what if im not crazy? and everyone else is

I was looking at some symptoms of schizophrenia about thinking you can predict the future and things of that nature. Well i dont think i can do that but sometimes i wonder what if i was not crazy and everyone else was. it just seems like people exist in this bubble and i have gotten out of mine. some things ive investigated have credibility which is why i dont know what to think.

i am referring to government things here that most people dont care to take notice of. How deep does it go i ask? not so much right now, but there was a time when i was so fully consumed by the implications that reality was gone, there was no reality. and if reality now is being ignorant to what is real, then who is to say i am mad or normal....who is the one who maintains the universal understanding of what is true?

and so one believes such things and then all of a sudden where you were where you are and where youre going lose sense of definition. anymore its a matter of holding my interest.

i seem to project myself into a grand scheme of things. i am the crusader where all others are lemmings. but is it sane to be a lemming?

Just for the record, lemmings were driven.......

driven by a desire they do not understand and doomed to death because they cannot break their programming.

Hopefully nobody is calling you crazy, James. Is there a middle ground between projecting yourself into the grand scheme of things and being a lemming?

thats an interesting comment. No i dont think there is, or atleast not a satisfying one. Actually, i like to project myself into the grand, but i cant handle it and im not happy. but when im not there, im basic, boring, and unproductive and i cant stand that.

people dont call me crazy in public because i dont talk like this, but the ones who hear me talk like this...well.

its almost like i have to keep changing who i am to be truely satisfied. i once believed i was training for a great war that was coming, so i went on a successful mission to take down a public display of patriotism ( i wont get too explicit here) . I mean most people my age (20) are drinking and hanging out, and i am running through the forest dressed in black to satisfy some agenda which by all accounts could be true.

this wasnt long ago, but i kinda fell out of that...and so i was into rap music and my car....then i fell out of that and now im into my computer. i just never feel comfortable with doing what i do.

but the fantasies (or realities) i have seen are so incredible it makes being average seem soooo pointless, so i look down on everyone. i have to admit though, lately i havent been feeling too crazy, but still i see no method by which i got rid of my madness so im sure its still there.

i do remember it got bad for a while....talking to me must have been like talking to a brick, i dont know where my emotions went. i was so convinced of imminent war based upon prognostications of a time traveler.

but as for a middle ground. i have no clue who i am i decided, i dont know how to behave around anyone, i am a failure with women and im unsure of my sexuality, i have to impress everyone because i cant do it myself, etc. the thing is though, that sometimes by myself i just go into this zone and i forget about everything. like on instant messenger, say in the morning you could talk to me and i would be a vegetable, but maybe that night it would be like talking to einstein with mathematically satisfying sentences and deep universal understanding. i feel as though that is where i project myself, its clear thought and anything is possible. i also decided one time i was going to try and communicate with aliens because i had read online that it was possible through some type of transcendental communication methods, but i chickened out because im alien-phobic and i would have died instantly from fear if i actually got it to work. i know, this is madness- it certainly reads like it- but my general theme, what if it really isnt and the threads by which everyone weaves there understanding of reality are falsely woven...

sometimes i think i quit because i got lonely

I saw this thread name when i was scrolling in the forums and it intrested me even tough i don't really belong here.
When i read it i just had to say something.

In my eyes your not crazy. Somebody of pure evil maight be called crazy. A serial killer who has killed 24 people that is something i maight call crazy!

As far as it goes what eactly you are i can't awser. I've been wondering about it myself.
Everyday i look outside and see people pass me by and wonder where i fit in. I'm different then most people in what way i don't really know but i notice on a daily basis that i'm not an average human.

Somethimes i look at people and i feel better then them. I'm not smarter or something but i look at people and i see them wear things because it's what everybody wears. Somethimes when i look around me when i'm waiting for a bus or something i feel like it's just a herd of sheep and if your not with them or diferent in anyway you'll be looked add ...

if you show people images of robberies they will lock there doors. Do you know that in canada people live with there doors unlocked so why not in other places? Fear... people don't question enough what they see on television or are beeing told in my eyes...

