am i too cold?..

lately i have had two people tell me that i am like a "dude". that's of course with the intention of fitting the stereotype of what a man is "suppose" to be like. i am judged to be cold hearted because i can move on from a relationship farily quickly. i think that people misunderstand me. it's more of a self-preservation techinque as opposed to being cold hearted. i am not the type to stay depressed over something that is over because i feel it is not healthy for me to do so. so i move forward with my life. i feel that my life can't stop because a relationship has ended. is that being cold hearted?

I don't think that is being cold hearted at all. Everyone deals differently in life. To judge you as being cold is their perception of how one should be reacting to a specific stimuli. If how you are accepting things works for you, then that's all that matters. I would ask them if you carried the torch to the point of being completely depressed and upset over a relationship break....what in the world would be accomplished by doing so? I would also ask if you should be worried about making someone else feel better or yourself since it's YOUR relationship???

(((((((((( agony ))))))))))))))


sabby

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agony007 said:
i feel that my life can't stop because a relationship has ended. is that being cold hearted?

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I don't think so. It seems smart. Could be jealousy on their part...We often criticize what we don't have and want...

I envy you... Do you have any specific pointers on exactly how to accomplish that?

Lenny

((((((((((((((((((agony))))))))))))))))))))))

Gosh I dont think ot's cold at all, I think it shows you are an independant and very strong person .... Like Lenny i would love to know how you do it, love and care, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo

(not my hubby, my mother)

thanks guys for your responses. i really appreciate them. i was beginning to doubt myself. don't get me wrong, of course i hurt and grieve the loss for a while. but i try to recoup by distracting myself and focusing on what was wrong with the relationship in the first place. i mean there is usually something off that causes the relationship to end. so i focus on the rough patches so i can get over the person. lol i know that may be mean, but it's self preservation at it's best for me at least. right now i am trying to decide whether or not to save my marriage. my hub and i have been seperated since late march. it was my decision to ask for a divorce. but things have occured that have me rethinking that decision. so we will see what happens. wish me luck.

-agony

agony,
I don't think it is being cold to get on with life, I think it being a realist. Why waste time being distressed about something that is no longer. If you and your hubby can work things out, then that is what you should do.
Best of luck to you,

thanks 50. i appreciate your well wishes, i surely need it.

I think there are reasons for keeping a protective shell around you and when you find that someone is safe enough to let that down, you will. I don't think it's cold at all. A lot of people don't understand that and it's a shame but it's very understandable that people would have that shell up.

want,
thanks for your post. that's exactly what i mean. i am so happy that all of you guys understand me.

I am sorry that you are hurting. I am very sensitive to what other people say about it -- even when those people are idiots.

Would it help to look at who these people are? What are their characters? Do you respect or admire them? If not, is possible that you are being too sensitive to their opinions and need to find your inner compass?

you are right wants. at the end of the day i shouldn't really care what they say. i thought about what you said and you know what, no i don't care what those specific peoples opinion is about me. thanks for making me reflect.

Well, it's hard Agony, for a sensitive person not to care at all. I had meant to write that I, too, am very sensitive to others' opinions. I have students write horrible, horrible things about me on ratemyprofessors.com and I get devastated by them. Even though I know that the students are very young and immature.

Perhaps the best we can do is to is what you have done -- reflect and recognize that the feelings are not warranted. It doesn't make them go away, but it does help me to stop dwelling on them.

"To judge you as being cold is their perception of how one should be reacting to a specific stimuli"