The Hope-Despair Rollercoaster

Slept badly last night. Feeling I can't do this, he won't get any better, medication is the only answer.

Get up and go to the kitchen and find my son seemly completely retreated back into psychois. He's writing notes to his "gf" - the one who instructed her family to call the police should my son show up at her house again - asking her advice on what he should do with his life.

I'm ready to throw in the towel and have him moved out of here. Utter despair.

Go back into the kitchen later and have this conversation:

Me: What are your plans for the day?
Him: I'm going into town and ... [long pause]
Me: Have you noticed that going into town leads to ...
Him [interrupting irritably]: Yes, I know.
Me: What was I going to say?
Him: I lose my cool. It really seems to throw me.

I had noticed this same thing. There's a clear pattern. He's had three meltdowns in the last 9 days, all following trips into town. When he remains home he's okay.

And here he's noticed it to. He's seen the pattern. My hope is back. He isn't irretrievably lost in psychosis after all!

So I tried to get more insights. What about the trips to town does he think is causing him to lose his cool? All he can say is he becomes irritable.

I talked to him about the Windhorse model - where he could have people visit him at the house and just be present with him, hopefully hook him back into reality and pull him out of his dream world a bit.

He didn't say much, but I'm beginning to realize that even when he's standing there staring at you blankly he may be turning it over in his mind.

What got me out of my psychosis was medicine. The longer he is in it, the worse it is. Get him some medicine.

He's an adult. If he wants meds, he can get meds. Evidently he doesn't want them.

Furthermore his voices started after he started taking meds.

Is he on meds for his mind now? I know, they can be crappy, but when it keeps you from psychosis it's sorta important. Although the psychosis can come back when your on meds. Is he in psychosis now? If he is, I'd make him take meds even if he refused. Its the sensible thing to do. Otherwise he can do very stupid things, that are much worst than being on crappy meds. Like somehow he can get the idea to kill himself (thinking he's supposed to) and stuff like that. So, if I were you, I'd make him take meds. Or make him go to a hospital. If you think that's warranted. Good luck

Thanks. I spent 5 years trying to force meds on him. It doesn't work. I've decided to support his decision to look for alternatives unless and until he chooses to take them.

costello: He's writing notes to his "gf" - the one who instructed her family to call the police should my son show up at her house again - asking her advice on what he should do with his life.

If he was up to it, an interesting exercise might be to have him sit down and write a note as if he were her, giving him the advice he was seeking.

Meantime, costello, I was wondering if you'd feel comfortable sharing more about your son with us.

I'm trying to get a feel for who he is, what happened in his life, what kind of treatment has he received thus far, what he perceived as helpful, what he perceives as harmful, etc.

I'm also wondering... what does he want for himself? What does he enjoy doing? What words or labels does he use to describe his own experience? If we were to ask him, what would he say happened?

I'm also wondering if there is any history of recreational drug use. That can be a triggering event for some people. If it was for him, does he still make use of them in any way?

Can you describe any of the themes that were present in his more challenging moments, i.e, some people see shadows, feel others are inserting thoughts into them, are following them, the government is spying on them, etc. It's clear he hears voices that he attributes to real people in his life. Is there anything about those people or his relationship with them that mimics a pattern of behavior with those same people or others?

How does he feel about this attempt to try a different way of dealing with this aspect of your lives?

Those might be things you haven't talked about with each other so you might not have any answers for me.

Meantime, does he know you are active here? Do you think he would be willing to talk to other people who have undergone similar experiences? What if he knew we wouldn't pressure him about the drugs?

~ Namaste

I wonder if there might be anything helpful to you or your son here:

Oh, also... if he was using medications before and he's not now -- what sort of process did he go through in terms of coming off them? Generally, it's best to taper and withdraw slowly but some people make the decision to come off abruptly. This is associated with a resurgence of symptoms in some people due to withdrawal effects.

Some additional thoughts...

This thread has some good information about safely reducing or withdrawing from medications, including why doing so abruptly can bring on a resurgence of symptoms: Matters to Consider When Reducing or Coming Off Medications

In that same thread, I also talk about the need to develop a Support Team and a Support Toolbox. As a possible suggestion, maybe it would be helpful right now for the two of you to split that task. You could work on developing a support team for yourself and he could work on identifying the things he finds helpful to him.