Take the internet how many people don't think the internet is a safe private place?

yeah, i can relate to that. i could say that i say the same things a lot. every so often i crack, and i want to fit in just because i question why i look different. im not into conformism, and i realized this because i dont conform like that anymore.

what i think ive learned on that note, is that people who conform arent always conformists. im sure they are on some levels, but on others i have found that some people are worth talking....they have something to offer me.

this one girl i knew, i fell for her pretty hard, she was a big non-conformist but her philosophy is that she doesnt like almost anyone. and thats hard.

fear is a big weapon in the usa, i cant imagine not locking my door where i am now.

that is a good point though, perhaps the bigger issue is why there is such a hard line between conformist lifestyle and individualist lifestyle.

Your questioning of reality is interesting.

The Positivist Paradigm would hold that the observer must be seperated from the object, that human experience would in essencce taint any objective conclusion. This would be the scientific method.

In the Natuarlist Paradigm, the observer and object are inseperable, which would mean the subjective experiences of the observer are intertwined with the object in any conclusion. You cannot have an object without an observer, also not an observer without anything to observe.

Out of Quantum Mechanics comes the theory that matter is affected by the observer. Our intention has an effect reality, real objects, at least on a quantum level, which essential means at every level of matter.

So, the concept of reality is not so concrete as our "reality" would have it, at least not yet, as paradigms keep evolving.

However, I would say for all intensive purposes, the best way to check your reality is to sample as many individuals as possible and see if your view of reality coincides with theirs. I do not believe we are lemmings.

Lewis

James i've found this to.
I also know some that are okay. As long as i don't see there fashion change everythime there is a new thing or music taste i'm pritty okay with it.

Alltough you can always feel the gap between the two. I talked to some people earlier and i've been seeing them occasionally for 3 years and there was this new guy.
They asked the new guy out (they knew him one day) and not me...

I think the line is there because the one side is not willing to accept the other since it's "wierd" by there standards and the other side is not willing to talk to the other because we know it hasn't got a point

theenemywithin has a point to when he says you can't be objective...

today i watched short movie on how people are threatened into being consumers in capitalist nations (most of the world).

as i sat there looking at my laptop in my schools hallway, i sort of lost myself in some thought plane and it was all clear to me. this life we know is not at all conducive to proper human progression, not the emotions we feel for one another, not the interactions humans have, not the mentality. what are we afraid of, eachother.
there is no fear but that which is brought upon ourselves by ourselves from each other, this is a product of capitalism.

the film hosted a man who was captivated by the "inspiration of simplicity," caveman lifestyle.

this life is insane, i am not. this society is forcing people to act a certain way, and when someone like me just cant stomach it then i lose my head because its like not knowing how to be real. what is real? is it the tv i watch, the shoes i wear, the car i drive, what does any of that matter?

do i need drugs to allow me to be "happy" all the time with these people who dont understand who they are and what they serve.

why would i work just to die when an egalitarian society without hatred and regression would offer true insight.

this is what im trying to grasp with.

LOL!!!! and you count on humanity to let you know what is real or not. Geesh!!!!! We all have opinions.

yes thats a good point. i dont think anyone can tell me, i need to know. its like i need to realize that im alone on this journey, and by leading head on into this, people may follow.

more importantly is that other opinions of what is real may be false and may have some covert agenda attached to it.

finding inner sanity is all i can do.

society... a community of organisms... a group of persons with a common culture....
a system of beliefs and behaviors acted out by the participants.
i think society itself as a concept can be thought of as an organism itself... with a need to survive, and a fear of change. society has a mind of its own.
like a gang, where a member tries to leave, tries to improve his own life, causes the gang to want to kill him.
society rejects change, rejects the mere idea of one of its members detaching from it, or seeking a better way.
society imposes a lot of shame on people... afraid to be shamed by others to the point where you are afraid to say anything out of the norm.... internalizing society's needs and expectations...

does anything im saying make sense?
to you, maybe not. to me, it does. so who is right then?
i think we all are.
you can call me crazy, but i believe certain things.... like i believe i am more in tuned with my senses than someone who does Not "hallucinate".
and for the sake of fitting into society and being able to survive, i keep these beliefs to myself (for the most part).
society will reject me and i will not survive in the human rat race if i say whats really on my mind.

i dont think i am crazy in this sense. i have a unique way of looking at the world channeled through an uncommon viewpoint, but there are others who have this viewpoint.

If anything i believe i am gifted in seeing the things as i do, you dont know what thing you are a part of unless you can alienate yourself from that thing for examination. the rest is self control.

I lOVE THESE WORDS (song)

* * * * * * * *

[chorus]

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

* * * * * * * *

LoVe,
Rhapsody -