[jmo531]

I had a pretty good week. I feel like I'm starting (baby steps) to get back into the groove of life as I once knew it. Until I hit a little bump in the road. When I came home from work today my hubby told me, "If your gonna snack before bed, put your dishes in the dishwasher". Seems like a normal request to me, huh? However, I looked at him and said well after I had my snack last night I was really tired and figured I would take it down in the morning. Well, that started a whole argument. He decided to tell me that I dont do anything around this house except work and that I need to start pitching in more. Not in those words you see, he can get a little abrasive. However, I felt like he kicked me in the stomach when he said that to me. I have been working so hard these past few months on myself, trying to cope with life and going to my therapy appointments, taking meds, and whatever else. I feel like he just thinks that now since I have been on the meds for a while that I'm "normal" again and things will go back as they were. Well, I can't go back to how it was. That was the problem in the first place. I was overly stressed and under more pressure then i care to explain. It was a very dark time for me and the depression nearly wiped me away. I understand what he is saying and I feel as though I could have put the darn dish in the dishwasher but how dare he accuse me of doing absolutely nothing. I have worked darn hard to get to the point where I'm at and I'd say I'm only at 55% of my old self. I dunno, I'm just mad that he hasn't taken notice of the hard journey i have taken to get to the point where I'm at. Maybe I'm over reacting. maybe I'm blowing this whole thing up. Who know's. I just needed to vent. Hubby is a good guy, but right now i could back slap him in the teeth.

Love,

Jen

P.S. Thanks for listening...again

[Dolfin]

Have you asked hubby to come to a therapy session with you to help HIM understand what you are trying to cope with on a day-today basis?

Just a thought....



Jenn

[jmo531]

(((((DOLFIN)))
Thanks for your suggestion.
I actually did ask him once but I don't think he thought I was serious. I guess I can ask again. Not now though. I'm still a little hurt. He is leaving for work in 2 minutes anyway... Oh well, I'm sure tomorrow we will talk this out and resolve it. I hate leaving it this way though. Well, I will keep ya posted.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((((( jen )))))))))))))))))))))))))

i've so felt what you're feeling hon. it's so hard to deal with not being ackowledged i think his going to t with you is a good idea, if not mandatory.

be safe,

[MacD]

the hubby simply doesn't have a concept of what you've been battling..he hasn't "walked in your moccassins....i agree...let him go to t w/you for some education on the ordeal you have been coping with and then i bet he'll be more understanding...chin up! Grace

[jmo531]

Thanks guys for the kind words and great suggestions. I beleive that is best thing is to have him attend a therapy session with me. I think, or at the very least hope that he can gain some insight as to what I have been going through. It's just so frustrating to think that one minor comment could make me feel this way.

(((KIMMY)))
(((OZZIE)))
(((McD)))
Thank you. I let you know what he says about attending the t session with me. Wish me luck.

Love,
Jen

[jmo531]

Well, guys....

Last night my hubby called me on his break. There was tension on the phone, I wont deny it. He asked me if I was still pissed off. I told him that my feelings were hurt more then anything. He said "WHY"? I couldnt believe he had no clue as to why. Anyway, I told him that I wanted him to go to a therapy session with me and he flat out refused. He said that he would not, under any circumstanses attend a session with me. I asked him why. He said that it didn't matter why, that he was simply not going. Well, that went over like a ton of bricks. I hung up the phone and continued playing my scrabble game.

He called me at work this morning to ask me if I was still mad. I told him once again, my feelings are hurt. I was more calm on this phone conversation so it was easy for me to explain to him what bothered me. I told him i was sorry about the dish and not putting it away before bed. I also told him that the comments that he made to me made me feel like he wasn't supportive or wasn't aware how hard i have worked to get where I am. I told him I wanted an apology. He said for what. I said for hurting my feelings. He said...SORRY.... I told him that I didnt want an apology that wasnt genuine and if he didnt mean it I didnt want it. I tried to also explain to him that before this happended to me we would fight and days would go by and the fight would be forgotten...but not resolved. So when the next fight rolled around, the previous fight was still being brought up. I told him that I didnt want it to be that way anymore. I told him that I wanted to talk about the fight and to work it out so it's resolved and we can move on. He told me that he didn't mean to say what he said to me but he did say that he felt underappreciated. He told me that he works very hard around the house and feels that no one takes notice. I saw his oint of view and I felt bad that I don't give him the thanks he deserves by keeping the household together.
You see my hubby does so much for me and the kids. He is a MR. MOM. He works the night shift so his days are filled with laundry, cleaning, cooking and whatever else. I work the day shift so my nights are filled with, dinners, baths, homeowrk and quality time with the kids. My hubby and I see eachother for 5 hours Monday-Friday so there is that added strain on the relationship. We try to maximize our weekends together because that is all we really have.

I guess, talking it through with him not only opened his eyes to my point of view but also opended my eyes to his point as well. I feel that this was a small step in the right direction. Who knows...I guess time will tell.

[Wants2Fly]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Jmo))))))))))))))))))))

[nothemama8]

Just practice the art of friendship with each other and you can't go wrong
Angie

verrrrrrry good....pat

[jmo531]

Thanks guys........ I will keep you posted.....beleive that.....lol

[Dolfin]

It's great that the two of you talked the argument out in a calm, rational matter. It still wouldn't hurt for hubby to attend a session or two with you, not just for you, but for him as well. It would be an excellent way for him to gain insight on what exactly you are going through, learn how to help you get stronger and maybe give him some food for thought about how to handle the next "dilemma" that should arise.

I know that strain of being on separate schedules; my ex and I were...him nights, me days, and every single weekend we had his daughter. Made it very tough to have 'us' time. When we lived together, our relationship wasn't as strained because we had a lot of time to be together without his daughter, but when he moved in with a friend to be closer to his job (140 miles round trip a day is Hell compared to 35 miles a day) things got sticky. He was an hour away, hard to just 'drop in' to say hi, and the three 10-minute phone calls everyday weren't enough either.

My thoughts and best wishes for you and hubby. Don't press too hard on the counseling issue, but it can't hurt.

Jenn

[jmo531]

Thanks Jenn!!

It is quite difficult to handle the apart time. We do it for the sake of the kids. We always want one of us here with them so in order to do that we had to work opposite shifts. I will ask him again about atending a therapy session but I think I will wait a while. I don't want to seem like I am pushing to hard on the issue. Thanks for your advice and sympathizing with my situation.

[Dolfin]

Anytime hun.

Jenn