Unfortunately both times he's come off meds, he's done it cold turkey, with no support at all. The last time he was taking medication semi-regularly was in June 2010 sometime. I suspect that some of what we're seeing now - the hallucinations - have a lot to do with withdrawal.

That would be interesting. I'll see if I can bring it up. I don't think I was supposed to see the note.

Sure. He had his first psychotic episode 5 years ago after losing his job. He was 20. The job was working for his uncle, my sister's husband.

He resisted medications, which was the only treatment offered. He was given a dx of bp II. He managed to find a job during this episode. The episode lasted maybe 3 months.

He continued in that job, attended classes, had an apartment and car, etc. for about 2 to 2.5 years. He wasn't doing great, but he was functioning. He pretty much avoided contact with family.

Eventually he became psychotic again. He quit his job and started making odd phone calls to family members. Eventually when he would no longer take my calls, I stopped by his apartment and found him paranoid, delusional, and suicidal. He was involuntarily committed for a week and released with a prescription for Zyprexa.

He bounced around living with family, suffering side effects of the medication, finding and losing several jobs, applied for disability.

Eventually he ended up in transitional housing for the mentally ill. He was taking his medication (Geodon) regularly, working, and taking classes. He seemed happy, but he was suffering terrible side effects to the medication.

He was approved for disability and moved out of the supported housing to his own apartment and immediately nosedived. I suspect he quit his meds within days of moving to his own apartment. I also suspect he began abusing alcohol and street drugs. (Yes, there is a history experimenting with drugs, particularly marijuana and alcohol. He was using both up until the time he moved into my house in early November.)

I think it was in this apartment that the voices really took hold. I didn't visit that apartment until he'd left it, and I can see why a susceptible person might begin hearing voices there. The buildings were very poorly constructed with paper thin walls and weird accoustics which carried random noises and voices to odd places.

Within two months he was so thoroughly psychotic (and pretty drunk as well), he got in his car and headed for California to start a new life. He stopped in New Mexico and attempted suicide. He was hospitalized for a month there while they tried to stabilize him on Resperdal. They raised the dosage until he was practically catatonic and he was still suffering symptoms - specifically paranoia. They thought he was hearing voices too, although he denied it.

The hospital released him to me only because I showed up and said I wasn't leaving Albuquerque without him. He wasn't doing well at all. Back home he set up an apartment in a neighboring state with a woman he'd met in NM - who I suspect was after his income. That lasted a couple of months and ended in a physical fight. That left him in an apartment alone, psychotic and being preyed on by a neighbor. He was taking Invega, hit and miss, for about six months. Then he quit it and descended into his current state - very psychotic.

As to what he wants for himself: I can't seem to pin him down. His delusions lead me to believe his top goal is a relationship with a woman, perhaps marriage and a child. He'd also like a job and to finish his education.

He enjoys music, making raps and beats, although he hasn't done that for a long time.

I'm not sure what he thinks of his experience. He doesn't believe he's ill, and he hates the word schizophrenia. Much of the time he denies there's a problem at all, although he admits that other people perceive him as being mentally ill and that his current life isn't in a very good condition. He also admits he wouldn't be able to live alone right now.

He's aware that he hallucinates. Sometimes he understands that his delusions are his imagination. Other times he's fully engaged with them and believing they're completely true.

Wow! That covers a lot of ground. Basically he goes back and forth between believing people are trying to kill him and thinking he's incredibly important - friends with rap and hip-hop artists. He says everyone wants to be his friend and to imitate him because he's so wonderful and perfect. People are watching him all the time and videotaping him.

The worst voices seem to be identifiable as family members. Currently my sister and her ex-husband are on his ***** list, but that changes. Nothing they say or do as voices is anything like what they might say or do as real people. The delusions seem to reflect my son's fears in somewhat symbolic form.

I can't decide if he's humoring me or really putting some effort into it. I tend to think the latter, because I've caught him trying some of the techniques I've mentioned to him.

