Prayers Please

Went to the Dr today. Told her about the auras I've been having and it scared her, she said. My feeling is that they've been warning strokes. Both my mom her mom died of strokes. She put me on Crestor and an aspirin a day plus some other medicines that I don't know the names of yet until I get the prescriptions filled.

Had some blood drawn and she wants me back in a month.

When I had the first different aura, it scared me. I have migraine auras without the pain but this was different. Ever since then, I've had a feeling that I wasn't going to be around much longer. I am scared! I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to linger!

I've "seen" my parents and the g-mother. Not inspiring at all! Why are they around me? Preparing me?

Something is driving me to write something to each of my grandkids. My first thought was to make it a Christmas gift, but now it's different; it's something for them to know who I was and that there was someone out there they didn't know that loved them and cherished them.

The fact that in reality, there's nothing left for me to live for, no purpose in my life, has been uppermost in my mind. Nothing I have, nothing I do, no one I know makes me want to go on. No one needs me. I've even told my personal provider that I want her to stick with me until the end.

My hope is that this is just depression and anxiety, but... I'm not sure. You that read this are the only ones that know my thoughts.

I would love to live another 20 yrs to give my estranged kids a chance to have a change of heart, to give my grandkids that I haven't seen in yrs to get to know me, but if it's God's will, I'm as ready as I'll ever be to go... just don't make me linger!!

Tomi, I need you!!!! It scares me to read this. I am not going to lie. It scares the pee out of me! I am sorry that these things are happening to you!!! Not able to say much more... PM me!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mel}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I don't want to leave you, my love. You've taken the place of my daughter. I would miss you so much!!

Maybe these thoughts will pass soon...

I could stand a little support here, guys!

We don't know each other and I don't generally come here..but I do know that you seem to be a very kind, caring, generous and supportive lady. I am very sorry you aren't feeling well and are very scared. If its ok with you, I'd like to send gentle hugs and very caring thoughts your way.

Take care,
Dee

....Sending kind thoughts your way and prayers for you...

your posts on this forum have helped me a great deal and I am so thankful for people such as you..

please know that people care

Sincerely,
Lu

Thanks, Dee and Lu. I can take all the encouragemnt I get get.

You don't know me, I'm new. I don't know anything about your situation, but I can see there are people here who love you and need you and care about you. These thoughts come and go I have them as well. Wait a couple of days and it will get better.
I hope you will feel better soon,

Hugs,

sparkling

Thanks, Sparkling. I sure hope you are right and these thoughts just GO. It's difficult though, when your own doctor says it scares her.

(((((((((((((((((((( Tomi ))))))))))))))))))))))))

Dearest Tomi,

I know you must be terrified. Seeing auras and seeing family that have passed must be horrifying.

You said:
The fact that in reality, there's nothing left for me to live for, no purpose in my life, has been uppermost in my mind. Nothing I have, nothing I do, no one I know makes me want to go on. No one needs me.

You're wrong, Tomi. I know we are not irl, but you have tons of friends here who love and need you. You have no idea how reassuring it is to know you are out there and all I have to do is type something and you're always there for me. Always. My own Mom doesn't even do that for me, Tomi. You are needed, loved, appreciated and not taken for granted by all of us.

I will pray very hard for you. If you have these feelings, then go ahead and write things for your grandchildren, but know that God is God and only He knows when we will pass. He and He alone is in charge of us.

Love and hugs,

Jan

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jan}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thank you my sweet friend. You say "irl". It IS Real Life. There are real people sitting at the other end of the line who impact us daily. It just lacks a little that we can't see and touch each other.

I know you care about me a great deal, but for the life of me, I can't see why. At least, not right now. But I've said it before, "You (PC) are my family, my friends, those that feel my emotional state." I don't know what I would have done without you for the last three years.

