[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by jaynedough

I'm having a hard time not totally shutting down. I can feel myself retreating inwards.

Possible trigger:

I hate myself so much. I don't want to be alive anymore. I'm so tired.

[CrazyLo]

Originally Posted by Zeus123

I guess not enough. I let him talk me out of it yesterday. I know in my heart that it's the right thing to do. It doesn't matter if I'm the exception! At home, I start to resent him for not understanding. It's not easy for me to negotiate this. I'm ashamed that we can't afford it! What else can I do besides changing T which I don't want to do that. Ugh! It stinks!

I would try to keep talking to him. And try not to feel ashamed about not being able to afford it. Therapy is soooo expensive! I am broke all of the time. It sucks.

[Zeus123]

Originally Posted by CrazyLo

I would try to keep talking to him. And try not to feel ashamed about not being able to afford it. Therapy is soooo expensive! I am broke all of the time. It sucks.

Being broke sucks period. This is familiar to me but somewhat new. I am to blame for my current situation. Most of episodes I believed I was rich so I spent just about everything. I was completely delusional. Now this my harsh reality and I hate it. We are at rock bottom. It's hard to be positive like at least we still have our home. It's hard to be grateful when I feel insecured and scared. I try to put on a happy face for my kids. But it's killing me inside. 😞

[CrazyLo]

Maybe you are to blame but it's not your fault. Like you said, you were delusional. You are sick, and you wouldn't have done it otherwise. Try not to feel so guilty...even though I know it's hard to do. The aftermath of psychosis is always not good. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

[Zeus123]

Originally Posted by CrazyLo

Maybe you are to blame but it's not your fault. Like you said, you were delusional. You are sick, and you wouldn't have done it otherwise. Try not to feel so guilty...even though I know it's hard to do. The aftermath of psychosis is always not good. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Thank you for understanding! My extended family doesn't get me so it's hard to find support. I feel lonely in my thoughts most of the time. I am grateful for this forum and people like you!

[falcon09]

I'm sorry I don't come in here more often, I really need to.

[Zeus123]

Originally Posted by falcon09

I'm sorry I don't come in here more often, I really need to.

I know how you feel, I forget to check in too. Welcome back! 😊

[CrazyLo]

Originally Posted by falcon09

I'm sorry I don't come in here more often, I really need to.

I only remember because I'm subscribed to this thread...otherwise I wouldn't, either!

[Blue_Bird]

Going to the state fair this Sunday, nervous as hell but I am determined to make it through.

I started tapering off Depakote today. I've gained too much weight with it. I will stay on the Invega shot but my goal is to get off all the other meds since I think they're unnecessary

[Victoria'smom]

Blue bird I'm hoping to do the same thing.

[CrazyLo]

Really happy and positive today, but having a lot of obsessive thoughts which is sometimes a sign of impending psychosis for me. I also feel very sick today...very nauseous...been like this every day. But I'm starting to wonder if it's the coffee. Very plausible, because when I only have one cup in the morning instead of two, I am much less nauseous or even not nauseous at all. Anyway, it's important for me to eat to keep the nausea at bay, but the nausea makes me not want to eat. It's a conundrum! But anyway...I'm sure I'll make it through. Like I said, I'm very positive today!

[CrazyLo]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

A zombie version of Hello Kitty lol

I know this is an older post, but I am hoping you will post a picture of this tattoo once it's done. I'm very curious to see what a zombie Hello Kitty looks like! LOL

[Zeus123]

Originally Posted by CrazyLo

Really happy and positive today, but having a lot of obsessive thoughts which is sometimes a sign of impending psychosis for me. I also feel very sick today...very nauseous...been like this every day. But I'm starting to wonder if it's the coffee. Very plausible, because when I only have one cup in the morning instead of two, I am much less nauseous or even not nauseous at all. Anyway, it's important for me to eat to keep the nausea at bay, but the nausea makes me not want to eat. It's a conundrum! But anyway...I'm sure I'll make it through. Like I said, I'm very positive today!

Try sniffing rubbing alcohol to stop the nausea. It helps me. Good luck!

[CrazyLo]

Originally Posted by Zeus123

Try sniffing rubbing alcohol to stop the nausea. It helps me. Good luck!

Oh man, that would NOT help me...I did a lot of binge drinking back in the day and now I can't drink because just the smell makes me feel so sick. Thanks though! lol

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Going to the state fair this Sunday, nervous as hell but I am determined to make it through.

