[Irine]

I wnet out with a guy. Second time. now we come to the beach (no not to swim) just a hike and he says "I want to kiss you"
Abd I say...what i still don`t feel i know you! i tlak and feel like heck has he gone insane?!

Tell me - do you kiss on second date? anyone?
I don`t know...to me it doesn feel like. then we went into a conversation and i explained to him I am very slow in this process of physical ..connection? and I told him then that i kissed first time with my boyfriend on our 12th meeting, after a month (which is true)

He asked me if i was a virgin

Heck I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN that by kindly explaining to a person and giving an example from my past I will have such question damn it.

I started shaking, my heart starting beating hard and fast and i felt like crying. I almost did. Lately in the car he saidihe saw ....that i was crying. He tried to understand why i am that way and wy i am afraid i tol dhim you are a stranger i don`t feel comfortable he sadi he doesn`t feel confortabel either but i want to get closer to you, no break the distance. After a while he said well you want me to drive you home? I said that "why now that we don`t kiss you are dissapointed so now you want t oend our meeintg?"

he said he feels these bad energies. He didn`t understand. he said that he won`t rape me and that I mention just facts. Nto feelings. He didn`t see HOW the facts that it`s are, i am in a place i don`t know with a nam i hardly know I relate to what i feel. anyways he said we need to take some danger in life etc.

I guess this is the bull****every man says when he needs a %#@&#!.
He said "Ho God you are so analitic. you remind me myself!

So in the care we calmed down and talked on and in the end he said i jsut want to feel the wormth. a hug anyhting..i sadi tha ta hug is a different matter So when i got out of the car before i put my arm around him and kissed him on the cheek. He sadi waint don`t you want me to hug you?

He did and kissed my head adn i went home

Now i sit and thing to myself that why in the world i tend to react like that? can it be a sort of a short traumatic relationship i had at the age of 18? Now i am 22.
well i just DON`T HTINK that a perosn who doesn`t knwo you should kis you in the mouth - that being sadi I DO NOT JUDGE people who do si - but i myself am terrifrid. Now- i was fine wit hrefusing him to kiss on the mouth there but the shaking and the crying do they have anything to do with "just the curcomstances?" or wiht fear of men in jeneral that are all just little turds whio will %#@&#! you and throw you. But i was never thrown, I feel that if i give up to the man`t wnat and have sex or a kiss or whatever i will...i start feeling lost and scare of this though. and ALONE and violated and comepletely terrifried



It happened with my first serious boyfriend when aftet in the end of first date as we shook hands he pulled me towards him. I immidiatly took a big step backwards.

I don`t know. i am %#@&#! scared. Why?

I jsut think tat i am not a ***** and i need to knwo that teh perosn who rouches me LOVES me and CARES about me. WE DON`T LOVE each other yet. Even if we ever will, well, i don`t know.

When i enetered the car i noticed that he looked good and i felt attracted t him and stuff...but when he throw this bomb on me i just can`t imagine this to be real without getting terrifried..KISS NOW WHY i just don` t want to be thrown alone in this world.

iSN`T IT STRANGE THAT SOMETHINGTHAT SHOULD MAKE YOU FEEL SO CLOSE TO SOME1 MAKES ME FEEL ALONE
A L O N E

What a paradox!

I WILL NOT LET ANYBODY CONTROLL ME

THE FACT YOU ARE A MAN DOESN`T SAY ANYHTHING!

[salukigirl]

hmmm..... well i use sex as more of a "get to know you" kinda thing. i had sex with 9 guys by the time i turned 19. i dont see kissing as having to be in love with someone. or sex for that matter. thats all personal opinion though. if he is persistant like that and it bugs you, then hes probably not right for you. there are tons of guys out there who are terrified to kiss on the first or even fifth date. most guys are brought up thinking that thats how things work. why do you think kissing means that he would control you?

my biggest problem with sex ed now a days is that they tell you that your virginity is something that guys "take" from you. its yours. no one can take it. you give it to them. if him kissing you gives him control.... why wouldnt it be you having control over him also? why does it have to be able control at all? sounds like you have some issues separating sex from control. why, im not sure of because i dont know you. but for some reason you associate kissing someone with having control over you. when really, you deciding to kiss someone, is you having control over your own body.

