[cms39]

All he does is snap at me all the time. We barely talk. He thinks I'm a (^%&$$^%$ Maybe I am.

I started contemplating and think maybe I have been mean to him. He says I order him around all the time.

He is sick right now. I made him a cup of tea, a cup of theraflu and I made a pork roast with mashed potatoes. I admit I hadn't been cooking much the past months because I was sick - the thyroid, the bronchitis. He wasn't very sympathetic when I was sick either.

I'm sad about our marriage. He doesn't satisfy me intellectually or in other ways. He withholds sex a lot. I don't know what to do. I promised him I'd be nicer this year.

[SpazKatt]

hmm sounds like he's having the issues not you *hugs* I'd consider marriage counseling and if he refuses go just for you! I wish you a better year *huugs*

[cms39]

Thank you Spazkat. But I may have omitted all the times I did order him around.

I just feel like a bad wife. He said he couldn't wait to get back to work. People there act nicer than I do.

When he wants to do something, somehow I'm always the one who "won't let him." I try to figure out how I'm not letting him (play guitar, work out, whatever). All I can figure out is that I interrupt him by wanting to (GASP) TALK to him.

[mj14]

cms, it sounds like your marriage is exactly the kind that could benefit from marriage counselling. Based on what you say, I get the impression that you both are missing certain things in the relationship, but don't know how to express those needs in a way that gets them filled. Counselling can be a place where you can learn to express your (both of your) needs without the other feeling like it's an accusation.

Good luck.
*hugs*
Jo

[heartbroken]

I agree to go to counseling. It can work wonders for you and him. If he choses not to go, seriously consider going by yourself. Your marriage may not be completely on the rocks yet. But take it from someone whose husband decided to go out and cheat instead of dealing with the problems in the marriage.

Maybe you guys need the counseling to find out what's bothering both of you because I agree with the above that you guys are lacking something that's causing you to feel that way as well as him. I can tell you that my husband and I are in counseling separately and probably should have done it long before we did, but I do believe that marriage counseling would have been beneficial but instead, my marriage is headed for divorce. I say if you want things to work and you are a willing participant and so is he, you have a chance at improving things and who knows, it might be the best for you guys to better understand each other. I hope that he's a willing participant becuase unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky. Fight for your marriage if that's what you want.

I wish you good luck and hope that you guys are able to work things out.

[cms39]

Thank you, Heartbroken and everyone. I haven't brought it up yet, but I intend to ask him to go to marriage counseling. He is in individual counseling right now for anxiety. We actually bonded together in the first place because we both have "problems." I do need to be nice to him because he has a heart condition as well as anxiety.

We had a stressful Christmas because my husband is a recovering alcoholic - nondrinker for 13 years. Most of his family still drinks and he hates it. And I just hate crowds. (He is from a family of 10 children). So that gathering was difficult to deal with.

He will probably agree to marriage counseling, I think. I haven't talked to him about it yet. Maybe in a little while after we are relaxing. Thank you.

[SpazKatt]

i hope he does *Hugs*

[chloepie]

I think that you both need to step back and look at how you're treating each other. Is he short with you because he feels you are mean to him? Are you mean to him because he's short to you?

Some of our behaviors are in response to other people's behavior, and when there is no communication in the home, then behaviors continue to happen, feelings get more involved, and pretty soon, both are miserable with no way of expressing that except through more behavior.

I think marriage counseling is a great idea because I believe you both are at fault and the crime? Miscommunication. Neither of you should be afraid of telling each other what you want. If you want him to take care of you while you are sick, ask him. And appreciate what he does. Thank him and show him you're grateful, otherwise, why would he continue. And when he wants taken care of, he can ask you, and let him know how much his appreciation makes your day.

So many couples now a days are not communicating, expecting each other to read their minds, and it's impossible. So many things go unsaid, and honestly, talking things through makes things so much easier to deal with. Perhaps his anxiety would go down if he was able to express himself at home.

I think this is just a small bump in the road, and you both can get through this, but make sure when you ask him about counseling - you're not blaming all the problems on him...you need to be willing to make a change too. Good Luck!

[cms39]

I would love to communicate with him, but he keeps things very much to himself. He is a loner and very introverted. It's hard to get him to talk. Then when he does, he criticizes me. He may be right about those things, but it makes me feel SO bad. I can't get past the bad feelings. (how I'm not a very good wife)

[SweetSunshine]

Ohh Gosh CMS~
I think its our older husbands!!! LOL. Hon I am going thru so much of hte same stuff. Except I am not sure I love mine anymore. Each day it becomes harder to be here. And I do feel unappreciated but yet so does he. I think we both try, but we are not in the same place anymore. Try to encourage couple therapy before its too late hon. I really believe it could help if you both put forh the effort it takes. Hang in there ok? And I am here for you should you want to IM ok?

Hugz~
Tryin