[Shadowsinsideme]

hi,
I'm just curious if anyone else experiences their hallucinations like this:
The voices i hear, for the most part are internal.
There's two kinds.
One of them sounds like someone has implanted a microphone inside my brain and is turning up and down the volume on it now and then. But mostly, i hear voices in my mind..kind've the way one would hear their own thoughts, but they are not my thoughts. they are the thoughts/voices of other people and i have no control over them. Usually it is just mumbling and it is hard to understand. They have conversations with themselves and each other and sometimes they will comment on me and what im doing and thinking.

Also, a lot of my visual hallucinations are internal as well. It's like there is a TV screen inside of my head (it's not quite the same as the way someone sees their own thoughts) usually, i'll see things that are really unexplainable, out-of-this-world, and bizaar. Sometimes i see weird pictures of other people, or places, or gaping wounds with blood and such. Usually these internal visions come when i am in the dark or when my eyes are closed, but sometimes they come when my eyes are open and im in the light.
I have external visual hallucinations too..but not very severe. Mostly just seeing shadows out of the corners of my eyes or dark spots that look like bugs all over the wall and flying through the air. I also see objects and the walls and such moving- Like they are changing shape/breathing/pulsing/and flowing.

Then i also have all kinds of weird body feelings:
-can't tell where my arms hands legs are
-cant tell where the world starts and my body stops--everything just seems to flow together
-my body feels all distored and mixed up (the way a picaso painting looks)
-Dont recognize my own body parts-they feel alien and detatched from me
-my face changes
-other people's faces look weird

..these past couple months, i have felt other people possessing/inhibiting my body. I feel them move inside of me and take over my mind and such.

thanks for reading

-becka

[misty]

I have to tell you what you write/talk about is not wierd. Can I explain it to you? No but I can tell you, you are not alone. I've been dx'd with DID and have quit seeing my T cuz I do not trust him even though I know I should I just can't. Internal Hallucinations well, in T when I was going I found out those hallucinations were real and not hallucinations but flashbacks. Don't know if that helps any .
Are you seeing a T?
mlyn

[Shadowsinsideme]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I have to tell you what you write/talk about is not wierd. Can I explain it to you? No but I can tell you, you are not alone. I've been dx'd with DID and have quit seeing my T cuz I do not trust him even though I know I should I just can't. Internal Hallucinations well, in T when I was going I found out those hallucinations were real and not hallucinations but flashbacks. Don't know if that helps any .
Are you seeing a T?
mlyn

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I've been to many T's on and off since i was small. I just started seeing a new one, but i dont know about this one..i think i will try and find a different one.

I've been wondering about DID, i was diagnosed with schizophrenia, but i have so many internal hallucinations and depersonalization feelings, i have to wonder if i am not DID. My hallucinations arent flashbacks though. I have had a few in the past that felt like flashbacks, but i cant tell for sure if they were. And,I've never had another personality or anything like that.

well, thanks for your reply. It for sure helps to talk to other people who can
understand

-becka

[Kathyanita]

Hi shadows-
as ive read your posts in the forums and questions Ive wondered if youve ever had dissociative disorders ruled out -or confirmed. Maybe your T could administer the DES because this sounds like it applies to many of the symptoms you describe. The Stienberg book Stranger in the Mirror has these self- surveys and is published in soft-cover.

[MyMutatedMentality]

I sometimes get what you call internal hallucinations as i lay to go to sleep. i attribute it to lack of sleep/fried brain, from overusing the computer. Because i swear these little babies throw out PC-waves, that interfere with intelligence.

[MyMutatedMentality]

Your symptoms sound real harsh - what kind of hell is that?
Going back a year or two, sometimes i'd get so confused, i'd actually forget to breathe - as strange it sounds. I'd lay down to sleep and the voices would start, and i'd be dreaming while i was awake, analysing it. Likewise, the voices would air opinions and ramble amongst themselves - and occasionally they'd comment on my actions - like turning over my pillow for instance. "See, James knows how to have fun" they'd say. Then i'd have a mental image of Barbie growing a beard and getting old. The visuals were pretty constant. You see some mighty strange stuff - and they have a certain feeling to them. Very weird, very strange. Well that's all from me for now. Catch y'all later.

[Shadowsinsideme]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Hi shadows-
as ive read your posts in the forums and questions Ive wondered if youve ever had dissociative disorders ruled out -or confirmed. Maybe your T could administer the DES because this sounds like it applies to many of the symptoms you describe. The Stienberg book Stranger in the Mirror has these self- surveys and is published in soft-cover.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

HI Kathy, thanks for your suggestion. I'm looking for a new therapist and psychiatrist right now. I think im going to mention this to them and asked to be screened for dissosiative disorders.

I also have or schiz symptoms: negative symptoms, thought disruptions , paranoid delusions, delusions of reference, and grandoise delusions. Do you know if these can be part of a Dissosiative disorder too?
thanks.

-Becka

[Shadowsinsideme]

Thanks for your replies, mymutated

The voices and visions i have always get louder and more clear when i am falling off to sleep. I've been confused about that, because i've heard many times that it is somewhat normal to hear voices when you are falling off to sleep. And then again, i've heard that it isn''t normal.

-Becka

[Kathyanita]

Yes ,
speaking of my own "case" it is possible to have psychotic symptoms and episodes with thought disorder while also being dx with DD.
My first dx was schizophrenia at age 19 in hospital and it took years (is taking years) to sort out the flashbacks and amnesias and so on- from what is delusion and halucination. Both difficulties can be present in one mind according to my psychiatrist.
Becka- did you read my other answer to you as well in the other forum re: your youth because my point is also that the prefrontal cortex is not quite finished maturing and developing until we are in our 20s so you may find some comfort in knowing that you have power over how you perceive of yourself from here - and what you want your brain to become better at.

[Malady156]

This labyrinth seems even more complicated than the one I'm stuck with. Why should I put this labyrinth on top of my already complicated enough labyrinth? I can't navigate them both at once. It all seems like nonsense to me. I'm losing faith in psychology. No one can help me. They are all just as confused as I am. They don't really know what's wrong with me. They can't even decide if I'm bipolar or schizoaffective. I think I just need a good exorcist. Because my problems keep focusing on spiritual things and preventing me from being able to connect with God I become convinced it is demons. But is that just another delusion? Delusion of control by external/alien forces is what they call it. But how would they know unless they can prove for certain whether it is coming from such forces or only coming from my mind? Medication is not helping, it is only making it worse. What if by taking medication I am actually making myself and my mind MORE vulnerable to being taken over and tortured by these monsters? It sure seems that way, I have been in more torment the past few weeks than I ever felt possible. Nothing has been right since that hospitalization where they switched my medication. It has only gotten worse.

Why don't pdocs and Tdocs ever talk to you anymore to help you sort things out? People on here sound like they get things sorted out but nobody will sort things out with me and it makes me even more paranoid. Like they all know my dirty Esau secret and are afraid to deal with me at all. I am the horror all men fear if they have a mind to fear and if not, their subconscious mind forewarns them to keep a distance. I don't want to be this thing anymore. Isn't there anyone in the whole freaking world who can help me????

[Mahali]

bump