I started tapering off Depakote today. I've gained too much weight with it. I will stay on the Invega shot but my goal is to get off all the other meds since I think they're unnecessary

weird, i'm going to the county fair tomorrow. only because i want to take my son. he shouldn't have to be isolated because i have issues. lawl. i hate crowds, but i can handle it. barely. as long as no one steps on my shoes or bumps into me. good luck smiles because there is a beer garden.

other than that, all is well in smiley land.
might get my cheeks pierced.

[CrazyLo]

Originally Posted by smilesandcries

weird, i'm going to the county fair tomorrow. only because i want to take my son. he shouldn't have to be isolated because i have issues. lawl. i hate crowds, but i can handle it. barely. as long as no one steps on my shoes or bumps into me. good luck smiles because there is a beer garden.

other than that, all is well in smiley land.
might get my cheeks pierced.

I've really been wanting to get my nose pierced! I've wanting to since I was a teenager...over 10 years ago...but I used to think that big noses like mine were not fit for nose rings. But now I don't care. I used to have a labret and eye brow was pierced. Took both out and now I just have a bunch of ear piercings. Love getting piercings...those don't hurt me. But tattoos hurt like a b^^^^!!!

i have my septum pierced. the piercer said it would feel like getting punched in the face, it didn't. and i have been punched in the face, haha, the nose even. i have such a high tolerance for pain. sometimes i get so numb. recently that is why i went and got tattooed, so i could feel. it just feels like fire. the healing part hurt more than the actual getting tattooed. probably because my muscle felt like i over worked it out or something, like nerve damage. HAHAHA.

getting tattooed feels like being burnt with a lighter, being pierced feels like a bee sting.
to me anyway.

well, the fair was fun. glad i went, almost didn't go. cause i was very pissed off before i was about to go. went anyway, promised my kid i'd take him. i'd look like an asshole if i didn't. got a pulled pork sandwich. 8)
no one stepped on my shoes. and no one was a jerk. good times.

[CrazyLo]

Originally Posted by smilesandcries

i have my septum pierced. the piercer said it would feel like getting punched in the face, it didn't. and i have been punched in the face, haha, the nose even. i have such a high tolerance for pain. sometimes i get so numb. recently that is why i went and got tattooed, so i could feel. it just feels like fire. the healing part hurt more than the actual getting tattooed. probably because my muscle felt like i over worked it out or something, like nerve damage. HAHAHA.

getting tattooed feels like being burnt with a lighter, being pierced feels like a bee sting.
to me anyway.

See, for me piercings feel like a bunch of pressure...maybe a little pinch...but not really any pain. However, I only have one tattoo so far but when I got it, it felt like getting stung by a bee over and over again! I got it on the bottom of my wrist which I know is a sensitive area...so maybe my next one won't feel so bad. But I was a total wuss while I was getting the tattoo lol.

Originally Posted by CrazyLo

See, for me piercings feel like a bunch of pressure...maybe a little pinch...but not really any pain. However, I only have one tattoo so far but when I got it, it felt like getting stung by a bee over and over again! I got it on the bottom of my wrist which I know is a sensitive area...so maybe my next one won't feel so bad. But I was a total wuss while I was getting the tattoo lol.

my pain tolerance is extremely high. in fact, i laugh.
must be all that childhood trauma,
hahahahahahahahadshjdaskjhfkjasfhkjahf.
*walks off*

BLUEBIRD!!!!!!!! HOW WAS THE FAIR?
and how is everyone doing?

[CrazyLo]

Originally Posted by smilesandcries

my pain tolerance is extremely high. in fact, i laugh.
must be all that childhood trauma,
hahahahahahahahadshjdaskjhfkjasfhkjahf.
*walks off*

BLUEBIRD!!!!!!!! HOW WAS THE FAIR?
and how is everyone doing?

That's really funny but also very sad.... lol

[CrazyLo]

I am doing alright. Since Friday I have been having minor delusions that last for a few minutes and then dissipate. I also figured out what was making me so nauseous and giving me tummy cramps all the time: it was my Fanapt. So I stopped taking it (shhh...don't tell anyone)! I'm hoping to see the pdoc tomorrow and figure something out. I mean, who would want to keep taking something that makes them sick? Of course I'm gonna stop taking it!

Been extremely social and getting home really late at night. Not sure what that's about.

i just feel hate.

[Blue_Bird]

The fair was a lot of fun! I went in the early afternoon and didn't get home till after 1 am, (it's an hour away ad there was a concert i the evening we went to.) I've just been sleeping the past few days because all that walking wore me out lol

[CrazyLo]

I feel great! Been feeling great for a week now! Can't decide yet if I'm TOO happy. I hope this is just how I am when I'm normal. I don't really know what my "normal" is because I've always been depressed when I'm not manic, for years and years and years.