Roll call

Here and utterly exhausted.

Slept 7 hours last night but it wasn't restful sleep. I made the mistake of relaxing last night and walking through my house feeling cheerful. It's like he waits until I'm feeling good then he attacks. Can't have me feeling happy, can we?

I put dinner in the oven and was walking past him sitting on the couch watching tv, when I asked him, "Good show?" - more to acknowledge his existence than because I cared if the show was good or not. He didn't answer, but that's common. An hour later he's apparently still thinking about this. He insists that I sit on the couch and talk to him about why I shouldn't have asked that. Apparently questions about tv shows are too penetratingly deep. He can't give just a yes or no answer. He would have to talk for 15 minutes about it. It has too many subtlies and depths to it. Why would I burden him like that?

Then he has the nerve to ask why I'm not responding to anything he's saying. Because I'm terrified that I'm going to inadvertently say something else wrong, that's why!

I told him I want him to move out. I'm tired of working my rear end off for him and getting almost nothing in return. I can't even ask him to help around the house. That offends him too. So I spend 9 hours a day at a job I hate, commute 2 hours, do what little work gets done around the house - and now I'm back to having to tiptoe around an unpredictable person sitting on my counch. Yay! I just love my life!

When I told him to move out, he tells me he'll be all alone if he moves out. He says he has no friends and no life. He says he knows that people don't like being around him because he's a drag and he doesn't know what to do about it and if he's on his own he'll probably start drinking and lose his job.

Why is it, if he knows I'm all he has, why is it that he's abusing me emotionally? Why would you kick the one person in the world who's killing herself to care for you? Why? I don't get it.

And when do I get a life? Who's going to take care of me while I'm taking care of him?

I'm through! He said last night that I could say anything at all to him if it's how I honestly feel, and he won't be angry. I didn't say it to him, but here's how I honestly feel, I feel like I'm 50 years old and all I can see for me until the day I drop and die is that I'll be a slave to a minor tyrant who can't shift himself to do anything to help himself but who can complain and complain and complain about how awful it is and how unfair it all is. I can't fix it for him. He's going to have to do the hard work himself. When I'm 70 and he's 47, will we still be doing this? Is this how it's to be forever?

Your son is manipulative in telling you he'll be alone if he moves out and that he has no friends or life, thus making the case for you to feel guilty by kicking him out.

Here and really tired even though I'm sleeping well. I think I'm still sick with whatever it was I had last week. I have a cough and a sore throat.

I wish it were that simple. He wants to move out. He wants his own place, friends, and a gf. I think he's really scared that he'll isolate and start drinking and forget to eat or take his meds.

I also give him someone sane to talk to. He tends to isolate.

I have the alarm set on my phone to yell at me about doing these things.

Here and really tired even though I'm sleeping well. I think I'm still sick with whatever it was I had last week. I have a cough and a sore throat.


I wish it were that simple. He wants to move out. He wants his own place, friends, and a gf. I think he's really scared that he'll isolate and start drinking and forget to eat or take his meds. In other words, I don't think he was trying manipulate me so much as he was telling me what he's scared of. And, honestly, I'm scared of those things too, because in the past that's exactly what he's done. I wish we could do some small transition to his own place. Like maybe a room in some nice retired lady's home. Or a place he stayed at for half the week and came home for half the week. I don't see it happening, though. So we're looking at a cold impersonal apartment complex. Probably poorly constructed with a drug user across the hall. One apartment he lived in had such bad accoustics. There were random noises and voices that seemed to come from no where. It played hell with his head.

I give him some structure. I remind him to eat, brush his teeth, take his meds. Not that he needs reminding of those things most of the time, but he starts getting into a state where things are falling apart and he needs a bit of a push to get back on track.

I also give him someone sane to talk to. He tends to isolate. And when he does find people to hang out with, they're losers. They're people who know he has a car and a small income from disability, and they move in to his world and leech off him. They don't help him keep his head together. They actively work to pull him apart, so they can pick at the carcass. I don't know how these people live with themselves. I hope there's a warm little corner in hell for them.

Also, I suspect he may resent me on some level. He's way more dependent on me than any 27 year old wants to be on their mom. And then I suspect he feels bad for resenting me, because I'm being so damned nice to him. Don't you just hate it when someone is irritating you, but they won't give you a good excuse to cream them?

I'm glad that I am wrong in me saying that your son is manipulative. Clearly there is more to the picture than what you had posted.

I really am trying to get him away from mental health services as much as humanly possible, though. It seems to force one into a particular mind set, defining oneself primarily through one's mental illness. It's not helpful, IMO.

I'm here. I am so very, very stressed. I started smoking a bit again, hating myself for it. I've been quit for well over three years except for the past few days. Worried about how I'm going to make it as a lawyer.

Be kind to yourself about the smoking thing. The bar exam in stressful. Starting a career is stressful. Uncertainty is stressful. If the smoking helps you feel calmer, then go ahead. You'll quit again later.

Thanks I'll try to keep that in mind.
I just ran a marathon two weeks ago, so I'm shocked by such a big "life switch". Maybe I put too much pressure on myself :-/

Oh, my gosh. Marathon to smoking. That is a big switch. Maybe if you keep up with the running, the urge to smoke will be less?

My son was fired from his job yesterday. I think he's partly relieved, because he wasn't liking it. But it's also a shock. He also says he doesn't want to look for another job which worries me, because he'll go back to where he was a few months ago - nothing to do all day long.

I've asked him to quit looking for his own place given that he now has less income and less structure in his life.

Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear that. It sounds like a really crappy time for both you and him. May I ask what he does?

I'm here. Not sure how I'm doing. Bought a dress today for my call to the Bar; did some yoga. Angry at life, thinking about how much time was wasted. Thought chocolate cookies would make it better, but it didn't.