[DSVirginia82]

I have been going through a lot since january but mostly since March when my bf left me for religious reasons. He comes and goes. I always take him back and know I shouldn't but I love him. I cannot help but love him. We have both hurt each other. In my opinion he has hurt me much worse but i forgive because of my love. Now he's gone but going to find another guy, now that he is starting to accept his homosexuality. I've tried dating others but have a hard time with it when I love someone so much. How do I get over this so i can be sane and move on with my life? How do I handle it when I see him with someone else? It has me depressed and i cry all the time. What do i do?
DSVirginia82

[bextar]

I want you to know that your not alone, I too feel this pain for someone else who has left me. I think I know in my own heart of hearts that I need to feel happy with myself before I can even consider meeting anyone else. I tried and I ended up crying on the poor bloke who is still my friend even though I went back to the ex.

I think you should realise that when you feel intense pain from losing someone you love its natural to cry and cry and cry, I have been for weeks. But every cry you have its one step closer to moving on. Dont be hard on yourself and allow yourself to go through the motions, they are natural.

Bex

[Hopefull1]

I feel for you sincerely! It's never easy to give up on someone you love. After all who has control over who they love? Homosexual, Bisexual, or Heterosexual, they are still human and deserving of love as are you. From one human to another we all deserve love and compassion. Sometimes we have to look beyond ourselves and love people for who they are as humans and not who we want them to be. I am struggling with this myself and can empathize with your pain.
I too am feeling great loss due to someone who has left me and is utterly confused. The depression is unbearable at times since I moved across the country to be with her and her two sons. I feel loss on an unimaginable scale. I feel alone and unable to concentrate on getting my own beautiful life back since I left all familiarity 1800 miles away and started a new self motivated sales career, only to be rejected by someone i truly adore. I feel like I lost a family that was never mine to loose. I had faith in her coming around but she seems incapable being a true friend much less anything else. I do truly love this person and was genuinely happy when I met up with her after 16 years of not knowing each other. I met her when I was a kid and she is such as special person that unfortunately has been through a very difficult life. What started as an understanding friendship/relationship has ended up extremely painful and I feel the need to let go but do not know how. I feel stuck in the position I put myself in and have no true friends where I now live. I cry and cry and cry at night and do not sleep well at all. Changing locations, careers, and losing the most valuable 3 people in your life has been a great torment. She also cheated on me with a woman. Is this natural! I have always been a survivor but this one has me close to the edge and I can't seem to get it together because I feel as if I am stewing in the decisions I made to change my life for the chance at happiness with whom I perceived to be my soul mate and best friend. Turns out, I was a rebound. She is one of my best friends little sisters. Ouch!!! Please advice anyone! The pain and suffering are leading me to a dark unhealthy place.

[SpottedOwl]

(((DSVirginia82)))

I'm sorry you've been having a difficult time.

I have a few thoughts for you:

Stay away from him as much as you can for right now. Every time you let him back in, you are slowing down your healing process. It is like scratching at a scab -- give yourself the gift of some time to heal. Once you are healed, then you can decide if you want to see him again.

I would also encourage you to think about what you mean by 'love'. What does Love look like to you? How does Love make you feel?

Journaling can also be helpful. Its ok to be sad and depressed, but it is good to let it out. There can be something almost magical about putting your thoughts to a piece of paper.

One final thought -- list all of the crappy things that he has done to you. Notice how it makes you feel to think about them. Feel that anger, and use it to help keep yourself strong if he tries to come back into your life before you are ready.

IMHO, anger can be a great friend when dealing with a breakup.

[SpottedOwl]

(((Hopefull1)))

Welcome to the board!

Have you thought about finding a therapist to talk to?

You've been through so much stress with the moving/job change/relationship that even rock of a person would have a tough time. Any one of those events are major life stressors, so please be kind and forgiving of yourself.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
The pain and suffering are leading me to a dark unhealthy place.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Even if for a few sessions, it can be so healing to talk to someone who is just there for you. I never wanted to go to a therapist, but after my long term relationship ended, I found myself in a very dark place.

Having the extra support of a Therapist has been such a blessing in my life, and I am so thankful that I begrudingly started the process.

Please, care for yourself. No relationship is worth losing yourself over -- we are each unique and wonderful beings who deserve to find happiness. There is hope, Hopeful1!

[Wants2Fly]

I am sorry that you are going through this pain. Here's my two-cents:

First, each of us must reach that place inside where we understand that we have nothing to give another person until we can respect, nurture and be our own best friend. What do I have to give if I do not have my self?

Second, if you bf compromises your self respect and self-nurturing, you must choose you. Otherwise, you have no self from which to love him. You may be needy and want him, but that is not the same.

Third, as pointed out, you have to give up seeing him for a time and create a new life for yourself.

Fourth, you have to give the healing as much time as it takes. Be patient.

I hope you will consider seeing a therapist with whom to talk about your pain and start to heal.

[Hopefull1]

I appreciate your kind words.
I have been to therapy in the past and know I will undoubtedly here much of the same.
I am doing better with each passing day since I decided to sever all contact with her. You simply can't immediately go back to being a supportive friend after being walked on like a doormat. I am having trouble finding happiness again as I am alone in a town where I don't know very many people. Seems like everyone I meet here in Florida is in their own click. In time I know things will get better and better as my depression seems to be weakening.
I will continue to post as I find this site to be a most useful tool. Thanks again for the support

Originally Posted by SpottedOwl

(((Hopefull1)))

Welcome to the board!

Have you thought about finding a therapist to talk to?

You've been through so much stress with the moving/job change/relationship that even rock of a person would have a tough time. Any one of those events are major life stressors, so please be kind and forgiving of yourself.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
The pain and suffering are leading me to a dark unhealthy place.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Even if for a few sessions, it can be so healing to talk to someone who is just there for you. I never wanted to go to a therapist, but after my long term relationship ended, I found myself in a very dark place.

Having the extra support of a Therapist has been such a blessing in my life, and I am so thankful that I begrudingly started the process.

Please, care for yourself. No relationship is worth losing yourself over -- we are each unique and wonderful beings who deserve to find happiness. There is hope, Hopeful1!

[seeker1950]

Originally Posted by Hopefull1

I appreciate your kind words.
I have been to therapy in the past and know I will undoubtedly here much of the same.
I am doing better with each passing day since I decided to sever all contact with her. You simply can't immediately go back to being a supportive friend after being walked on like a doormat. I am having trouble finding happiness again as I am alone in a town where I don't know very many people. Seems like everyone I meet here in Florida is in their own click. In time I know things will get better and better as my depression seems to be weakening.
I will continue to post as I find this site to be a most useful tool. Thanks again for the support

Hopefull1,
Some of this thread is confusing..."he or she" responses. It sounds like yoiu moved a great distance to be with HER...correct? Now she has cheated with another woman...correct? I'm also unclear as to whether you are male or female from the initial post and responses. Doesn't matter...Your pain is real and disabling right now, and I can certainly identify.
I came here 4 years ago, completely awash in emotional pain from a rejection by someone whom I perceived that I loved. People here really helped me, often saying things which were hard to read and acknowledge to myself. It came down to taking "baby steps" and giving it lots of time. I didn't want to do that...I wanted to be healed quickly. But putting one foot in front of the other, and wading thru all the painful feelings is what one must do. Eventually...and I speak now as one completely well and no longer in pain, it does get better.
I'm not sure being in the same geographical location as this person, where you are "alone" otherwise, is a good thing for you. Maybe return to your familiar setting, and try to move on from there.
Patty