[crzygrll1]

So I just recently got out of a six year relationship with my daughters father. The relationship was an extreme.y unhealthy one, as he was very abusive and controlling. After we split he left with about 600$ of my money he was supposed to pay the bills with leaving me with no car insurance and a high shut off notice from the electric company. He refuses to have any contact with me or my daughter, as well as not paying any child support either. I have to work 7 days a week to catch up on bills because he did all of this. My daughter stays up all night most nights crying for her dad and I don't know what to do for her, she is only 4. I know I did the right thing getting out of a relationship with a man who has these capabilities, but as for consoling my daughter I have no idea what to do for her. My anxiety is through the roof. And honestly at this point if he did contact us I don't know how civil I could be toward him.

[tat2doc]

Gee, wish I knew what to tell you but I'm sure time will heal things. Have faith and know that we're all wishing you the best...

[thelostone]

as far as your daughter goes, reassure her as best you can that her daddy still loves her and it is not her fault that he is not there. and look into child support enforcement services in your area. they can help to track him down and make him pay support. if he does contact you, as long as he is not abusive, you need to do your best to be civil in front of your daughter. children tend to think things are their fault. hopes this helps some, i know it is hard, but your daughters well being needs to be your first priority.

lost

[vetswife]

Hopefully he'll cool down and be there for his daughter.

I and my ex-husband get along great and I think it's made a big difference in raising our son. We talk, both stick to discipline (from house to house), we sit next to each other at ball games.

It wasn't like this at first. When you first break up it's hard to be civil, but you've got to try especially for your daughter. My ex was physically abusive, I've had my share of black eyes and bloody noses. When you have children involved you have to look beyond your hurt for the best interest of your child.

Hug your daughter a lot and re-asure her that her Daddy still loves her.

Try to talk to him about seeing her, explain to him how hurt she is. Write him a letter, you can get your true feeling on paper, a verbal discussion usually leads in a heated argument. You can get everything "out" on paper. And stick to subject (your daughter), you have to put your feeling aside.

Maybe you can have her drawl him a picture. Help her write a letter in her hand writting (I know that would be hard but you can guide her in what letters to write). Tell her he's away right now and you'll send it to him. And really send it to him. I think it would be good for the both of them.

I have been through two kinds of divorces.

1. My parents; bad divorce, it was nasty, to make a long story short, my brother and sister have drug problems and I think we all have some kind of emotional issues. My husbands and his ex are very uncivilized and it shows in there son, he's also 11 like my son. Their son has a lot of behavior and emotional problems.

2. I and my ex-husbands; My son is a very happy 11 year old. We've been divorced since my son was 2.

It makes a BIG difference in the childs life and who your child becomes.

Child support is a whole other issue. I also work this out with him, we came to a verbal agreement. When you are dealing with money, emotions can be raw. Don't try to suck every last penny out of him, he has to survive too. If you are compationat about his survival too then he will be more willing to support his daughter (finantialy and emotionaly). My way of think with child support is very unconventional.

I'm really sorry this was so long!

Good luck and if you have any question don't hesitate to ask.

[pceric]

your main concern is for your little girl.atleast I hope she is.the money the bills car ins.work are all things that matter and affect you.A 4 yr old cant understand what would be material issues.no matter how important.
What she does understand is that the dad in her life is gone.And she misses him so much she hurts physicaly inside.Its going to be this way for atleast a year.If it comes down to her never seeing him again
.After that (1yr -1 1/2) she will eventully get over it and be ok.
Hopefully this doesnt happen to her again.
I have no idea how this will play.Dont put you or her in harms way ..
You know whats best for her .No matter how sad she is.
I have no way of knowing ,but want to think and (feel)...He treated her like dads are supposed to do.Creating the bond between them.Now the pain caused by the loss.
I raised a little girl from 3mos, to 3 years.I wasnt her father.But to her I was dad.Her mother (a coke addict) left me during and causing circumstances very simalar to yours.Shut off notices credit card forgery.I had to file bankruptcy.I for a long time missed the little girl.Even though she wasnt mine technicly i was still very sad and upset .Missing her very very much.She was devastated.I got a call from the mother a couple months later.I could hear her in the background yelling at her mother .She wanted to see me.She said she didnt think that she would be affected like this.I didnt speak ,then she said oh what the use and hung up.6mos maybe more .I get a phone call at work .its the grandmother asking me to talk to her.I could her her crying in background.I told the grandma to put her on . But I think she didnt believe it was me and wouldnt come to the phone.3 1/2 yrs go by her aunt brings her into my work.A car dealer parts dept.the aunt said theres Eric .dont you want to see Eric? I heard her say in a childlike way. No I dont like Eric anymore.She never really looked right at me.I followed her to her aunts car.They were picking up.She opened the door for herself and got in...It seemed and I felt that she was a happy ,normal 7 year old little girl.......hecklereric@yahoo.com GOD BLESS

[crzygrll1]

Yes I agree with you, I have two children. My son's father and I have a great relationship. But My daughters father is Bipolar and can not do anything civil. I just want her to feel better. It breaks my heart that she is in such pain.

[jsweetpea]

I dont' really know what if feels right because i hought As for your daughter I can relate to her because I lost my father in Febuary of 2006. It isn't the same in all asspects becaause her father is alive just not living with your familyy. That was the hardest part for me at the time . It does get easier but the time is just so long. I can only rember when I left my abusive relationship, he even when't jaill. that was hard because i still loved him and the police had put a restraining order on him.
well i will pray for you and keep you with me, good luck

[JxnChosen]

...this too shall pass. I know everything sucks right now, but it will get better. Look into services that can help with shut off notices and maybe your local child welfare office. also, can you press charges regarding the "stolen" $600? If your two aren't married then isn't it considered stealing?

As for your daughter, remind her of how much you love her. I used to tell my daughter that her dad loves her and thinks of her. But eventually I stopped lieing to her. Let him hold his own.

Good luck, it will get better