He also believes I'm pretty naive and deluded myself. He believes my sister has blinded me to the truth some how.

He knows I've been on forums on the Internet, but I can't seem to get him interested in participating himself. I think he would be willing to talk with others who have the same experiences in person, especially if they were managing without meds.

Thank you for sharing all that costello. There is a lot of common ground in terms of my own child's experience. In their case, I could identify several factors that seemed to have contributed to their experiences:

- A natural life transition from late adolescence to independent adulthood. I've observed that people seem to be more prone to psychosis during these transitional points. I've further speculated it's because the egoic barriers are naturally thinned and more open to new experience as a direct result of the life transition.

- Various stressors associated with this life transition: becoming financially independent, having to secure good grades in college/university.

- Experimentation with recreational forms of drugs. In their case, primarily cannabis.

- A series of more significant life stressors, one of which was especially traumatic to them.

- Lack of sleep.

- It's possible the mania they later experienced was also fueled by treatment with an anti-depressant. These are known to induce manic episodes in some people who seek treatment for depression.

They were initially brought to the hospital by roommates who had grown concerned about their behavior following an emotionally traumatic event. They were promptly medicated with anti-psychotic medication although I wasn't certain there was evidence of any psychosis at all. The situation quickly deteriorated from there.

One factor I found especially frustrating was, once they had been medicated, there was no longer any way to determine if what we were seeing was a response to the medications or a response that would have occurred independent of any medication. I felt that the period of drug-free observation should have been longer and was deeply concerned about the staff's lack of disclosure regarding the risks of medication. At no point was my child ever offered information on the medications, rather, they were told, "This will make you feel better," or, "The doctor says you have to take this."

As it was, the medication seemed to produce a very rapid and debilitating response. Within hours, they could not walk, talk, feed themselves or take their own shower. They also developed incontinence, a high fever and began to display mannerisms consistent with severe forms of side-effects. In spite of our protests, their doctors continued to medicate them against their and our wishes. It was very distressing.

A number of the staff also possessed a punitive, domineering and controlling attitude. Although my child had been told they could refuse medications, if they did, they were often punished in subtle and not-so-subtle ways -- being denied the opportunity to attend art therapy for instance, or secure the much longed-for passes out of the hospital to visit with friends and family.

Just as disturbing was the alarming frequency with which patients were routinely held down by burly security guards and forcibly injected with anti-psychotic medication for, what struck me as often quite reasonable behavior under the circumstances. Quieter forms of distress were typically met with an offer for more medication. Some of the staff did attempt to comfort and encourage with words and we were fortunate to meet a few of them, but in the end, it was the cruel ones who left their mark.

Our own concerns and objections were met with increasing suspicion and hostility. At one point, a staff member told me I was not permitted to be on the hospital grounds outside of strict visiting hours and could be forcibly removed. These same hours had been set up to guarantee that a psychiatrist or social worker would never be available in the evening hours, the only time family members were permitted to visit.

There was much that was much worse than that but I could certainly understand people's desire to never want to willingly enter such a place again. Unfortunately, it wasn't our child's last hospitalization but no place was as traumatic and damaging as that first place.

I am going to reflect on what you've said about your son's experience and return after my next work shift to offer some comment.

I hope you sleep well tonight.

~ Namaste

I slept well last night, but I'm not sure I'll sleep tonight. He's so out of it. Right now I'm really questioning if I'm doing him any favors. I'm not sure what else to do though.

He's just spewing a bunch of nonsense and interacting with people I can't see or hear.

Edited to add an hour and a half later: Now he's dancing around the house in a crazy way. Very manic. I guess I won't be getting any sleep, and it feels like I'm coming down with the flu.

Hello costello,
The one thing I consistently hear through your words is that you're worn out. Your son moved back home with you in November. It's now January. You've been at this for 6 - 8 weeks and it's wearing you down. The caregiving role is a tiring one.

You may find it somewhat reassuring to know that in spite of my own experience, in spite of my own insights, in spite of all my conversations over the years and all my reading and research, I found it to be immensely challenging at times too. I think I handled some parts quite well. Other parts... not so well.

