[CopperStar]

What would you say are the differences for you between psychosis with a mood swing, and psychosis without a mood swing? Doesn't psychosis give you unpleasant emotions, and could that feel like the same thing as having a mood swing? I imagine it would be hard to tell if you are having a mood swing or not while experiencing psychosis? But I wanted to ask and not just assume.

I'm asking because I'm wondering if I actually fit better under this diagnosis than BP1 with psychosis and if I should eventually ask my pdoc about it. I'm not even sure if it would make a difference in my medication options if it were true.

Like an episode I had about a year ago, it involved a lot of paranoia. I became terrified of my roommates and thought they were out to harm me in some way, that they were plotting and that they hated me. I wound up running away, and before I left I smashed my laptop so they couldn't use it to try to find me, then I locked my bedroom door and fell out of the window to escape. I was trying to buy myself time to get away before them realizing I had escaped. I wound up fleeing all the way to another state, where I was on a mission given to me by higher powers to find someone. It was all very vague and irrational and unfortunately cost me dearly in the end, as I wound up homeless for a while and went through some bad stuff.

However I don't really recall being depressed, nor feeling euphoric, or really feeling much of anything throughout all of it, except for the paranoia towards my roommates. I was mostly just focused on my mission.

Does that sound similar to things any of you experience?

[Blue_Bird]

I guess it would depend on the severity of the mood swing, ie are you looking for severe manic behavior or really bad depression. There's a difference between having a full blown mood episode versus a varying mood that doesn't go to any extremes

What you describe sounds like an episode of psychosis that happened outside of any type of severe mood swing. That's typically what happens in Schizoaffective Disorder.

(we have the smashing our computers in common, did that when I thought the FBI was after me... )

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I guess it would depend on the severity of the mood swing, ie are you looking for severe manic behavior or really bad depression. There's a difference between having a full blown mood episode versus a varying mood that doesn't go to any extremes

What you describe sounds like an episode of psychosis that happened outside of any type of severe mood swing. That's typically what happens in Schizoaffective Disorder.

(we have the smashing our computers in common, did that when I thought the FBI was after me... )

Thank you for the reply, I appreciate it. I am still trying to piece things together. It's been tough because over the years the only person I ever spoke consistently with was my mother, but either she never recognized psychosis when it was happening, or she didn't care. So when I should have been hospitalized, I always just wound up getting hurt instead. Like before I ran away to that state, I sent my mother an email telling her about my mission and detailing my plans. Looking back while stable, I can see that I was clearly not thinking right at all and was off my rocker. My mother basically just told me good luck. I never realized I was psychotic until I was almost dead and it was over.

[Spectrolite7]

i remember when i used to have uncontrollable mood swings and they didn't feel good.. it felt like i was just blogging about the same thing over and over about what happened in my past... but now I just get angry about the current moments and i was diagnosed with schizoaffective bi polar... Im not sure if that makes sense...

Im just so angry a lot because things dont work out and some people dont understand me.. my mind and thoughts are like jumbled up so i can't remember what to say sometimes... i just try to make what im saying sound right..

I don't know how one would detect that... the whole thing confuses me.

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by Spectrolite7

i remember when i used to have uncontrollable mood swings and they didn't feel good.. it felt like i was just blogging about the same thing over and over about what happened in my past... but now I just get angry about the current moments and i was diagnosed with schizoaffective bi polar... Im not sure if that makes sense...

Im just so angry a lot because things dont work out and some people dont understand me.. my mind and thoughts are like jumbled up so i can't remember what to say sometimes... i just try to make what im saying sound right..

I don't know how one would detect that... the whole thing confuses me.

It confuses me, too. Sometimes I think I actually just have a lot to be very angry about, but it's so horrible and exhausting to live with that I don't even mind if pdocs blame it on mental illness, if they can make it go away.

[Victoria'smom]

My depression feels like I'm getting the flu. Mania feel powerful and angry. Both effect my sleep. When I'm normal my sleep is around 8hrs, I'm not feeling weird but my thoughts are off. The meds to control bp1 plus psychosis and scizoaffective are the same

[Spectrolite7]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

It confuses me, too. Sometimes I think I actually just have a lot to be very angry about, but it's so horrible and exhausting to live with that I don't even mind if pdocs blame it on mental illness, if they can make it go away.

i'm not even sure if my diagnosis is correct... i might have more than schizoaffective bipolar type... which it makes things worse to fix.

I remember i just felt so annoyed when i got diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar type knowing good and well that my anger stemmed from the fact that my life is messed up and i want change... which is a reason to be angry... and it seemed like they were trying to say that the anger was bipolar.. or something ... but i'm not even sure anymore what they thought really..

i remember there was this one time in my life that i was actually going through with this illness when it actually did feel like it... and i was getting bipolar symptoms because my depression, mania and sadness just did not stop...and i guess I started to cut, and also self-medicate more and more and maybe that's why they said is was bipolar... but the uncontrollable emotions kind of started to stop and instead turned into anger because of thing not working out... i hope this makes sense...

[avlady]

it sounds like a pshycotic break, i really don't know much about them, but i do suffer with them myself.

