Roll call

Here... things been a bit hectic the last few days. The village is now full of snow. Very pretty, but I can't see me getting out of the house too easily!

I am sitting in a room where everyone is watching the championship at the colliseaum. The job creators are presiding over the ceremonies. The indentured gladiators are acting appropriately, it is in their best interest to do thus. The crowd is acting happy. Some how I sense something bad is lurking, ready to pounce. Since they worship violence and wealth, perhaps they shall see its true nature. Sucks to be them.

It was a tough weekend. People enjoying a party were laughing. I saw very little, but heard their voices sneering with malice, barking loud obnoxious mocking laughs at me. I struggled to focus my eyes, but managed to make out the source of the laughter. The woman looked bizarrely happy and appeared completely caught up in a hilarious conversation with someone next to her. Her laughter wasn't aimed at me (well that's what my eyes said). Her lips were badly synced with the sound track. I convinced myself that my mind wasn't reliable and that I shouldn't take offense. Sigh.

Oh yes. Hi everyone. I'm here today.

We are here ...the spies are outside the house waiting for the word to attack ...i need to get this chip out of my arm asap
need to do it now ...Andrews gone to court for the jourur thing
unsure how long he will be
Ella

I slept till 6 am, that is late for me, after going to bed at 11 pm.. My step son woke me, quite rudely, to tell me his bike had a flat tire. He bikes to school. I took him to school, and reassured him that I would take his bike to the repair shop. Strangely, he asked me if anything was wrong. He is a special needs kid, special emotional and thought needs, and he has an explosive temper. It seems to me that, he expresses outwardly, what his mother will express, inwardly. I think he is healthier than his mom, in that regard. Still, it hurts because I'm the focus of his hatred when he is irrational, and his words tear my heart. "Goodbye makes the journey harder still..."-Cat Stevens. Oh well, " we are dancing on this Earth for only a short while..."-Cat Stevens. Thanks

no rest for the wicked

I slept well enough last night, about 6 hours. I feel rested. I chatted with the clerk at the store, round the corner. I read and *****ed about the current events, what else can we do? I ate a cheese danish and drank a bottle of orange juice. I walked to the grocery store and browsed for an hour, about an hour anyway. Why does everything need to be so exact these days. When I was young people could talk, without someone fact checking every word out their mouth. Not today I hope to get some housework done. I need to make dinner before I go to work. Our son doesn't like waiting till we get home from work to have dinner. He likes to go to bed early. Just another day, thank god for my physical health and emotional and thought stability, today. G'day everyone here!

Wide awake till four in the morning. Got up at quarter to seven to get my son ready for school. Back to bed eight o clock till half twelve. Now, if I could just get my sleeping all at the same time and at night it wouldn't be too bad... I see another sleepless night ahead of me.

here...and coping

Present. Exhausted from a few hours of consulting, and now heading for bed.

We are here ...got the drs today ...hopefully it goes ok and the spies dont fallow us to the drs but they most likely will they fallow us everywhere
Ella

Safe and sound.

Here. Hovering right on the edge of irritable. Well, if that silly road rage b!tch driving the SUV this morning who flipped me off and nearly collided with me didn't send me over the edge, I guess I'm not that close after all.

Been tired lately. Wondering if I'm coming down with the flu. If so, it's taking its time arriving.

Also feeling a bit of depression and bit of panic. Hardly enough to mention really, but it's been hanging around troubling me. Maybe it's the money worries. Or maybe it's the general political environment out there. Or maybe it really is the flu stalking me. I can't quite put my finger on it. I just know I'm ever so slightly off-kilter.

What is it in the political sphere that's bothering you? I worry about the economy, about the lack of sympathy for the more vulnerable in society, about whether my son will be able to get a job when he's grown.

My worries are similar to yours. We live in a harsh culture for the poorest and most vulnerable people. The big corporations and richest of the rich are in bed with the government, and they've been systematically skewing the playing field so that the rich get richer and the rest of us just sink.

They keep cutting taxes for the rich with the argument that they'll create jobs. Where are these jobs? India? The big corporations care about one thing -- the bottom line -- but they're given a "voice" in the government. Because supposedly they're people with the constitutional right to first speech. And since money is considered free speech under the U.S. Constitution, their "voice" drowns out everyone else. Then they send all the jobs abroad.

In my state, funding for the arts, education, welfare, and health care for the poorest are being defunded, while we cut taxes for the richest.

Then they "privatize" government services. Which means they hand over public money to private companies - run by their buddies - who then do the same thing government agencies used to do, but at a higher cost and poorer quality.

Then they have laws written to insure their services get used more. The people who run the private jails were the ones behind Arizona's immigration law. More people picked up and detained in jail equals more profits for the shareholders.

This is one reason I'm so suspicious of the incessant pushing of antipsychotics. Big Pharm got together in Texas and pushed through regulations requiring pdoc's in mhc's to first try three of the atypical AP's (which are much more expensive! happy shareholders again!) before going to older meds like Haldol or Thorazine. For whose benefit were those rules made?

Sorry. I'm a bit edgy about the whole thing. I need to take the advice I always give my son and "put my mind on something else."

Here and refreshed with a new look at this life...

I know that this is a spiritual battle that I face

The evil ones will not win, for greater is he that is in me then he that is in the world!

Past few days things haven't been right. I no longer have interest in the things that did interest me on a daily basis. I also notice my sleep has changed as well. I don't think I'm depressed as I don't feel depressed/sad. The other issue I'm having is I think I'm hallucinating but I'm not really sure. We have a striped shower curtain and when I was looking at it the stripes they were moving/vibrating. I'm not sure if the stripes themselves cause people to hallucinate or it's just me. I could ask one of my housemates if he sees what I see but I'm kinda self conscious because I don't want to feel embarrassed that it is me and that he now knows. Normally I ask but this time I'm having a hard time doing so.

yea i wanted to ask if seeing things breathe and move is hallucinating cause i see that quite a bit. i was just wondering if anyone here knows.

Still here. Been doing voluntary work helping people with their computer problems. Feeling exhausted and struggling with hope.

Could be a sign.

I hate myself with a depth equal to the depth of the deepest part of any ocean on earth. Then burrow down till you reach the inner iron core to meet my daddy. that is my self hatred of this rotting corpse I inhabit out of obligation.

I'm here. I'm exhausted. I'm fantasizing about collapsing and dying of a stroke or heart attack.

God, we're a fine pair, aren't we, brookwest?

I guess Thanks for the positive vibe. I was in a sort of funk.

Hi Brookwest and Costello ... I'm sorry things are SO bad. Look at it this way. Things usually get so bad right before they get better.

Brookwest, I know your voices have been playing up. Remember, they're liars. If you want to hate something hate them... school yard bullies that they are.

We are here ...feeling ok at the moment
Spies are still around and doing things to the food
Cant eat much...and i dont want to eat either but thats my EDNOS coming in to play
Ella