Roll call

Costello,

I'm not sure what to make of your son's shiny eyes but I can say that it sounds like your son is gaining insight into his illness with him checking with you about his thoughts. That's a good thing. Also, I'm sure you are well aware that stress, especially from a job hunt, can exacerbate his symptoms. As long as the stressor is there he will be symptomatic.

Personally, I don't do well under stress and therefore try to remedy the offending stressor to make life more tolerable and if I'm unable to then a med adjustment is considered, but usually I tend to isolate because I just get overwhelmed with life. And that overwhelmed feeling tends to make me feel irritable, thus the need to isolate more.

But I will say the more your son gains insight into his illness, the more he will be able to address his stressors to make them more manageable in his daily life. A book on Mindfulness is a great place to try to start cultivating that insight.

Thanks, cybermember. That's a very reassuring message. It gives me a lot of hope. I need to remind myself - and be reminded by others - of the progress he's made.

We've already adjusted the meds upward - which helped significantly.

My son also gets really irritable and he also isolates. I've asked him to force himself to go out in public unless he's really, really stressed. He went to the library Friday and Saturday, which seems like a really low threat place, but even that was scary for him. I really believe, though, that forcing oneself to face mild stressors helps desensitize one. I guess the question hinges on what's mild. Something that seems like nothing to me is huge for my son.

Edited to add: I'm doing my best to encourage mindfulness, but even that feels to him like an overwhelming thing he has to do.

Having to face your stressors and triggers head on is incredibly scary. Hats off to you and your son for taking it on!!!

costello my Phy told me that the med that i was on one time causes you to not blink... so that is a good possibility with your sons eyes.

im here

Maybe that's it. The thing is sometimes his eyes seem normal and sometimes they seem wild - that shiny stare. Last night he was going back and forth. One moment he was stressed and wild-eyed, then the cat walked through the room. He picked it up and petted it and relaxed. His eyes went back to normal.

It's more than his eyes. It's the way he walks and stands. Huge tension. And it seems like even his breathing changes but that's probably my imagination. He has complained of breathing problems - unable to take a deep breath. It's hard to know if psychological tension is feeding into physical tension. Or vice versa. Or a cycle?

You really seem tuned in to him in an extraordinary way.
I think you are probably right about the feedback loop keeping the tension going, and finding ways to alleviate it (like his response to the cat) would help break that cycle.

Psychological tension and distress certainly has a whole body response.

When I had been working for a certain large corporate company for a decade, I saw a psychologist about the distress I had been experiencing. She was astounded that I had stuck it out for so long. She advised me to change jobs and find a life style that was better suited to me, before the stress of working in an organisation I hated so much totally destroyed me. The physical symptoms included regular bronchitis, sinusitis, and finally several months off work with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I never fully recovered from that.

Here and grumpy.

I'm here. I can't offer much to PC today, I don't believe. I'm tired of thinking and I want to enjoy a long walk to stop thinking too much. I hope everyone here enjoys their day well enough, anyway.

my mother in law died last year, and my husband and i had to take over for my father in law who has alzhimers... ive been needing to get his stuff togethere and take it to the tax lady for the last 3 weeks but have been putting it off... he has a rep payee now so i dont pay his bills or take care of his finaces anymore, and he is now in an assisted living facility, however i am still power of att. and have to take care of this thing... he is my husbands mohters 5 spouse and we got stuck with things when she passed last year. this is not something that i can do as i have my own issues that i can barely handel and im not even incontrol of my own finances as my huby is my reppayee and my med giver and all that stuff, yet becasue i became power of att when she passed im now responsible for all this stuff still... the ann of her death is in march 2 and it is creeping close and im finding this feb has been very hard to cope as last year we spent every day in feb at the hospital with her plus working full time and taking care of my father in law... im exhausted just thinking back on it all... it overwhelms me with grief and i dont watn to deal with any of it

oh ya today we are taking the stuff to the tax lady

I'm going to bed soon. G'night everyone.

I'm awake. I'm emotionally and physicly drained. Just getting by.

Here.

Sent an email to my son's pdoc (with my son's blessing) asking if we could lower the dose from 7.5 mg to 6.875 mg. My son is just being crushed by depression right now. He's not said he's suicidal, but he's saying things like he doesn't want to go on anymore.

I suppose the pdoc could add an antidepressant, but I just hate the whole thing where the person is given multiple meds - with each new med needed to offset a side effect of the previous med.