Caregivers require their own Support Teams. One of the best forms of support can come from peers. In your case, that means other parents who are attempting to make use of alternative methods as a means of dealing with their child's crises. The online environment can often be very helpful in this regard however I'd also strongly encourage you to seek out people within your local environment who can also serve as forms of Professional, Peer or Mentor support.

It may be worth pursuing to see if there is an alternative association in your area such as the Hearing Voices Network or Mind Freedom. Don't, however, overlook more traditional forms of support such as NAMI. You can't predict when someone will pass a piece of useful information to you or where it will come from. My own approach has been to make use of that which was helpful and discard that which wasn't.

Meantime, in one of our earlier conversations I'd introduced this pencil sketch:

costello: He's just spewing a bunch of nonsense and interacting with people I can't see or hear.

Thanks, s_e. My support is very thin. I'm a loner by nature. And the people I have in my life right now don't agree with my decision to ignore medical advice unless and until my son decides to go the medication route. I guess I'll have to go outside my comfort zone and try to recruit a "team."

I was so exhausted last night that I was willing to throw in the towel and try to coerce him into medication. I had to remind myself that that hasn't worked in the past. That's why I'm trying this different tactic.

I did sleep last night - after taking a dose of cold medicine. I had a headache and stomache ache and no appetite (I thought I was going to vomit when I started to eat dinner). Thought it was the flu, but now I think it was stress and exhaustion. I feel loads better today. He did wake me up at 11:30 pm asking to use my car so he could drive to a friend's house an hour away. I said no, hid my keys, and fell back to sleep.

I realized today that he deliberately put himself into that manic state last night. He bought an energy booster at a gas station a couple of days ago (5-hour energy, it's called). I stopped him from drinking it, because it's caffeine and he's exquisitely sensitive to caffeine. I should have thrown the bottle away though. I saw him trying to drink it in the car yesterday and stopped him again. This morning I noticed the bottle was empty. He admitted he drank it last night hoping to get the mania I witnessed last night.

It did seem to me that he was courting the mania yesterday evening. I asked him if was even going to try to calm down (this was before I realized he'd had the caffeine). He said, no, he wanted to stay up all night and bounce off the walls. (Ok, I paraphrased that, but he admitted he wanted to be manic. )

We went for a long walk in the woods and along a stream today. I think it wore him out. His case manager is worried about him getting too much exercise with how much weight he's lost recently. I don't agree. I think exercise is good for working up an appetite, and in fact as soon as we got home he fixed himself some lunch. A good sign since he eats very seldom and very little.

costello: the people I have in my life right now don't agree with my decision to ignore medical advice unless and until my son decides to go the medication route.

You were ignoring medical advice...?

The studies in this link... all done by doctors: Risks Associated With Medication

The studies in this link... also done by doctors: Medications and Relapse Rates

These studies -- Schizophrenia & Recovery -- also carried out by doctors.

These four accounts...

All doctors.

Daniel Fisher, once a diagnosed schizophrenic, now a psychiatrist. Does not make use of medications.

David Lukoff, experienced a six month psychotic episode. Now a psychologist, does not make use of medications.

Frederick Freese and Patricia Deegan, both diagnosed as schizophrenic. One is a psychiatrist, the other a psychologist. Both utilize medications on an as-needed basis in accordance with their personal preference and choice.


The issue of medications is a complex subject costello. I know people who are recovering with medications and without medications. The ones who make use of them do so for only one reason; they find them to be helpful. I am not opposed to making use of any tool an individual self-identifies as helpful.

I don't believe making use of meds is anything people should have to feel ashamed of. In many ways, they bring their own particular brand of difficulty but it may be a difficulty the individual feels they can more easily cope with or would prefer as opposed to the difficulties of not using meds.
Some of them, like Frederick Freese and Patricia Deegan, only use them for the situations they find most challenging, and count on times of relative calm and learned coping skills to close the gap in between.

There are other people who do not find medications to be helpful. Some of them once did but later made a successful withdrawal. Some of them found them helpful but had to change medications or stop using them entirely as a result of the side-effects. Some of them found the side-effects to be too great or possibly even life threatening and made the choice to stop using them as a result. Some of them found them to be terribly harmful from the very start. Some of them stopped using them because they couldn't afford them. And for some people, medications were never an option to begin with. People use meds for only one valid reason but they will stop using them for several valid reasons.