It's just sacrier than heck to start having the same symptoms those gone before you had. Brings you face to face with your own mortality. Hopefully, the fact that I'm resisting will win out and nothing worse come of this... at least not for a long time. But when my mom had her first stroke, I knew I was destined to the same end. It's scary! If I knew that my loved ones here would be around me, I wouldn't be so scared. As it is, most of my own kids are estranged from me... and I don't want any death bed pleadings of forgiveness. "If you love me, tell me NOW!"

{{{{{{{{{{{{Jan}}}}}}}}}}}}} You know I love you, don't you, Hon??

(((((((((((((((((((( Tomi )))))))))))))))))))

Of course I love you!!!! If I haven't told you before, please forgive me. I should have.

You knew about strokes like I knew about cancer...but that doesn't mean they'll beat us. It just means another battle to fight and win.

You can do it, Tomi. With God's help, all things are truly possible.

Love and hugs,

Jan

Jan, honey, I didn't mean for YOU personally to tell me now that you love me. I meant my kids. I told John to tell his sister I wasn't going for her coming to my death bed to ask for forgiveness or to make up with me. By then, it will be too late. Now John isn't talking to me, either. I don't know that I want him knowing what's going on. I should have put this in Supporter's forum! Who knows if Christina is still reading. She probably wouldn't tell him, anyway... Oh, well... I have you guys.

SeptemberMorn

Thanks, Hon. Every little bit helps.

(((((((( SeptemberMorn )))))))))))))
Hang in there, and know you are loved.

I was just reading through this thread and I noticed "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart. - Helen Keller" and the first thought that came to my mind was you.

{{{{{{{{{Roe}}}}}}}}}} Thanks, Hon.

I don't know what to say to that!

I certainly appreciate the thought {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{RadioFlyer}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

The new meds just arrived. Crestor, like I said and Lisinopril 10 mg for BP. She said she'd be reducing my Toprol next month. Noooo! That's what keeps the palpiations away! Then this refill of Clonazepam says only .5 mg in the morning.

And these are my "golden years"??? Lord help me!

Just getting to this thread, Tomi we have been through so much here at PC, you are very much a family member to us (me and the littles) you have so much good in you, Tomi please don't despair my Mama (grandmother) had 11 slight strokes and everytime she came back from the hospital fine, she lived a very hard life and she raised 2 little girls that no one wanted.
Tomi have faith and know you are loved.
Angie

Just a thought, Tomi, realize there are newer and better meds than years ago that can help prevent strokes.
My mom is on various ones, and (fingers crossed) is doing alright, she just has to try to lose weight and become more active, "her daughter" should also lose weight and get in shape, too.
Oh well, we try.
Sept, take care, and try not to worry too much.

(((((((((( SeptemberMorn ))))))))))))))))

You are an inspiration to me... I felt so alone before I found this forum. Your words of wisdom have meant a great deal to me when I've struggled.

My Mom had a reumatic heart, she had a tough time but with medications she lived to be 82. The medications are remarkable.

It was also very scary for me when I had the chemical stress test - it emulated a heart attack for me. A place I had been there many times before with my own Mom and my Grandma. It thru me for a loop until I realized that I am not my Mom nor am I my grandma who I held as she had a heart attack.

My Mom DIDN"T take the path of my grandma, nor will I. Despite the problems my Mom had - again she lived a full life.

I can sooooo relate to how scary it is... my heart goes out to you and I will continue to pray for you.

My words are meant as encouragement ,,,,, the very last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you because I do care.

Sincerely,
Lu

(((tomi))) I can so identify with you hon. every time I have been afraid of my health I feel the same way. the good thing is you are under a drs care now and they can find whatever is happening with you right now. You have plenty to live for my dear friend!! Maybe it is depression that is making you see the loved ones. they know you are having a rough time and are there to give comfort. I will be in touch with you tonight. I have to go to a wake tonight but I will be on later tonight. I need to hear your voice/ much love to you hon.
Elaine

(((( Tomi )))) I'm sorry I am just now getting to this thread. You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. Love ya...

Jenn