[Breaking Dawn]

I feel sad for you, @Deilla. Maybe when this pandemic is over you can get out there & make some new friends, volunteering or a yoga class or a book club, etc. Maybe you can use your guided imagery to plan for that time when things are back to normal. Hugs & love!

[Deilla]

Thank you! I found another therapist. I hope this one works out. Therapy is the only support for me. So I'm really glad I found another person. I'll try to be patient with the process and tell myself that relationships, even therapeutic ones, take time.

[bpforever1]

The company cut my hours but I am still working about 20 hours a week. I feel ok because there was a holiday this week and had two days off. Life is not too bad. I was really tired this morning after doing my shift then took a long afternoon nap. I feel better now. I drank some coffee too which is nice. I stopped drinking coffee for awhile but now am drinking it again. I love coffee!! It really perks me up. I am feeling a whole lot better because of drinking coffee and doing my makeup. I joined a language exchange group which meets daily. I like it. Sometimes, I talk and am happy I can converse at a decent level in another language. I feel wonderful. At times, I am lonely but the language group is rather fun and has kept me preoccupied besides my work. I walked around yesterday but a typhoon is here so I need to stay inside. I feel okay and am grateful for my life, health, and job. I believe, I can survive as long as I take my medication.

[Deilla]

I am doing a lot better this afternoon. I decided to do something about a few health problems. So I'm glad that's working out. I just have to be patient. Things take time. I wish there was a magic pill to fix it all. Maybe in 20 years there will be.

[bpforever1]

There is a contract employee position available at my company. I applied for it. I will see what happens. It would be nice to receive benefits and become a permanent employee at a company. I am hoping for the best. I am really happy about the opportunities coming my way!! But, we shall see!! Life is a charm sometimes.

[Breaking Dawn]

@bpforever1, I have my fingers crossed for you.

[SlumberKitty]

8 months since I was in IP!

[Deilla]

My online therapist didn't respond today. I don't know what her schedule is like or anything. It's the weekend now. I'm concerned I may not get a response until late Monday. By then it will be too late. I was dealing with a lot of anxiety today. It would have been nice to get some support. I just have to lower my expectations and accept that I have no support. I don't want to take on a victim role. There are things I can do. I can find another therapist. But I will give this until mid next week to decide. But I really must let everything go. I'm tired of being disappointed every single day.

[bpforever1]

Life is ok. I slept most of the day. I feel rejuvenated. I have two more classes then will attend a language exchange meeting. I am doing ok.

Life could be worse. My brother is trying to pull me down again by telling me how bad the economy is in my country meaning there is not much of a future here. He is such an ***. Well, the economy is bad everywhere now. Duh! I know I am lucky and blessed to have a job. He is so negative and mean. I don't know how he lives with himself. All he does is talk badly about others. Unfortunately, he is not doing well himself. I realize I can't let him pull me down as he has in the past. I really can't stand the sight of him. My mother overprotected him,. He stays at home and does not pay rent. My mother says she can't kick him out without him having a decent job. Whatever!! He will never have a job or any job!! He keeps making fun of my illness and says he is not ill like me. Well, if you are not ill, then why aren't you working? He helps my father he says with the business but he does more harm than good. I wish I had a more loving family. But, he is the bane to my existence. Having a brother who wants the worst for me is really sad to accept but this is my reality. I hate to say this, but I hope he just disappears from my life for good. Nothing good has come from him. What a sad statement!
I do think my parents did something wrong with raising him but he is an adult now. He has to realize this. But, my parents enable him so there is no hope for him.

On a lighter note, I feel ok so life is not bad. I will survive and do my best!

[Breaking Dawn]

I am dealing with some things off & on, but I feel very fortunate to have many blessings. Today I have a nutritious meal planned & I hope to follow through on at least one of my important goals.

[Deilla]

I'm trying to feel better about everything. I may sleep a lot today. I'm not really sure what else I can do. I'm tired of all the disappointments. It's my fault though. I need a better attitude. I need to withdraw. I need to be able to stand on my own two feet.

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm here again. I am doing fine.

[Deilla]

I found a new therapist. She messaged me on her day off. I thought that was nice. That's much better than not responding. She says she responds 5 days a week, twice a day. That's her goal. She works M - F. So I feel good about that. I think this will work out.

[Breaking Dawn]

Yay, @Deilla! So good to hear! Celebrate with a cup of coffee?

[Deilla]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

Yay, @Deilla! So good to hear! Celebrate with a cup of coffee?

Cheers! Thanks so much for all the support! I hope everyone has a wonderful day today!!

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by Deilla

I found a new therapist. She messaged me on her day off. I thought that was nice. That's much better than not responding. She says she responds 5 days a week, twice a day. That's her goal. She works M - F. So I feel good about that. I think this will work out.

That sounds good. I hope this new therapist works out!

[Breaking Dawn]

Today has felt more like a weekend day for some reason, so a bit disorienting. Probably due to not enough sleep & maybe stress. Otherwise I'm doing pretty good. I've accomplished some small goals while I was afraid I wouldn't.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

Today has felt more like a weekend day for some reason, so a bit disorienting. Probably due to not enough sleep & maybe stress. Otherwise I'm doing pretty good. I've accomplished some small goals while I was afraid I wouldn't.

Yeah for accomplishing small goals! That's awesome! Sorry the day has been a bit discombobulating! HUGS Kit

[Deilla]

I did Okay today. I slept a lot cause I was sad, bored and lonely. But I feel better now. I'm playing my game, which always helps. What's nice about the game is I can spend time crafting in-game items and listen to the game music. It totally relaxes me.

[WastingAsparagus]

I don't even think I have schizoaffective anymore. I have some form of something else. I don't even know. Medicated me is fine. I don't know what my real self is like though.

I wish I could demolish any need for myself to take medication. Why is it, anyway, that these substances discovered by scientists help us with our illnesses anyway? This may sound insane, and if it does, just ignore it, but I feel like it's just uncanny that a substance would destroy our symptoms. The thing is, I feel like I'm 100% correct when I have the desire to go off my meds.

Then they teach us self acceptance and things like that. Why should I accept my medicated self? I wish I could accept my situation. The reality is just that I cannot though.

[childofchaos831]

My diagnosis got changed from schizoaffective depression to Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The psychosis is apparently part of the PTSD... it can cause some hallucination type symptomology.

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm almost certain there's absolutely nothing wrong with me up to three or four percent of the time.

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

I'm almost certain there's absolutely nothing wrong with me up to three or four percent of the time.

Omg, same. Maybe closer to 6 or 7 percent.

[Deilla]

I took the day off and played games all day. It was nice but now I'm tired. For some reason I am a little sad. I guess maybe I need sleep.

[MALmic26]

Saw a

Possible trigger:

severed head

in my bed last night... I was laying beside it and I didn’t know until I turned. The hair was blonde. I saw faces in the clouds this afternoon while on my walk. The faces on the bathroom floor won’t go away.. I’m tired of Schizoaffective Disorder...