There is plenty of medical evidence to support you in your efforts costello. What you are doing is going against common practice. If common practice helps someone and they identify it as beneficial, that's good. But common practice doesn't help a lot of people. Whether you are aiming for your own best recovery or trying to assist someone else through theirs, the only treatments we need to be concerned with are the ones that work for that particular individual.

Many people think of medication as being the only treatment and this is part of the reason they are aghast when people choose to not use it. To them, they think that's the equivalent of doing nothing at all, when really, it's only a indication of their own narrow definition. For my part, I try to encourage people to make use of everything that helps them. Those things, whatever they are, go into their personal support toolbox.

In your son's case, common practice was not working for him. That means you try something else. There is no guarantee that will work either but in the process of trying on these different approaches and different forms of treatment, many people can begin to both expand their view of what support and treatment can be and also begin to refine their own personal recovery and the tools they identify as helpful to them on that path.

~ Namaste


Music of the Hour:

Yes, I'm faimiliar with all this. But none of these doctors are my son's doctor. Medication is the only treatment offered here. I had to vigorously refuse medication on my son's behalf.

We're talking about find people who will support me, not people I have to argue with to get a hesitant agreement. And the best I can get is hesitant agreement. I finally had my sister agreeing that I was "doing the right thing" for my son. Then when he flipped out a week ago, she said I could spend the night at her house. Then when he showed up at midnight, she wouldn't let him stay because he was "dangerous" and she had other people to protect. So I had to get up and drive home with him, even though he was clearly calm at that point and we both could have been allowed to sleep until morning.

Frankly I don't need fair weather friends. I don't have the energy for it. It's going to be a rough trip, and I need people who aren't going to throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble.

My mother just keeps asking when his next appointment at the mhc is. She's freaked out by him talking to his voices. She doesn't even have to see any acting out so start wondering out loud why he isn't taking medication.

I spoke with my son's case manager yesterday. He seems on board with the idea of trying alternative treatments for my son. He wants to see the kinds of things I'm reading and thinking about so we can be on the same page. He even mentioned the fact that the medical profession and Big Pharm are very intertwined. He seems truly interested in working with us. So we have another person on the team.

He's going to try and get permission to have other mhc workers who are open to the non-medication approach come to the house and spend time with my son. He thinks three days a week would be great. Of course, he has to get that approved by his supervisor who is extremely pro-med. She and I had a verbal tussle before Christmas, leaving me with the impression that no one at the mhc would be open to helping us in this endeavor.

The main problem, though, is that we live so far out in the country. It irritates me that the state will pay $1000/month for life for psychotropics, but they won't pay a few hundred bucks a month short-term for some kind of relationship-based therapy. Of course if you're convinced it won't work then why try?

The case manager suggested that my son live in one of the houses that the mhc owns in town. Last time he lived there he was required to take meds, so he probably won't be cleared for that. It's worth a try, though. He'd be home on weekends.

The case manager is also working with another client, dx'd schizoaffective, who wishes to be off medications. They're currently reducing his medication and trying various dietary and herbal supplements instead. So he has some experience working with a client who is refusing meds.

He mentioned that his educational background is in psychology, not SW like many others at the mhc. He even said it was Jung that attracted him to psychology.

He mentioned the problem of staff being afraid of the clients at the mhc. I know they're afraid of my son and consider him dangerous. This case manager works with several clients the others are afraid of, and he says he has no fear turning his back to any of them.

I even have the feeling this guy is looking forward to taking a different approach and thinking outside the box.

So it looks like we lucked out and got a good addition to our team. Maybe more will follow.

costello: He mentioned that his educational background is in psychology, not SW like many others at the mhc. He even said it was Jung that attracted him to psychology.

If any professional had ever mentioned Jung to me in the process of seeking supportive and appropriate care for/with my child, I'm certain I would have tripped over my own jaw! Yes, I think that perhaps you have lucked out and found someone who may be a good support person to you and your son at this time.

