[ozzie]

I don't know how a guy can be so stupid and inconsiderate for 40+ years! This is by his own admission today. He knows how his lack of attention and lack of consideration has hurt me over the years, and yet it continues. He said it's just the way he is. I said...."and you aren't about to change" He says he will try again to change. I know that his efforts to do better will last for a few days....period. grrrrrrrr.

[AAAAA]

Forty years is a long time! If he’s known that his behavior has hurt you all this time and has done nothing about it, it’s unlikely the future will be any different. The only thing that you can do is remind him when he’s done something thoughtless.

[beadlady29-old]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ozzie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
yes, that is such a long time to have to deal with that, and bead heart go
out to you. also tell you, we teach others how to treat us. if we let them use us for a doormat, etc. then thats what they will do. if we let them know every time they say or do something hurtful that it is unacceptable behavior and it has to change..that is the first step toward getting them to change. its like we can only directly have control over and change ourself yes, but indirectly we can teach others to treat us with the respect and dignity we deserve by learning to stand up for ourselves gooder.
hope this helps and take care and stay safe
feel free to pm if you ever need\want to.

bead

[sunrise]

ozzie, I know how painful that is. I too had an inconsiderate husband. I do think there was something defective about mine, perhaps a profound self-centeredness, perhaps a lack of caring or even an inability to care. I think it is a good sign your H at least said he would try to do better. I hope things get better. I know many guys don't like being "told what to do" by a woman, so this adds to their resistance on trying to be a better person if they think they are being "told" to be a certain way. I don't know if that is part of the issue with you. Sometimes they are able to accept a shortcoming in themselves better if they realize it by another means than their wife. It shouldn't have to be that way, but just something I've observed with a certain type of guy. So if there is someone else in your H's life who is giving him the same message, it might have greater impact.

[multipixie9]

28 years married. i've had some emotional issues that have made life tough and i've let my husband treat me with indifference, perfectionism, workaholism and passive-aggression. i am so tired of it. this morning i'm just venting because he spoiled the anger and frustration i felt with him spoiled my day yesterday. we need counseling as a married couple and it scares me, he is high-performing and i am low-performing and i'm scared he'll sway the T and it will be 2 against one.

i had special plans for breakfast on Christmas morning that he asked for and i'd never done before. i was kinda nervous. i had insomnia but set alarm with plenty of time to make food before our kids arrived for the Christmas visit. i woke too late to make breakfast he'd asked for and when i asked why he hadn't helped wake me he said, "you turned off your alarm when it woke you..." he was inconsiderate and later ignored me after the kids left to punish me for messing up breakfast or for fussing because he didn't try to wake me or because i looked at him funny or because i feel asleep while we watched a funny movie with our kids...i don't know what it was. i just know i am so very tired of this and angry and sad and i hate and despise passive agressive behavior!

[beadlady29-old]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{allthepixies]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

:grouphug

beads

[skymonk]

I can relate to all of your replies. I have the same problem w/my bf. At one time he was very loving, caring,considerate,supportive...no more. He's now antagonistic, berating,belittling,confusing,angry,uncaring,unsupportive & I don't think he loves me either. He's nice one minute&nasty the next. I'm glad I looked at this thread-it's letting me know that it isn't just me as my bf claims. I have mental problems&he blames every bad thing that happens on me. I thought I was doing something wrong. It's not me-it's him-he's a man. He never cares how much he's hurt me either. My mistake is not standing up for myself more because I was trying to avoid fights. He's going to behave badly no matter what I do. Last night I asked him if he cared about me&he said"Stop attacking me!" Sound familiar?

[ozzie]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm sorry to read that some of you have similar problems with your husbands. Mine seems to do better for a little while and then slides back into his old pattern and it's really hurtful when that happens. Sounds like you guys know that too.