[savingjanedoh]

I think for someone who tends to be analytical or anxious about this stuff the first thing you need to do is relax. Don't try to figure anything out until you're in a completely calm state of mind. And if there keeps being uncomfortable pressure than determine whether it's his problem or yours. You might just need to relax. Just a thought.

[tautologic]

If you aren't comfortable kissing until further into a relationship, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If this guy, or any guy for that matter, doesn't respect that, he isn't worth your time.

[Irine]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
tautologic said:
If you aren't comfortable kissing until further into a relationship, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If this guy, or any guy for that matter, doesn't respect that, he isn't worth your time.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I agree. It`s not that he was resistant it`s that he jsut wondered why.
He is analitical, too...i just want to have some fun

but of course resistant people..in SUCH matters..yes they don`t worth the time

[Irine]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
salukigirl said:
. why do you think kissing means that he would control you?

I ma just afraid..i don`t know. it`s like you DO WHAT HE WANTS
1 time in my life i did. They i regreted it. it wasn`t just a kiss , so i felt horrble after it. brcause i wasn`t ready.

[Irine]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
savingjanedoh said:

I think for someone who tends to be analytical or anxious about this stuff the first thing you need to do is relax. Don't try to figure anything out until you're in a completely calm state of mind. And if there keeps being uncomfortable pressure than determine whether it's his problem or yours. You might just need to relax. Just a thought.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes...good thought when you are ALONE and SAFE but when you are with SOMEONE hwo do you knwo if he is safe enough to relax in his presence?

i don`t know. I am afraid. I didn`t even expect myself to react like that.

Then after i posted this yesterday i went to bed. closed my eys adn felt horney. i felt "the craving" and the heard in my head screams "NO NO NO PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE LEAVE ME ALONE NO NO PLEASE LEAVE ME"

i tried to remove it and closed my eyes agian. but the picture of the city landscape i saw from his car were flowing were there and then the kiss the hug and then the screams began again.

what the f.........?!
What`s going on with me...i don`t know what i want.

[youOme]

No offense, but I think you gave this a guy a hard time.

He's a stranger in a sense like you mentioned and doesn't know you enough to know that he needs to be patient and take time. Think, a lot of girls out there do kiss and "whatever" on the second date...he probably has dated them before. Maybe he was in a romantic mood because he likes you. If it was me in the position I would have maybe giggled my way out of it and said "I appreciate the offer but I'm a patient gal"...or something cheesy along those lines. Personally I wouldn't kiss on the second date but if I was feeling an intense connection maybe a small peck goodbye would be nice. But it all depends on your comfort as the woman. I wouldn't feel bad if I were you about the situation, just explain later that you weren't comfortable yet and if he reacts negatively then hell with him anyway...but understand his intentions too without being harsh...everybody deserves a chance.

[Doh2007]

You don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with. I think you'll have a much easier time not getting too close too soon by being prepared. The trouble comes when you're alone with a guy. People who don't want to have sex until marriage find doing things as a group of people helps. In a crowd, while doing other things, you have a chance to get to know someone without all the expectations.

I don't know if you're a member of a church, but joining a church youth group may be the solution. It doesn't guarantee safety, but you're more likely to find others who feel like you do.

[Irine]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Doh2007 said:
The trouble comes when you're alone with a guy. People who don't want to have sex until marriage find doing things as a group of people helps. In a crowd, while doing other things, you have a chance to get to know someone without all the expectations.

I don't know if you're a member of a church, but joining a church youth group may be the solution. It doesn't guarantee safety, but you're more likely to find others who feel like you do.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

good point about being together as a group. then really i thought that we shouldn`t go to a lonely places to hikes but to places like bars and such.

