[Deilla]

I'm ill today. It feels like the flu. I wonder if it's Covid-19 or if I made myself sick from worry and depression. I really have to relax more. I won't go get tested for Covid-19 because I'm afraid to drive downtown to the testing site. I'm also afraid of a long line.

[DudeAlex]

Deilla, I am sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better soon.

As for me, I am working on my sza (if in fact that is what I have, not bipolar), biting/picking, caffeine addiction, and one other compulsion.

I am doing well today. I played Rocksmith on Xbox for a few hours. My wife bought it for me on our anniversary, which was the 25th. I love her so much...

I meditated for one minute today, and I hope to meditate more in the future. I have done more in the recent past; it is just a matter of getting more into the habit again.

I am working on exercising more. I have not for the last several days, so I really want to get back on the exercise bike soon. We will see.

Well, that's about it. I wish everyone the best!
Peace,
Al

[bpforever1]

I'm doing ok. I was going to go to a bar with a woman until I was told the bar in that area is a cluster for covid-19. So, that was the end of that. I am doing well. I am still working mornings and nights. I like working because it gives me something to do and I get paid. I am making more money this month because I am getting more students. I hope I don't blow up though. So far so good. I am balancing my off time with places to eat and meeting new people. I am happy. Why shouldn't I be? I am working, eating out occasionally, and sleeping well. I take my medication at night now because I can sleep better this way. I am doing really well and am grateful for all that I have. I was once homeless and on the streets so living a semi-normal life is quite a impressive step for me. I feel great although I should exercise more. I am meeting another woman hopefully this weekend. She is really pretty and nice so far. So, life continues and is going well!!

[Deilla]

I feel better today. I'm just tired. I'm relaxing and reading. So that helps. I'm wondering if I was Ill because of stress. I have no where to go for a while. I will self-isolate to be on the safe side. Hopefully I can regain some energy.

[bpforever1]

I am doing fine. I'm busy but still have time to rest. I am happy. I went shopping for food today. Life is not bad. I could not sleep last night so took two pills but today I slept and feel a whole lot better. I have another additional student this week and am hoping that I won't receive anymore students for awhile because it is a lot of prep work. This heat is getting to me but I work inside so it is ok. It's when I turn off my air conditioner and fan that I feel the humidity and heat. It is making me stay awake at night. So, I ate out yesterday and today. I also cleaned up my apartment yesterday by vacuuming and cleaning the toilet. I also washed my clothes and threw out the trash. I feel ok but have papers still on the floor and forgot to buy folders again. I will buy them soon. I feel ok!! Life could not be better. I am meeting a woman next weekend and may meet another one this week but don't know for sure yet. It is ok. I just take it as it comes. I hope to find a friend and more!

[Deilla]

I still don't feel well. And I'm having a difficult morning. The tylenol isn't helping with my ear pain. I feel like I need to rest all day. But I'm falling behind on housework. My cat is doing well. Even though she didn't take her pill this morning. I tried putting it in a pill pocket and then in some cheese. I may have to try to put it in her mouth this morning. I'm really stressed out right now. I may go back to bed.

[Breaking Dawn]

Life is so interesting. So many twists & turns.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I'm doing ok. I was going to go to a bar with a woman until I was told the bar in that area is a cluster for covid-19. So, that was the end of that. I am doing well. I am still working mornings and nights. I like working because it gives me something to do and I get paid. I am making more money this month because I am getting more students. I hope I don't blow up though. So far so good. I am balancing my off time with places to eat and meeting new people. I am happy. Why shouldn't I be? I am working, eating out occasionally, and sleeping well. I take my medication at night now because I can sleep better this way. I am doing really well and am grateful for all that I have. I was once homeless and on the streets so living a semi-normal life is quite a impressive step for me. I feel great although I should exercise more. I am meeting another woman hopefully this weekend. She is really pretty and nice so far. So, life continues and is going well!!

