[2Hope]

Hello. It would be helpful to have a dialogue with another pastor's wife that is a Christian. Anybody interested?

[2Hope]

Still looking.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
There are many individuals here who self-identify as Christian 2Hope. There's also many people here who have spouses. Although it may not be exactly what you were looking for, there's probably people here who can understand what you might be going through and offer some suggestions or support to you.

[(JD)]

SE, she's asking because being the wife of a minister is a totally different situation than most Christians are aware of...and the minister's wife has no one to go to (Well, God, of course) with feelings and upsets and the like because everyone envisions the minister to be "almost perfect and able to walk on water."

It's a very tough ministry and calling, imo. One the average person can't begin to fathom. Sorry, no offense, just the facts.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
...everyone envisions the minister to be "almost perfect and able to walk on water."

Gee, that sounds like a lot of the people here who feel that they have to live up to the expectations of those around them and maintain an image so they can feel loved and accepted by others. Sooner or later, they have to set aside those expectations of perfection in acknowledgement of their humaness.

But you're probably right Sky -- no one could possibly understand what she might be going through. Certainly none of the "average" people here.

[nowheretorun]

jsut responding to you s_e .. havent yet read all the posts.. not even _Skys' ..

sometimes i truly have felt that no one but God understands.... i have listened and spoken with God in silence.. at times, God was my only comforter....

[Perna]

My college roommate is a pastor's wife (and I'm good friends with her husband too as they met and became engaged while I was her roommate http://www.asiamission.org/4597.html ) and I worked with a Southern Baptist's pastors wife for 2 years. Sky's right, pastors wives do have a much different road than we "average" people here.

2Hope, I would suggest you look for organizations like Sarah's Tent http://sarahstent.com/HowWeBegan.htm and see if you can find pastors wives there that have similar concerns as yours?

[SeptemberMorn]

Thank you, Perna, for your truly helpful reply!

I'm not a pastor's wife, although that's one of the things my mother wanted for me. One of my life's icons, my oldest aunt, was a minister's wife. I saw her go through a lot of suffering, allienation and having to "live up to". Back in those days, there weren't organizations like Sarah's Tent. The grandmother, my aunt's mother, sure wasn't any support to her. If anything, the old crone was an albatros around her neck and a shame to the whole family. My uncle relied on my aunt very heavily to "come along side him" in his ministry. Most of the men in that family of 13 were ministers. I've seen what a minister's wife goes through. Sky is right on that score, too.

2Hope, I hope you find the support and dialoge you're looking for and need. Sometimes we need someone "with skin on," right?

2Hope

My friend for as long as my children were babys has been a minister's wife. Her and I were in Biz with each other. she always had her husband to go to. Also her very close friends just like anyone of us.
She still to this day enjoys it. I can say she treats it like a job or a calling. But she is not everwhemed by it. She as a person has grown with it.
She is her own person. She knows in her heart god is there. Always... ....
She is just like you and me......
In her eyes we are all the same. As she has told me many times.
If she has a issue.....she has many friends in her church she goes to.
Plus ppl outside of the church.
She has never been unhappy with marrying her husband.

My friend she loves and accepts herself and all others.............

[BlueFaith]

As the daughter of a pastor, I watched my mother go through some hard times when she felt like she had no one to turn to. I can understand that. I hope you find the support you are looking for.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
NW: sometimes i truly have felt that no one but God understands...

I've had some moments like that myself, NW, especially in the beginning. It can be particularly isolating to feel that there is no one else who understands or has had your experience. However, isolation increases pain and one's sense of personal burden so it's important to find others who can identify on some level with your experience, even if they can't identify with it exactly.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

And I've had people, many times, say to me, "This pain that I feel, I think no one else in the world feels this." And then I can say to them with tremendous confidence: "Wrong."

But what is not wrong is that we do have that feeling often, that I am the only one that has this particular pain. So maybe it will be quite a challenge to you to say this and it might not seem genuine. But even that is beginning to shake up your complacency about pain being just your individual burden. It somehow shakes it up just to even contemplate that other people feel this.

And in many cases my own experience is just that, that which could become so introverted, a downward spiral of depression and isolation -- just the thought that other people feel this opens it up. It's what Trungpa Rinpoche used to call, "Thinking Bigger".

And I think I've said this before, I'll say it again, that compassion or the sense of shared humanity, of our kinship with each other, this is what heals.

