[seeker1950]

I honestly have no idea what's going on with my sister. She is my only sister, lives just 20 minutes away from me. I've tried to call her several times in the past week to plan for Christmas. I finally reached her today, and asked about her plans, as I was looking forward to seeing her and her two daughters, exchanging gifts, etc. She was short with me, saying she was "going out to the grocery store." I just got short answers, and pauses of silence. She is not in financial difficulty, that's for sure, so I felt confident in asking, "Well, do you want to get together to exchange gifts?" and told her I had just been out and bought gifts for her and her two daughters. Just ambiguous replies, and no definite answer on when we could get together. I told her that my daughter and the twin grandsons would be here on Tuesday night only, and they could come here...again just a maybe. I have no idea what's going on, but it makes me upset! I'm feeling hurt and even angry, and like I imposed upon her by calling her and asking about her holiday plans. Now, so angry, I feel I will not contact her again regarding holiday plans, and even not answering the phone if she calls! Phew..anger makes me ill!
Patty

[free2beme]

if this is new behavior, i'd probably call and ask if she's ok.

maybe there's something going on with her job, girls,

or just christmas stress and she took it out on you.

sorry you got hurt patty

[seeker1950]

My sis and I had not communicated well for the upcoming Christmas. I felt hurt after each time I tried to talk to her and make plans, feeling foolish when I questioned her about exchanging gifts, getting together for dinner at her house (which we have always done in the past). All she would say was, "I'll let your know," then silence. I felt so foolish, like a school kid trying to be accepted. I had also told her that my daughter and her family would be here on Tues for their Christmas with me, and she said they "might" come to see them. In the meantime, she talked to our aunt and said she and her husband were planning on attending the family dinner on Christmas day and I could ride over there (2 hour drive) with them, and she was "so looking forward to seeing my twin grandsons." So, on Tues morning, sister called here to get information on the size my aunt's granddaugter wears, for a gift, and I said, enthusiastically, "Oh, I'll ride over there with you." Silence. I mentioned to her that the twins were here, and was she planning on a visit. Her response, "Oh, I forgot about that, and I'm too busy."
Forgive my long ramble about all of this. I know, in my attempt to wean of the Paxil, I'm more sensitive, but yesterday, one hour before her Christmas dinner, she called, and I didn't answer the phone. She called a couple of more times later in the day, and again I didn't answer the phone.
She called this morning, and I just said I wasn't feeling well, and not going to the dinner at my aunt's house. She tried to question me about this, also asking if I was home yesterday. I know I am probably wrong in my reaction, but I can't help it right now. My aunt called, she is so sweet, and I've probably alienated her also. I told her I simply couldn't tolerate being in close proximity to my sister right now.
This is so unlike me, but I have to tell you, I have always been the doormat. Yeah, so today was spent in my robe, watching tv and films and eating whatever was onhand here in the house.
I'm also experiencing a lot of "brain zaps" from this longterm attempt to get off the Paxil.
Patty

[ECHOES]

Patty, I think your reaction to your sister's unusual and distant behavior is very understandable. Her behavior isn't making sense to you. It's your reaction and there isn't a wrong or a right about it, in my opinion. I wonder if you wouldn't feel better getting to the bottom of it by talking directly with your sister and telling her that you sense her being vague and distant and it feels unusual and unsettling to you. Her behavior is, of course, about her; it's how she is dealing with.. something.

Her behavior sounds somewhat like my behavior when I am depressed and don't want to be a part of holidays or birthdays. Maybe what's going on is something in her life that she's struggling with?

It sounds like you were lonely and sad today. I'm sorry you didn't get to see your sweet aunt. I hope you feel better soon!

[seeker1950]

Thank you, Echoes, and Free2,
Yeah, I've really wallowed in it...self-pity and feelings of rejection. I know this, and will just have to work on it, as I have done in the past during other episodes.
I don't feel like talking to my sister. She would turn this around on me as being all my imagination and fault. It is not, and I really WAS enthusiastic about exchanging gifts and seeing her family, only to be treated as an annoyance.
I have to add here, that feeling this way makes me ill. It's not so bad today, and I'm glad this Christmas is over.
I'm having a lot of flashbacks to my childhood history. My sister, though she was two years younger, was much stronger physically than I. We fought a lot, and she beat me up regularly. If I tried to defend myself, I was punished. I know....wallow, wallow, but this mindset of always being the one at fault doesn't set well with me right now.
Patty

((seeker))))))))))))) I do not think you are wallowing....you are saying how you feel.
How it was when you were younger. I am sorry christmas was so hard for you .
I know with my sister it was hard on me that she never wanted to see my kids grown up.
She told me yesterday that was her biggest regret.
Years she would not answer the phone. Off and on..
My thoughts are with you
you are a good person...
((you matter))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
muffy

[Capp]

((Patty)),
I don't think you are wallowing.
You are being honest and sharing how you are feeling...talking about it is better than letting it build up.
Please don't be so hard on yourself.

Coming off any AD is hard, and Paxil is one of the harder ones. Brain zaps is putting it mildly, isn't it? Add in dealing with feelings the Paxil may have blunted, and you have a tough time to get through...

Peace,
Cap

[seeker1950]

Thank you, Muffy and Capp,
Yes, Capp, I do realize that much of this has to do with going off this insidious medication, and that, yes, in my past of taking such meds for 17 years, I was simply oblivious to things that seem offensive to me now. On the one hand, I don't like being this way, as negative feelings are so debilitating to me, while on the other hand, I also recognize that I am processing interactions with people differently, and often not so well.

I don't like offending people, and will go to great lengths to apologize and take on blame myself to appease people. I suspect there are a lot of people here on PC like this. I've been this way from childhood onward, and bent over backwards for others, who, in reality, would rather not have dealt with me at all.

Also, in trying to think about this objectively, there is no hard and fast rule that siblings have to be close and share the picture perfect Christmas. I have been living with some sort of delusion about my relationship to my sister, which, in reality, was never a close one. We grew up fighting, actual physical fights, in which I was always the one injured but also the one who had to make amends. I'm in no mood to approach her now with an apology of it being my mindset, of being flawed, of being the emotionally unstable sister coming off meds, etc.
Sorry, I'm rambling.

I just want to add here, that PC is the only place where I can assess all of this. I'm grateful for my PC "family."
Love
Patty

[Capp]

((Patty))

I hope you feel better...
Not exactly wise words, but they are heartfelt. It was so tough when I came off most of my meds.
The label of The Crazy One stuck to me for years; it made me a super scapegoat for everything...
pass gas on Tuesday? Yep, blame it on the crazy one

Seriously, it was hard work to scrape off that label but I did it. I'm now called the itch with a capital B.
Proud of that one, I am.

Cap

[seeker1950]

LOL, Capp! Thank you for the morning pick-me-up and I really laughed out loud at your humor. I also hope I can retain some humor when this med is finally gone from my system.
Love
Patty

(((seeker)))))))))))))))
(((I don't like offending people, and will go to great lengths to apologize and take on blame myself to appease people. I suspect there are a lot of people here on PC like this. I've been this way from childhood onward, and bent over backwards for others, who, in reality, would rather not have dealt with me at all. )))))))))))))))))))))

I think you are so right alot of us here at pc have felt the need to say we are sorry....even if we were not wrong....just to stop what was happening...Your a good person

I spent part of my christmas trying to make my sister feel safe...

((capp)) that made me laugh too lololol