Feeling so overwhelmed and messed up

I'm so depressed I can't smile anymore at all and I can't stop crying. I'm really lonely and I'm stuck in a situation I just want to get out of but there's no way out and it's crushing me.
I love my boyfriend, so much... I'd do anything for him, I think the world of him and he makes me unbelievably happy when we're together. But, it's a long distance relationship most of the time because he's at university 300 miles away in a different country! It's killing me... it hurt to start with but no it's so much worse... I REALLY love him and I'm so unhappy without him. I know I have two options: 1. Keep the relationship going and just hang on another two yeas for the 'chance!' I may see a lot more of him or 2. Break up with him

But I can't... I can't break up with him because I love him so much, but the hurt is killing me, I cry every day, I'm so lonely and I hate the fact that when he's home or when I'm with him I'm happy and the problems I have are easier to deal with.
I just HATE, really hate that I'm hurting loads either way. I'm struggling so much right now and noone understands. I feel so alone.
I can guess that some of you may say "leave him and yes you'll hurt but in time you will get over him"... but I won't. I know that because I love him so much and I don't even have any friends to help me through it.
Others will say "but if you love him so much you'll wait for him"... I want to wait for him. I just hurt too much, and it's physical hurt every day.
I'm a mess... this is just one problem to throw on top of all the other problems that have made me depressed in the first place.
I don't even know what I expect to get out of posting this, I don't know

Sorry guys if anyone read all that,
Molly

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supermansgirlfriend said:
I know I have two options: 1. Keep the relationship going and just hang on another two yeas for the 'chance!' I may see a lot more of him or 2. Break up with him


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I know its hard to be away from the ones we love Molly...believe me..time and space has separated me from souls that are deeply important to me...and I'm sure that most of us here wish we could close gaps and be in the company of someone...

But sometimes we can't.

I think you have far more than two options Molly...how bout this one...set a goal for your self in these two years..maybe learn a new language or a new skill...and take on a part time job and save up the money for a surprise visit in a few months...time flys or at least moves along a bit faster when we have goals and are busy...

We are here in the meantime..

Lenny

Can you get out of your current environment for a day or two - to think? - Or try the famous Pros and Con List and see which is the winner.

Hang in there

Hey Molly,
I'm really sorry you're feeling this way, especially since I can relate to what you're feeling having been there myself. I'm also in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend is in Germany right now studying abroad (I live on the east coast, USA), so Ive had to do a lot of adjusting to that. When he's at school regularly, he's in the midwest. So basically, he's almost always no less than 17 hours away from me. And call us crazy, but we've been doing it for almost 2 and a half years. It's been really hard lately, though, since he's 6 hours ahead of me, and has a pretty busy social life, while I"m in our hometown, without a ton of friends or a whole lot to do, so I've been feeling pretty lonely and anxious. My anxiety would manifest itself if jealousy and making up outrageous stories in my head about what he was doing, none of which were true. My doctor's actually changed my medication to help deal with the anxiety, so a lot of those symptoms have gone away. I'm also taking an online course and some ballet classes to help with the overwhelming amount of down time I have until my college stars up again in September. But, what I really wanted to suggest for you was to not look at things so black and white -- "I have to break up or I have to put up" which isn't fair to either of you. I hope you're seeing a therapist to help with your depression. And what would really help you would be to find something that you enjoy (I know that's hard when you're depressed!) to take up some of your time and to help take your mind off of him some. The thing is you can't sit and let your feelings stew. I know the world is bleak to you right now. But dont let his love for you be in vain -- he wants you to be happy. If things continue this way, he might start to feel that he can't make you happy and break up with you (thats what happened with my current. Luckily for us, he realized he was willing to put more effort into our relationship than he had been doing the first time around and came back, but not before 6 months of no communication). Join some sort of club or take up a hobby or sport or a class or something. You just need to get out of the house!! Please feel free to PM if you want to discuss anything more -- I've found hearing other people talk about their long distance relationships and seeing that they've gone through similar things (and stayed together!) really helpful. Everyone at PC is here to help everyone, so dont worry about taking up our time, either!

Best of luck!
Ro

My exbf and I don't live in the same country and we were so much willing to work things out. It's about being contented and really giving verbal assurances to each other every now and then. My exbf always calls me on my mobile phone at least twice a day, and we would talk for hours even if we're so tired... just so it'll ease the loneliness we're feeling 'cause of the distance. But I think mobile phone calls are pretty expensive (my exbf doesn't mind his bills lol). Have you tried talking on Skype (skype.com)? It's free and all you need is a mic+speakers.

The important thing is that both feelings are mutual. If you love him so much and if he loves you as well, don't you think that's very good already? You miss him, heck he misses you too! I really suggest talking to each other daily on Skype. It'll ease some of your loneliness. ;]

<font color="purple">Clandestine</font>

Thanks guys

Thanks Lenny, maybe I am restricting myself with two options, but when I'm hurting so much it only seems like there are two. I am trying to get myself a job and I've enrolled on a First Aid for Children course, but that isn't until September. I am looking for other things to do too, it's just making that final push of picking up the phone or calling in (or turning up!)... I've lost a lot of confidence since I got depressed. Last week I started canoeing, although that's only once a week. My main problem is through the day every week day. I'm on my own and I'm very lonely and being lonely and on my own gives me time to think I guess, think of negative things.
You managed to put a smile back on my face, at least for now, thank you.

Thanks Goldmine, getting away isn't an option. And the pros and cons list, I don;t really want to do, because I KNOW there are more pros than cons... the only con is that I'm hurting a hell of a lot.

Thank you Ro, I struggle to think how I would cope in your situation, my boyfriend is 300 miles away when he's at university and when he's at home he's 60 mile away (although it only takes an hour for him to drive down), I would really struggle if I were to see him less than I do. I'm not seeing a therapist, I was but it didn't go so well and I ended up getting more and more anxious and worked up about going and it didn't help. I do see my old high schools social worker though. She's very helpful and supportive. I've never talked to her about my relationship though.

Clandestine, I do have Skype and we used to talk on there. He's just been so busy lately he hardly talks to me, he only seems to want to talk when it suits him too, so I tend to talk to him when it's convenient for him otherwise we don't get to talk. Thanks.

Thanks again guys, Molly