pet, we would find out.

If it's a dear friend, we want to find out.

love,
night

oops... a day late and a quarter short.

glad all is well.

(((((((((((((( nightbird ))))))))))))))