So happy for you, forever.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Deilla

I still don't feel well. And I'm having a difficult morning. The tylenol isn't helping with my ear pain. I feel like I need to rest all day. But I'm falling behind on housework. My cat is doing well. Even though she didn't take her pill this morning. I tried putting it in a pill pocket and then in some cheese. I may have to try to put it in her mouth this morning. I'm really stressed out right now. I may go back to bed.

Hugs, Deilla.

[bpcyclist]

Been visiting my best bud in Seattle. Highlight of my whole year. Just lovely. Feeling okay, but my kitten, Albert, is really making sleep hard. He missed me and wants to party all night. He is basically a freshman frat brother. Ugh. Maybe a napski later.

Very excited. I think I am going to become Catholic, after doing a lot of reading. Yay! Was baptized in the Church of Christ as an adult, so there is not a ton of work. Meeting with a priest in a week or so. Yay!

Hugs.

[Deilla]

I got anxious yesterday and backed out of my Covid test. But I found a better testing place. It's a drive thru and it's right across from where I live. I go tomorrow. My cat cried cause she wouldn't take her medicine. I feel bad. Two sick spirits in one household is too much. She only has one pill left. I think I will wait until she's really hungry and put it in a pill pocket. I've just ordered chicken noodle soup and ice cream for me. I think it will help me to feel better.

[bpforever1]

I am doing ok. I get demands from my students though. They want more time and attention etc. I have to address these issues because customer satisfaction is everything. So, I spend my time trying to figure out how to meet their demands. I'm doing fine otherwise. I am not making much but am doing ok and can still eat out once a week at least. I am happy!! I decided to stay by myself instead of meeting more strangers for dates. I had a gut feeling that it is better for me to focus on my work and do my best. I work six days a week and am tired most of the time but do rest on my break time. I am still taking my medication daily and now drink a cup of coffee during my break time to give me some pep. I feel fine. The weather is horrible here but am cool inside with the air conditioner on. I am doing well and better than before. I want to become independent for good so want to make this a reality. I think my doctor back home realized I had potential and never allowed me to go on disability. I am glad I did not because it would have robbed my motivation to work. I like working but don't like the stress at times. I want to stay here indefinitely if possible. For me to do this, I will have to work hard. I'm only working about 20 hours a week but want to work about 25 hours a week. I thought 20 hours a week was my limit but now that I am doing this, I realize I can do more hours per week. So, I am satisfied with my life but need to focus on taking care of myself and work.

[Breaking Dawn]

Today I'll be going to the bank & then shopping for things I've been out of & looking forward to finally getting. I'm doing pretty good, in spite of a major challenge I have to deal with. I pray a lot & give myself pep talks.

[Deilla]

I am doing well today. My Covid test results were negative. And I feel so much better. I've been doing chores around the house, and today I took my car in to be serviced. It was a nice wait. I stayed busy on my phone. I survived. I was worried about taking care of my car for a while. It's all good until next year. Next is my doctor appointment for my back. I'm getting an injection. I believe it will really help me. I look forward to when I can walk around the block again.

[bpforever1]

I am doing well again. I was feeling really stressed out from work last week because of an incident with one student who did not want my corrections. But, today I rested and feel a whole lot better. I ate out and had a good time by myself. Then, I returned home and vegged for awhile. Afterwards, I cleaned my apartment and now am washing my clothes again. I threw out the trash. I feel renewed again. Thank God for my days off! The company is taking a vacation in about two week for about three days. I will cherish this time off although I won't be making money. I know my mental stability is more important than money so am really enjoying my days off by myself. I am glad I did not meet anymore people from the dating app. I just met the Italian man who I don't want to meet anymore because he is too weird for my head. I am happy alone for now. I will go out again tomorrow to shop for food and may be eat out for lunch. I am happy!! I was not this morning though. Rest really makes me feel good and recharged. Now, tomorrow, it is back to the grind again. I believe, I can focus a whole lot better this week!

[Deilla]

I am doing better after getting some more sleep this morning. I was up in the middle of the night feeling upset. I think I have worked things out. Today I plan to rest and relax.