I do have many resources as related to Jung that I can share with you in this regard should you wish to share them with your son's case manager. My "Jungian Approach to Psychosis" blog might be a good source for you. I tend to recommend Jungian approaches most often to those who have experienced a great deal of archetypal content, although I feel there is much there of worth to everyone; particularly in terms of understanding the Persona, the Ego and the Shadow.

There are also a number of links related to Seikkula's work in this elsewhere conversation: Can a Mind Be Well? What I really appreciate about Seikkula's approach is that he brought the larger social landscape into the inner circle. He recognized that we all need these bonds of relationship to recover and that a crisis of this magnitude creates a ripple effect that affects everyone it touches -- parents, spouses, siblings, children. There is room for many voices in his approach, including that of the individual in crisis and their immediate family members who often have no voice at all. I appreciate the work of the Jungians the most in terms of my own experience, but I feel the climate is most receptive and ready to hear the voice of Seikkula.

Loren Mosher and Bertram Karon are also clinicians I'm fond of. I can provide you with more links to their approaches as well should you need them.

I'm very pleased for you that you've been able to find a local support person. It's a start and it's also remarkable how very little we can get by with. Sometimes, just one or two people can make an incredible difference.

~ Namaste

I appreciate all your input. I love the Windhorse approach, probably because I have an interest in Buddhism. I'm trying to read one of John Weir Perry's books right now - Trials of the Visionary Mind - but I'm finding it hard going, because the discussions of myth and symbolism are just lost on me. I just want to know what do I do!

My mind tends to work in a linear and logical manner. Poetry, art, music, etc. are largely wasted on me. My son and I are so different in the ways we think. I think he's aware of it and has attributed it to race (his dad is Nigerian and I'm white).

I remember the night he was born. We came home from the birthing center within hours of his birth and we were alone together. He started crying and didn't seem to want to nurse, so I walked around with him until he quieted. When I lay down again, he started crying again, so I walked with him again. After three or four repetitions, he didn't cry again when I lay down. But he just looked at me with those deep eyes as if he were trying to figure out how to communicate with this nitwit he'd been saddled with. I felt at the time that God had made a mistake, giving me a child who was smarter than I am in some way that I can't define. One of my friends commented when my son was very small that he had an "old soul."

Anyway I'll have a look at these resources. I think I've looked at Can a mind be well? already.

I was listening to Will Hall's interview with Bradley Lewis yesterday, and Lewis mentioned that one of the strengths of The Freedom Center and The Icarus Project was flexibility in accepting a diversity of ways of approaching extreme states of consciousness. I think that's good, but it's harder work because it means researching and trying a variety of approaches. I hope my son doesn't get discouraged along the way, not to mention the team.

costello: I'm trying to read one of John Weir Perry's books right now - Trials of the Visionary Mind - but I'm finding it hard going, because the discussions of myth and symbolism are just lost on me.

One of Jung's great contributions to our interpretation of these kind of experiences is his model of the psyche: Persona, Ego, Shadow, Anima/Animus and Self. Here's the snazzy map once more.
























~ Namaste


Music of the Hour: Gallagher's Song

Backing up...

costello: He had his first psychotic episode 5 years ago after losing his job. He was 20. The job was working for his uncle, my sister's husband.

This is what I would call an "ego blow". For some people it will only take one blow to produce ego collapse, for others it will take several -- it all depends on where the Achilles of the Heel can be found. A blow dead center will always bring you down. It would seem that your son's experience began with an event that may have seriously challenged his sense of self-identity.

This is a consistent theme among nearly every "schizophrenic" I've spoken with -- something of significance happened first, then they entered into that psychotic state. It is rare that these events are ever addressed by professional caregivers. Rather, their lives become reduced to a state of neurochemical function/dysfunction.

This event still distresses your son. His relationship with his uncle is still estranged although you note that the "voices" he attributes to his uncle do not correspond with how his "uncle" really is.

Backing up again...

costello: When I lay down again, he started crying again, so I walked with him again. After three or four repetitions, he didn't cry again when I lay down. But he just looked at me with those deep eyes as if he were trying to figure out how to communicate ...