Source: The Spirit of Tonglen


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Meantime, in spite of no one being able to understand, as based on the responses thus far, it would seem that more might understand than had been considered.

Best of luck to you 2hope.

[nowheretorun]

i find your insight truly valuable s_e . thank you very much...

good wishes 2hope.. i hope i did not derail the thread for you...

i get from this thread that reaching out and reaching in and reaching upwards are common to many.... and many at times seek... and others find and share....

to me that is a great healing event

thank you for this thread...

[BalishBun]

cant say that i am.

[SeptemberMorn]

I do believe that this thread has been derailed and the understanding, supportive posts are few. Also noticed that 2Hope hasn't posted again. Let's pray that we haven't scared her away with our own issues.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
SeptemberMorn: I do believe that this thread has been derailed and the understanding, supportive posts are few. Also noticed that 2Hope hasn't posted again. Let's pray that we haven't scared her away with our own issues.

Who knows. It could be she's simply getting comfortable.

I believe I last saw 2Hope in the Depression Sucks *** discussion. Meanwhile, she's filled out a bit of info on her profile and she sounds (to me, anyway) remarkably human. She's a wife, mother, and grandmother of eight! Clearly, she's had some difficult moments for she self identifies as having an eating disorder and also notes that stress may have contributed to a breakdown. I'm not in any position to point fingers on that one but I feel confident that many of us average human beings can empathize with some of her struggles.

Ms. Hope also enjoys reading, writing, creating art, golfing and dancing. Meantime, speaking of derailing....

"I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me..."

Music of the Hour:

(((((2Hope ))))))
I never should have posted on this thread as i am not a pasters wife.

I hope i did not derail the thread for you..
I wish my friend was here to talk to you.

[nowheretorun]

i also am not a pastors wife... my apologies if yo were offended 2Hope.. it was the lack of response you recieved which motivated me to reply in the first place... didnt want anyone to feel ignored and like s_e, felt that some offer of help and understanding was better than none....

[KathyM]

I'm not a pastor's wife either - or a Christian for that matter - but I hope 2Hope doesn't feel her thread is derailed. It looks like we don't have any other pastor wives here, but there are plenty of us here to support you in any way we can.

I'm very familiar with the Christian way and I think I have a pretty good understanding of the pressures you face as a pastor's wife. Feel free to use us as your Sanctuary.

[(JD)]

2hope, I would be happy to PM or post with you.

I am really busy right now, so don't be offended if I don't reply right back.

[2Hope]

Thank you, Sky and Spiritual Emergency, for answering. I'm sorry it took me several days to answer your posts.

There are things that pastors' wives experience that are different than other women in congregations of churches. And each individual's experience is her own, just as my experience with depression is mine and someone else's experience is hers/his. There may be similarities, but the histories are different.

I am always uncertain what to share as a minister's wife about things that have been deeply hurtful, because I would not want to turn anyone off having a wonderful relationship with the Lord or to joining a church.

I am going to answer a couple of others on this thread, so I will keep this short. I don't know people are more likely to see my answer if I answer them separately or not. I am still a newbie, so I am limited to how many post I can make in a day.

Hugs,

Hope

[2Hope]

nowheretorun,

I know what you meant when you wrote, "sometimes i truly have felt that no one but God understands.... i have listened and spoken with God in silence.. at times, God was my only comforter.... " There are times I have no words left.

"And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." Romans 8: 26-27

Hope

[(JD)]

Either way you wish to reply is fine. Even in PM, replies work! TC

[2Hope]

Thank you Perna and September Morn. Muffy, thx to you too. I am glad your friend, who is a minister's wife, is doing so well. I am thankful that we don't all have the same experiences. We all have different things in life to deal with, and some seem to deal better than others. Moreover, I know that God knows what's going on even when I don't. I'm human, I have an illness called depression; and He does teach me through this. We are just meeting, and I could probably write several books about my life. I doubt you guys would want to read them right now and I really don't want to write one right now. LOL.

[2Hope]

MP, it's very nice of you to answer my post. It's not always easy being a PK either. But you know, everyone here has different things to deal with. That's just part of being human.

Hope

[2Hope]

If I haven't answered anybody that has replied individually, please don't be offended. I am amazed at the response to my post and oh so grateful. You all have been kind to acknowledge me.

Hope