I am not cristian so i can`t be a part of any church

youOme....at the same time i was giving him a hard time..i had a HORRIBLE time myself

Maybe i shouldn`t have "jumped" into that.

Thank you ladies.

[nowheretorun]

LadyM said:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I wnet out with a guy. Second time. now we come to the beach (no not to swim) just a hike and he says "I want to kiss you"
Abd I say...what i still don`t feel i know you! i tlak and feel like heck has he gone insane?!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

this i can understand LadyM .. there is always an apprehension i feel about 'when'? i like to let her make the move, .... cant have myself feeling like i pushed her into something she didnt want to do....

then, theree's times when she moves too quck, and i have to ask myself, 'well, when then?' ...

sorry, prob no real answer there, just how i am about it...

[eskielover]

In relationships, it depends on what you are looking for. To me, being with a guy & kissing wasn't fun & it wasn't what I was looking for in a date. I was looking for someone who I could be close with & have a lasting relationship with. To have a lasting relationship, one needs to know the other person on a level that isn't based on sex.......getting to know the other person & feel comfortable being around them without having sex as the only object was the only relationship that truely ends up lasting. Being able to communicate, to accept the other person when they aren't feeling well, knowing their personalities & whether you can even stand the personality in the first place is something that is important. I kiss means nothing if there isn't a bond between 2 people.

I know society has now come to the point where sex is all one dates for.....it is the entertainment for the date rather than a dinner & a movie. Don't believe that you have to be that way....you can still keep your moral values.....it's hard because everyone wants to pressure women into being what they say is being normal.....& justifying it because "everyone is doing it". If you have you values, it's important to keep them as values.

Honestly, I have been married 32 years & sadly, there has never been the communication or the closeness that being a true partnership is & that has NOTHING to do with sex. It has to do with existing together & living in a peaceful bond where the other person isn't always trying to force the other person to be something they aren't or to have values, even on the financial end of life. There is so much more to a relationship than sex that is overlooked. Sadly, it the other person is only interested in sex, then that is where they want to start the relationship. If you are looking for more in a relationship, then keep your values. You will truely only be happy if you find someone with your same values.

Don't settle for something other than what you truely want in a relationship. If you do, you will regret it in the long run. If you don't find what you need in a person, any long term relationship (marriage) will not end up lasting if there is only sex without the real things needed to make a relationship work.

I couldn't justify wasting my time on anyone that wasn't looking for what I was looking for. I had many guy friends that I just enjoyed doing things with like horse back riding, skiing, activities that we enjoyed together without having to do the kissing thing. It was only if I was in a serious relationship that I would allow any physical closeness to enter into the relationship. It made sense then....it makes sense now.

What you need to do is define what you want in your life & your relationships.....until you do that, you will not be the one in control & they will continue to pressure you. When you can explain where you are coming from & they don't fit, then it's a mutual agreement that there is no point in wasting time.

Hope this may help you a bit....it seems that you aren't sure about how to define what you want in a relationship....& there are different types of relatinships with guys but you have to let them know where you are coming from & whether you want just a friendship or something more.

Sadly, in society now, people include sex as part of friendship because they think it;s just something to do & is their entertainment for the evening. The basis for my moral values are my Christian beliefs.....your moral values are based on values you have set in your life is sounds based on the fact that you don't want to be controlled by a man & that you want to be the one that is in control of yourself.

The important thing is that you know what you want from a relationship & not be pressured into anything less.
Debbie

[Irine]

nohwereturn

yes..someone like you who is not selfish LKE YOU...youa re being really nice
i hope i will find osme1 more like you one day

Debbie

I agree with every word

My values are based on teh fact that i shouldn`t do anyhting that doesn`t come from my heart. because that would be betaying myself,...

and we all live with OURSELVES in the end

thank you

[free2beme]

LadyM,
Remember.. Men are no different from fish. There are plenty of them out there. You can always throw them back!!
(catch and release until you find the right one for you!)


.

[iamtwilight]

there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking things slowly. in my opinion, it is very good to take that route. you kiss when you feel comfortable. it can be the first date, or the 20th.