I think many of us feel inadequate to the task of mothering when we first set out on that path. It is our desire to do well that makes us into the mothers we become and that desire is captured in the bond you describe above -- that deep, soulful gaze that unfolds between one human being and another.

An individual is born with no sense of separate ego identity. Initially, this arises out of their relationship with their mother. No mother is perfect but if the mother has been, basically, good enough, that fledgling identity will feel, correspondingly, "good enough". It is mother (the Feminine) that shapes much of our inner life. This used to be reflected among social roles wherein women tended the hearth of the home. It was father (the Masculine), that tended to the larger world beyond the border of the front door.

So too, we see the Masculine play a significant role in forging our sense of self-identity with the world beyond the borders of the ego. The father/masculine shapes our relationship with/to the outer world and contributes to the development of the Persona.

Meantime, a quick lesson on projection. Projection is when we take an internal set of images/ideas and project those images onto someone else. If the object of our projection shares some characteristics in common with the content of the project, that will be enough to hold the projection in place. It can be useful to consider "voices, delusions and hallucinations" as a form of projection. In your son's case, his uncle may be the object of the projection. The same thing may be happening here...

costello: He's writing notes to his "gf" - the one who instructed her family to call the police should my son show up at her house again - asking her advice on what he should do with his life.

Here we see the presence of the Feminine. The female co-worker was able to hold the projection because she contained some characteristics in common with his own inner image. Your son's dependency on her might be weakened if he is able to accept that "she" is with him already, as an inner image and function of the deeper psyche.

The content of your son's projections tells us about his own relationship to the archetypes of the Masculine and the Feminine. By examining what these voices have to say or these images symbolize, we can gain a greater understanding into the individual's sense of self-identity and where it is in need of adjustment, re-evaluation, forgiveness, compassion, healing, etc. Traditionally, Shadow content is always of the same gender; the Anima/Animus is the opposite of our external gender.

Your son's self-identity (Persona) was wounded by the event that took place between him and his uncle (the Masculine). This event may have been the initial wounding that created that cycle of disregulation and compensation. This is an injury that can be addressed through psychological measures.


Music of the Hour:

A bit of a rambling disclosure. When I had my own experience, I wrote it down. It was as if part of me was in that room in my home and another part of me -- the larger part of me at that time -- was in this entirely different world and experiencing it as every bit as "real" as what we call "real" in this plane of reality.

What follows is a tiny slice of that world. The symbols, the opposites and the archetypes are plentiful...

The character of Tess represented the Ego -- basically in a lost, bewildered and confused state. The character of Limh represented aspects of my personal Shadow. The character of Leprosy Man represented the Negative Animus (or the Negative side of the Masculine). The character of Gallagher represented the Positive Animus (or the positive side of the Masculine). And the character of the Self was represented by that Mother presence that was Everywhere because that was Kali.

Each of those "characters" could also be linked to real people that had been present in my life: Limh to a female friend; Gallagher to a male friend; Leprosy Man to a frightening male I had encountered; Kali to my own mother; Skadi to yet another friend.

There would have been a portion of time when I projected my own inner images upon those people and they carried the projection because of a characteristic in common that served to hook and hold the projection in place. In the state I ended up in however, it was just me and my projections there. That's how I figured out that they were my own projections -- because no other people were physically present with me in that space.

It was this experience of my own, that allowed me to see how the characters in the movie Fight Club all related back to the central character of Jack (the Ego).

In terms of your son's experience we can possibly place the projection his uncle carries as being in the territory of the Shadow while the projection his female co-worker carried take us into the realm of the Anima. There may well be other pieces there too that we simply haven't seen yet.

~ Namaste


Music of the Hour:

Costello,

I have not read the whole thread, but I wonder, what moments of joy do you have for yourself?

Joy, when surrounded by confusion and frustration, takes practice. LIFE makes it hard to be joyful sometimes......

So, who is there for you? Who do you talk to about how you feel? What support do you have? Do you take pleasure in very small things?

Set your own boundaries, and breathe. When you do for yourself, you also do for others. Be careful of spiritual fatigue.........

And love thyself.......

Michah