I'm here...I spoke to the early intervention psychosis team and it went very well

her and surviving

Eh, just got an answer from the pdoc. He's talking about increasing rather than decreasing the Zyprexa. Or adding a mood stabilizer. This isn't what I want!

I'm doing ok. Haven't been on here for a while. The voices have been super active lately and suddenly I'm having a lot worse anxiety in public. I had a panic attack in walmart the other day because everyone was staring. And i"m having terrible nightmares. One recurrent one is terrible and really getting me down. Hope everyone is faring well. Love you all.

I'm feeling better after working. It got my mind off the nasties. Thanks costello, ur a saint...

I'm having difficulty with money numbers and usually that's not a good sign. Had a dental procedure done today and it's costing me $300 more. I think that's putting me into a tailspin, thus making me confused. Stress always messes with my head, literally and figuratively.

I hope you and the pdoc get to see eye to eye on this soon.

Good idea!

February 22, 2012

Feelings a little paranoid. Living with my boyfriends parents and their religious decorations make me feel uneasy. Like the dead will pop out of pictures and old television sets. My fears have been increasing lately. I feel uneasy in the dark. Haven't seen any shadows but the voices continue as usual.

I posted down in the adopt a mom section that I wanted to be adopted. I can't stop thinking about what it might feel like to have a surrogate mommy. I imagine it will make me feel safe.

Here and feeling happy.

Had a lovely evening last night. My second swimming class started. Only three of the original six students have continued to this level, so that means we each get more individual attention. We'll be working in the deep end of the pool - 13 feet deep instead of the 4 feet we were working in for the previous class. We got to dive last night from a sitting and kneeling position.

Got home from swimming and found my son listening to a Madness Radio program. I listened to the end with him, and we discussed it some. At one point he looked surprised and announced, "I feel really good right now." It's amazing how often we focus on our negative emotions so strongly - when we're scared or sad or angry. But when we feel good, or even neutral, we tend to not notice it as much.

My son learned yesterday that he was hired for the job at the Boys and Girls Club. It's an afterschool program, so it's probably from like 3 pm to 7 pm. He accepted the position, but I think he's really scared. I hope it works out for him.

Amazing how helpful work can be, isn't it? And distracting yourself from negative thoughts. Glad you're feeling better. Hope you got some sleep.

Two weeks ago I walked into the dentist office and there was this kid screaming/crying in one of the patient rooms. I signed in and sat down. Twenty minutes later the kid is still screaming/crying of which I then have a complete meltdown and go off on the receptionist at the desk. I said that someone needs to do something for that kid in the back before someone calls the cops to report them. I said that clearly the kid is in distress and it's distressing to me as well. I said this in front of other people waiting in the waiting room as well as other office staff. Then one of the staff members informed me that the kids parents were in there as well so everything is fine. Really? Eventually, the crying stops and a within minutes a 3 y.o. appears with a shiny new red matchbox car. I'm finally called in for my appt. and talked to the dentist and his assistant and they explain to me that some kids will scream/cry as soon as they walk in the door and the dentist hasn't even done anything yet. It was reassuring because it literally sounded as if the kid was being murdered. I finish my appt. and am now back at the receptionist desk making my next appt when I explain to one of the staff that I now understood what occurs at a dentist office when young kids are involved. This particular staff member went even as far as to suggest a different day to come in to avoid their "pediatric" day. I thank her, make my next appt. and leave.

I will say that I do feel like crap that I had a meltdown, especially in front of people and no less at my dentist's office. So maybe increasing my meds per new pdoc isn't such a bad idea. So yesterday, I had my scheduled appt. and had to deal with another staff member who was also there when I lost it and well i guess it irked her so much that she was pissy toward me. Well she can f**k off!

Sorry you had such bad experiences. That really sucks.

Screaming kids grate on my nerves too. I think it's something that's hardwired by biology to insure that if a kid needs something, all he has to do is bellow, and any adult within earshot will jump to it so they can make the noise stop! I've noticed recently that when I hear a kid screaming in the grocery store, my first reflexive thought is, "Thank God I don't have a small child!" Pity the poor parents! Actually, come to think of it, when my son was small I just got used to "kid noises."

I think that dentist needs to change his practice if he has kids shrieking like that all the time. My son went to a special pediatric dentist who didn't even allow parents to go back with the kids. I waited in the waiting room. My son started going there at 3 and I never ever heard any kid screaming there. Maybe the parents make the kids nervous if they're allowed in the room?

Sorry about the pissy staff member. If she doesn't like working with the public, she should get a data entry job somewhere in a back room.