[bpcyclist]

The whole west coast is on fire. Even in the city, you cannot see far or see the sky. Catastrophe. Still gotta exercise, so, going out in it in a few. Wish my lungs luck!!

[Deilla]

I had a very productive day today. And this evening was really nice. I had a series of positive events take place. That really cheered me up. I felt sad right before taking my nap. I am much better now.

[bpforever1]

I was feeling blue yesterday but feel a whole lot better after walking outside and eating out. I also took an extra dose of medication. I feel fine again!! I have stress from work but this is as usual. Some of my classes cancelled because of one reason or another. I am still doing about 20 hours a week of work. I was feeling stressed but realize I must overcome these feelings of stress and depression to survive. I will walk outside again tomorrow if the weather permits. I tried to feel good about myself so I am wearing decent clothes and put my make up on. I feel good!! I think the little things to cheer myself up really help. However, I talk to nobody except my students online. I do talk occasionally to my mother, but she talks about her problems mostly. So, it does not help me. I will be ok nevertheless. I don't need to coop myself up like a chicken so I will go out and walk around more. Life is looking better!

[MALmic26]

I feel so strongly that my teddy bears are actually alive. I’ve been talking to them and I hear them cry in my head. Besides that I’ve been hearing some voices. Like last night it was that of my brother even though he’s away at college, I heard him say something in my room. I wasn’t asleep. Visual hallucinations are not as active but the delusional thinking is. Any idea as to what I should do? I’ve been so anxious about school too.

[DudeAlex]

Recently I stopped a compulsive habit. So far, it has been about five days and I am going strong. I am also working on quitting caffeine and biting/picking. In the past, I quit marijuana, nicotine, and alcohol, so I am confident that I can quit these as well. Three down, three to go! Each time I quit a habit, the next one gets easier.

My schizoaffective disorder itself is basically under control. My moods sometimes get high, but I have not had any psychosis for years now. I am very grateful for this.

[bpforever1]

I feel a whole lot better after feeling burnt out this morning and afternoon. I slept for about 12 hours. I did not want to do anything. But, I got up and started cleaning the apartment again. I vacuumed, cleaned the toilet, and am washing my clothes. Life continues. I feel ok but was really wasted for awhile. I work six days a week and need the day off to recuperate. I only work about 20 hours a week but still get exhausted and stressed. I am doing ok again. I will cut down my hours though if I continually feel burnt out. My health and mental stability come first, not my job. So, I need to balance my work with my life. I will be ok. Life is not as grand but it is doable still.

[Breaking Dawn]

I am doing all right. I wish I had a little more energy for all the things I need & want to do. I did some reading this morning about equilibrium in the human body, because I've been doing a lot of thinking about how everything seems to seek this special balance, & if it isn't there, things seem to not function as well. For instance, if we are all work & no play, we can end up with an illness of some sort, physical or mental, or both. So anyway, I sense this need in myself for balance, for physical, mental, & spiritual things, things for general health & for the spirit.

[Deilla]

I started my day feeling sad, but I am doing better now. It's raining and I have my slider open. The temperature is 75 F. It feels nice. The cats love the rain. They are sitting by the window. I talked with my stepmom this morning. We had a good conversation. She is the only person that talks to me. I usually call her on Sunday. My day is a good one.

[Deilla]

I'm lonely tonight and bored. I went to bed at 2 pm today cause I was sad. Now I'm awake and I'm not sure what to do with myself. I no longer have a therapist. Normally I would post in my online room. But this last therapist I had was difficult to connect with. I've had a lot of trouble finding an online therapist, so I cancelled my account and asked for a refund. I used to check in with several friends each day. But only a few remain. Some have just vanished. Some don't feel well. I hope wherever they are they are doing Okay. I grow more and more lonely every day. I have no support from my family and the one good therapist I had, moved away.

I think today I will try to read some inspirational material. I wish I could connect with my spirit guide. That would be some form of companionship. Maybe I wouldn't feel so alone. But I do know that a lot of people feel lonely. Especially now with this pandemic.