[gemini_double]

That sounds all too familiar for me. I became paranoid of everyone I knew, and ran away to another state. There was maybe a half ounce of sanity left in my mind during my breakdown as I returned home and checked in. I didn't end up homeless though, I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's difficult to tell with the mood swings because you feel it and your mind perceives it as reality. I am a very self aware person. I pay close attention to my moods and thoughts and analyze them all the time. It isn't burdensome to do so, I've just become acclimated. That being said, mood swings are the definition of psychosis, for me. 10 minutes I'll be fine, thinking about the beautiful world, beautiful music, beautiful sky, beautiful humanity. The next 10 I'll be thinking about something somebody said, or meant, or why the lyrics in that song say just that, and then my mood tanks.

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by Spectrolite7

i'm not even sure if my diagnosis is correct... i might have more than schizoaffective bipolar type... which it makes things worse to fix.

I remember i just felt so annoyed when i got diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar type knowing good and well that my anger stemmed from the fact that my life is messed up and i want change... which is a reason to be angry... and it seemed like they were trying to say that the anger was bipolar.. or something ... but i'm not even sure anymore what they thought really..

i remember there was this one time in my life that i was actually going through with this illness when it actually did feel like it... and i was getting bipolar symptoms because my depression, mania and sadness just did not stop...and i guess I started to cut, and also self-medicate more and more and maybe that's why they said is was bipolar... but the uncontrollable emotions kind of started to stop and instead turned into anger because of thing not working out... i hope this makes sense...

You make sense to me. I've had a pretty rough life with one bad thing after another that was beyond my control. Currently I'm at the lowest point I've ever been with no job, no money, no car, no friends, no hobbies, no independence.. the only thing I really have left in life is my younger brother. I don't see a way out, either. I'm dependent upon a parent who has a history of abuse and neglect towards me, and who still to this day is always playing games, even when it comes to me getting proper help. Even if I did manage to get a job, it's probably going to be minimum wage, probably not full time hours. I don't see how I will ever be independent, and don't think I could qualify for disability, since my mother never took me to the hospital even when I was obviously psychotic or suicidal, so I don't have much of a medical history. I feel backed into a corner in life right now. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to tell normal anger from mental illness anger. Wouldn't even "normal" people be angry in such a situation? I notice that during my episodes of extreme rage or agitation, it tends to be directed only at certain people, there seems to be a rhyme and reason to it. But in the end I'm still powerless, the only move left for me to make on the board would be a violent outburst and then surrendering to life in prison. "Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage" as the Smashing Pumpkins say.

[Spectrolite7]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

It confuses me, too. Sometimes I think I actually just have a lot to be very angry about, but it's so horrible and exhausting to live with that I don't even mind if pdocs blame it on mental illness, if they can make it go away.

Originally Posted by CopperStar

You make sense to me. I've had a pretty rough life with one bad thing after another that was beyond my control. Currently I'm at the lowest point I've ever been with no job, no money, no car, no friends, no hobbies, no independence.. the only thing I really have left in life is my younger brother. I don't see a way out, either. I'm dependent upon a parent who has a history of abuse and neglect towards me, and who still to this day is always playing games, even when it comes to me getting proper help. Even if I did manage to get a job, it's probably going to be minimum wage, probably not full time hours. I don't see how I will ever be independent, and don't think I could qualify for disability, since my mother never took me to the hospital even when I was obviously psychotic or suicidal, so I don't have much of a medical history. I feel backed into a corner in life right now. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to tell normal anger from mental illness anger. Wouldn't even "normal" people be angry in such a situation? I notice that during my episodes of extreme rage or agitation, it tends to be directed only at certain people, there seems to be a rhyme and reason to it. But in the end I'm still powerless, the only move left for me to make on the board would be a violent outburst and then surrendering to life in prison. "Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage" as the Smashing Pumpkins say.

That's a difficult situation to be in, I'm kind of in a similar situation... I don't know how i will ever be independent.. I'm thinking about becoming a certified dog trainer, maybe that will make me independent in some way but I'm still trying to earn enough money to have enough to get certified and once I'm a dog trainer, I could have my own hours and get paid what I would like to charge for my services...

That is kind of a bad situation that you were not sent to get help for your problems.. Most of the time in my life, I did it myself, I went and sought help without my mother knowing... even when I was in high school, I did the same thing too so I go a long way trying to get help for my problems... if my mother knew about it, I would feel kind of embarrassed.

If you can go and try to get help on your own, that may help you... and because of your situation, you may try to get SSI and that might help you in some way too which is what I'm also trying to do. I'm appealing my SSI decision because I know I need help and my illness is a reason why I can't consistently start something and finish it and do that every day... like it's hard to accomplish things and also the depression and mania, make my sleep patterns horrible, so it's hard to think of having a job when my sleep patterns get in the way of how well rested and stable enough i am for a job.. I kind of feel like getting SSI will help me gain some independence... by helping me to pay for the tools I need to create something for myself that will help me become independent.. but that help is so important, without it, I'll be stuck living with my mother in horrible conditions.

I hope things work out for you... what you're going through does sound stressful... I'm sorry to hear about your pain... things will get better, it's hard to look at life and not see hope but I believe things will work out... you will be ok. Keep talking, asking for help and you will get the help you deserve... you know you are drowning in that pain and because of that wouldn't it make sense to ask for help? it makes sense... keep asking for help...